To take myself off for lunch on my own today?

[ThereIsSomethingWrongWithTheLeftFilange]

Its my Birthday, been up with DH for hours, had breakfast together, walked the dogs and he hasn't even said 'Happy Birthday'

Have two adult DD's, both that live a couple of hours away, neither of them have messaged me to say 'Happy Birthday' either. Both will be up and at work by now too.

Just makes me feel pretty shit as I always make sure its the first thing I do, or say, or message to my family when its theirs. I always make sure I make a bit of a fuss of them.

For no-one to even acknowledge by Birthday by 10.30am has just made me feel proper rubbish.

I am a good mum, and a good wife.

Shall I go out for lunch by myself or am I just being a bit of a baby and need to suck it up?

Its just another Birthday after all.

I have an absolute fear of doing this. I haven't done it, but I know I'm capable of going to bed thinking "need to ring Fanny in the morning" and then forgetting.
I leave my self a visual prompt so it can't happen.
Forgetting would go down like a lead balloon in my family.
Happy Birthday OP 🎂

I don't understand why you wouldn't just remind him?
Also, given your children had remembered and asked about your birthday plans at the weekend, I think it is a bit harsh to blame them if they are late/ forgetful this once.

You can OP and you should. There is nothing childish about wanting your closest loved ones to at least acknowledge your birthday.

There's a weird ethos on here where it's almost seen as ridiculous for an adult to want to celebrate their birthday, even minimally.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP! I hope you celebrate all weekend long 🎁

Happy birthday OP
I am glad your DH finally remembered I really hope you have heard from your DC I am so sorry that they had all forgotten your birthday I hope you have a lovely evening out tomorrow.

It's really not unreasonable to be upset your DDs still havent texted. Some of the things some people have said to almost justify this shows how low their bar is set.

It seems like you’ve wasted the whole day complaining about people forgetting / not yet acknowledging your birthday instead of actually trying to enjoy it.

You’re all adults. They remembered it was coming up. It’s not however a crime for them to have not made a call / sent a text. Life gets in the way. Not every birthday has to be special.

That's rotten of them Op,absolutely have yourself a birthday day out, and buy yourself an expensive treat.

Happy Birthday!! Definitely treat yourself this weekend and I’d be letting your husband and children know it’s hurtful. I have also had to train
my family and my youngest is 5 and will always sing happy birthday and make sure I’ve got a gift. I go big for others birthdays but lowkey for my husband as that’s what he prefers but I make it clear to him I like a gift and a bit of a fuss.

Yeah OP they might be upset and angry with you that you couldn’t be bothered to get in touch to remind them earlier. Lazy of you. Why couldn’t you think of your daughters and how they might feel?! Very selfish. You’re the one at fault here. Those poor wee girls ☹️

Happy birthday! I hope your daughters messaged, ive definitely forgot to text or call my mum or dad earlier in the day but both were ok about it as I was usually running after small kids and to work etc. Ill have good intentions, I have reminders for everyone's day in my calender but it can still slip my head in the chaos. So glad your husband redeemed himself, drink the champagne tonight while he's at work and watch your favourite film

When my children were young and I worked full time, I would have my hands full getting them ready for school, then I would cycle to work, shower and be in meetings pretty much back to back for hours. My mum didn’t have a mobile phone, so sending her a text wasn’t an option. I had to call her, and I’d rather do that when I can talk to her properly, so sometimes that would happen at lunchtime, or in the evening. It’s not infantilizing anyone to acknowledge that adult lives can be busy.

Why doesn’t every birthday need to be special? One day in 365/6 it’s hardly a big ask, a text is hardly making it special anyway!

