To take myself off for lunch on my own today?

[ThereIsSomethingWrongWithTheLeftFilange]

Its my Birthday, been up with DH for hours, had breakfast together, walked the dogs and he hasn't even said 'Happy Birthday'

Have two adult DD's, both that live a couple of hours away, neither of them have messaged me to say 'Happy Birthday' either. Both will be up and at work by now too.

Just makes me feel pretty shit as I always make sure its the first thing I do, or say, or message to my family when its theirs. I always make sure I make a bit of a fuss of them.

For no-one to even acknowledge by Birthday by 10.30am has just made me feel proper rubbish.

I am a good mum, and a good wife.

Shall I go out for lunch by myself or am I just being a bit of a baby and need to suck it up?

Its just another Birthday after all.

Sometimes you just have to give things a push.
My family were useless with my birthday, so after another disastrous day I took action! We are going back a bit now so please bear that in mind.

We had double sliding doors into the dining room ( remember those?) and I got a ton of the old fan fold printer paper - the sort with the holes at the side that you tore off later ( something else you don’t see now).
Three weeks before my next birthday, they came home to find three huge pieces of paper around the sliding doors with the following, in huge letters using a dry wipe marker -
across the top - my birthday is in ….. days (I updated the countdown daily with a post it note)
on the left it said - for my birthday I would like

• to have dinner out at one of the following ….
• or to go to the theatre to see x, y or z
• or to go to the cinema to see a, b or c
• go to the local pub for a drink
• a chocolate breakfast in bed on the day ( normal brekkie, on a tray, but with an added box of chocolates)
• you get the idea.

On the other side it said - presents I would like to have - any of these would be lovely

• Cd music disc by def ( it was a while ago!)
• JH book entitled……
• windsor and Newton acrylic paint set
• a copy of a fashion magazine ( if money was tight)
• a box of rose and violet creams from M and S
• a sketch pad, my preferred ones are…..
• A card made with care and love by each child
• a posh card from my beloved and a cake I don’t have to bake myself ( preferably from M and S)

There was something of an outcry when they got back and saw all this.. My husband was none too pleased, especially when I pointed out that there were suggestions at all price points, that it wasn’t about the money, but if no one could be bothered or was hesitant about what to get me ( giving him a way out there!) then I would feel so sad that I would need to go out and buy my own birthday present to myself, and that would undoubtedly involve a trip to the local (expensive) jeweller as I would need to comfort myself. I would also need to take my friends out to join me at a particularly expensive restaurant, which would also require a new outfit to cheer me up. I pointed out I was merely reminding them, in case they had forgotten, or didn’t know what to get me, or didn’t know where where to take me to celebrate.

I had a brilliant birthday, I got a ton of stuff I wanted, plus was taken out to dinner at the place I wanted to go to. The following year - and the year after - I merely put the countdown up.

They’ve never forgotten since snd I get lovely birthday presents now ( though do make sure I keep an Amazon wish list going so they know what I want for birthdays and Christmas - just in case!)

Sometimes we credit them too much when they just need a big push!

Good luck! And Happy Birthday 💐🎂🥂🍾

Happy Birthday OP!

It’s never unreasonable to take yourself off for a lovely lunch.

Have your adult children sent a card, OP? If they're very busy at work, back to back meetings etc, 10.30 am for a call/message might still have been early - maybe give them until lunchtime?

@ThereIsSomethingWrongWithTheLeftFilange

As someone else said - take yourself out for lunch, and get yourself a treat too. If this is something that has happened before, I would message DH later, and tell him you’ve gone out for a birthday dinner with a friend, and he can probably find some leftovers in the fridge or freezer for his dinner.

Anyway, happy birthday from me 💐💐💐

Honestly, I think that's awful that neither your DH nor your dc have remembered your birthday!💐

When I was married to my exDH I used to dread my birthdays as he was usually in a mood on the day, and sometimes didn't even wish me a happy birthday. I used to feel relieved when it was over, but also sad.

Now we're separated it's SO different. My last birthday I arranged a trip up to London with my dc and we dressed up and went to a gorgeous restaurant I'd always wanted to go to. I also saw other friends and family, around the date and had a few nice trips out. Life has really changed since I started prioritising myself.

I spent so much of my life waiting for other people to treat me and prioritise me in the way that I did them - and they never did. I used to feel sad as I somehow felt I wasn't worthy enough to be made a fuss of or remembered. But that's not true. Some people just don't choose to think about or support other people in that way! It's nothing to do with you.

I honestly think the way forward is to go out in life, do what you want and enjoy it.

So yes, have a lovely lunch and a glass of something nice to celebrate! Happy Birthday! 🎉🎊

Happy Birthday OP! I’m sorry your family haven’t wished you happy birthday that’s absolutely shit of them. I’d be making it known to DH (and the kids) how pissed off I was.

Mumsnet seem to be funny about people having birthdays and that as an adult we shouldn’t bother. I disagree completely and think you should definitely be celebrated on your birthday, doesn’t have to be a grand gesture.