Mature 😂

Exactly, they are adults with possibly a lot going on in their own world. Of course they should think of you but please don't assume they are selfish or don't care. My MIL did this, I sent a message in the evening and she sent me one back basically saying how upset she was, how uncaring it was to leave it until the evening, how totally disappointed she was and how I'd never treat my own mum like that. However, I had literally had the day from hell that day. My, at the time undiagnosed teenage child, had had a complete meltdown on the way to school, setting the younger one off and making us extremely late. I was late for work and comments were made about it, had a hideous day at work, finished and picked the kids up, ran them to two different clubs and came home to make dinner. My DH had been up at 3am for work after weeks of working 14hr days, come home ill and fallen asleep due to sheer exhaustion. I'd got the kids in bed, sat down and the first thing I did when I had a second to think, was message her. But all she saw was a late text. Yes a text takes 2 seconds but sometimes you dont have the bandwidth to think of anything other than what is in front of you at the time. Possibly not the case here but MIL didn't think it was with me either

Your husband missed a trick here, he could have texted them a reminder when he realised.

What would your daughters really say or feel if you were late acknowledging theirs? Do they share your birthday feelings, or are they your feelings and they have their feelings?

Try it on their next birthdays, text them late, or the next day (matching when they text you), they might not notice. I certainly wouldn’t!

I hope you enjoy your champagne and the meal tomorrow.

I am 39 and for the first time last week I forgot my mums birthday. I have been a bit unwell and I feel awful but she gets it x

I wouldn't enjoy going for a special lunch by myself with a book, I need others to celebrate and share with me, it would just make me feel sadder. Ask them all how they would feel if NO ONE remebered theirs. It is a big deal!

Yes this. Sorry you had such a tough day by the way.

You just never know what people are contending with. Sometimes we’ve been up at 6am so don’t really want to send a happy birthday message that early in case the recipient doesn’t want waking up at 6am, and then you’re full on all day till the evening - it’s not uncommon. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about someone. You might think about them 20 times that day but when you do, you don’t have the capacity to compose a thoughtful message so you’d rather leave it till later.

I don’t think you have to send a message by a certain time to prove you care, and if you do think that OP are your DDs aware that’s how you feel? It seems bizarrely restrictive to me, but if that’s what it takes you need to let them know or they won’t necessarily think it matters.

I think you'd be happier if you re-calibrated your expectations a little here.

Perhaps you haven't been fuming, but you're clearly a little consumed by negative feelings here. I wouldn't put other people on the hook so much for your own happiness. I said earlier that I hoped you had gone out yourself for a lovely treat and enjoyed yourself, and i do hope you've done that or have plans to do something for you.

Your adult kids are just that, adults, with their own complex lives, and it's natural for adult kids to recentre around their own lives, so mums and dads naturally don't get thought about as much. Totally normal for that distancing to happen.

I do find it odd that you feel the need to tell them how hurt you've been, even if they message you later, even though they clearly remembered your birthday on the weekend.

Again, I'd try to reframe here, so that next time you have a lovely birthday regardless of what time your family message you.

If birthdays are special for the person, then they are. You don't get to tell people how to feel.

Fvck them, OP. Spoil yourself. Lunch, manicure, pedicure, massage, dinner out with your mates. And the gift of something you’d really like, but usually wouldn’t get for yourself. 💕

To put such expectations on a single day seems childish. Plans clash, things happen, duties, work, childcare, doctors appointments. We’re all adults: There’s absolutely no need for the pressure to make it a big thing.

She shouldn’t have to remind anyone. It happens every year for God’s sake.

Because your damn family should remember without being reminded. It’s not like it isn’t on the same date every year. They are thoughtless and lazy.

Sometimes I even forget it’s my own birthday until my husband comes in with my cards. My mind seems to go into a whirl when I wake up, thinking about what I need to do etc, sorting out our animals etc. So it does often end up later when I end up wishing someone happy birthday.

Personally I don’t really care what time someone wishes me happy birthday on my birthday, unless they are in the house with me. But I did learn that my mum thought that birthday wishes should be given first thing, in fact she expected a phone call and singing - so that’s what I did for her. Because it was her birthday and it made her happy.

I could forgive your husband, but your daughters have been thoughtless not even sending a message until later and not having sent a card ready to be opened that morning. But tel them you are upset. That’s how i learned about my mum wanting a card and phones call first thing.