But yes, take yourself for lunch and do something that makes you feel good, I hope you manage to have a good day.

A(wo)men to this. All the above.
life feels different when you’re not waiting for others to acknowledge you, do it for yourself and you’re not left with memories tainted by having an ex in them 🤣

Happy birthday to you!
I'm sorry that your family has been so shit they've not even managed to make the bare minimum of effort. I hope you have decided to take yourself off somewhere lovely for lunch and don't forget to order yourself a huge slice of cake!
Personally, I'd also be buying myself a nice birthday treat from my favourite shop.
I hope your day gets better .

Happy Birthday! Go out for lunch, but yourself a present and get a takeaway for one tonight.

Yes do it! I think not messaging until a break or lunchtime is ok (but I would expect earlier for family), but DH not saying anything is really shit. Is he usually this rubbish?

Happy birthday! Go out for lunch and then invoice your husband. It's not hard to put your wife's birthday in your diary, is it?

Happy Birthday! 🎉🎂

Lunch and a spending spree would be a fabulous way to celebrate - enjoy!

Maybe there's a big surprise in store for you later today or tonight.

Don't give up hope yet! 🤞

They're all probably doing that thing of making you think nobody has remembered.

Do please let us know if that's what happens 🙂

Happy birthday 🥳 they are all bastards.

Happy birthday!! Take you out for lunch and the flix and a coffee after it all, have a lovely time! Don't forget to buy yourself a bit of a present too, maybe a book? xx

Happy Birthday!
Why not book a hotel and stay away for the night, just go don't say anything then when they do ask where you are this evening then just reply "I'm celebrating my birthday what do you think I would be doing today? " watch them scramble around to make it up to you.

I wouldn't let anyone forget as I know it can happen. Only person I'd expect to definitely know it would be my mum! So I talk about it a fair bit in the week leading up. 'for my birthday this/ because it's my birthday that..' both saying what I want to do but reminding anyone who matters simultaneously. Only because I know that some people just don't remember things like that very well.

I'm not saying it's your fault if they didn't say anything though! I guess I'd just not be able to keep it to myself.

I hope you do end up having a lovely day! Xx

No one is so busy that they don't have time to wish you a happy birthday. I don't care what your daughters do for work. Do they not get up, reach for the phone, turn the alarm off, clean teeth etc? In all that time, no "happy birthday mum"? While they're on the loo, while they're brushing their hair? Sorry, I don't buy it. It's the height of selfishness.

I had a cousin like this. Always expected surprise parties to be thrown for her, but always forgot my birthday. She didn't even work, and there were no husband or kids.

As for your husband, I have no words. Even if he's planning the mother of all surprises for you, there's no excuse for sitting across from you, having breakfast, and not saying a word. I'm so sorry.

Happy birthday, op! 🩷

Happy birthday 🥳🎉🎂 I’d definitely go off to lunch either by myself or invite a friend along if my family ever forgot my birthday

All the posts about people not understanding how it’s come to this. Maybe it’s because she’s the one used to doing EVERYTHING for everyone and yes she does perhaps want to TEST how much they really think about her. A birthday is once a year so it’s not exactly a high bar to expect them to remember and acknowledge it.
I have to micro manage everything in my own family so I do not want MY birthday to be something else I need to get people active about. I don’t think that’s being a martyr or being churlish or childish. It’s about just for once other people putting you first without the need to be asked. That really isn’t anything unreasonable.
Happy Birthday OP and I do hope you take yourself off for a nice lunch and enjoy it. 🎁🎉🎂

Get the most delicious CAKE you can find. And enjoy eating it.
Next day have ANOTHER birthday, rest up, dont do any chores.... if anyone asks : say " it's my birthday." ........... they wouldn't know , or care.....finish all the Cake .
Next time you are feeling tired and exhausted , just say : " It's my Birthday."......any day of the year.!!!!!!

Fuck the lot of 'em, OP. Get yourself ready, book a cab and head out somewhere lovely for lunch. With wine. And pudding 😍

A big happy birthday from me. Hope you end up having a grand day 🥰

Absolutely. Can't believe there are people who think it's unreasonable to expect others to remember one day of the year without having to be pushed, prodded and managed. It's my dad's birthday in November and I'm already thinking about it. No one should have to be reminded for that and if you have a bad memory, get a calendar with reminders, it's not rocket science

What utter bastards the lot of them. I'd be livid. How hard is it to remember someone's birthday? Especially your mum and wife. If my family did that they would regret it for sure.

Sorry what?? Your husband and both your children haven’t even said happy birthday to you? You’re definitely not being unreasonable. Unless there’s a surprise planned for later on but even so to keep you feel this rubbish is unkind at best. Tell your husband you will be getting a take away tonight as you don’t plan on cooking on your birthday and see what he says to that. Sorry you e had a 💩 day so far. I hope it gets better for you.