To take myself off for lunch on my own today?

[ThereIsSomethingWrongWithTheLeftFilange]

Its my Birthday, been up with DH for hours, had breakfast together, walked the dogs and he hasn't even said 'Happy Birthday'

Have two adult DD's, both that live a couple of hours away, neither of them have messaged me to say 'Happy Birthday' either. Both will be up and at work by now too.

Just makes me feel pretty shit as I always make sure its the first thing I do, or say, or message to my family when its theirs. I always make sure I make a bit of a fuss of them.

For no-one to even acknowledge by Birthday by 10.30am has just made me feel proper rubbish.

I am a good mum, and a good wife.

Shall I go out for lunch by myself or am I just being a bit of a baby and need to suck it up?

Its just another Birthday after all.

I think you're being a bit precious. Just because you prioritise birthdays and sending messages first thing in the morning, doesn't mean it's as important to everyone else. If your birthday is something you really want to celebrate, then think about what you want to do and do it. A family lunch? Ok, get hubby to organise one. Take yourself out for a treat? Do it. I would certainly not be sitting at home fuming on your birthday. People are allowed to forget birthdays without it becoming some character flaw on their part. I really hope you have taken yourself out and had a nice time.

I have forgotten my own birthday at times. It might just have slipped their minds if they're anything like me.

I really think people need to give the daughters a chance there's still the whole day ahead and maybe they would prefer to call when they have time wouldn't that mean more than a quick happy birthday txt

Even my son, who really doesn’t care for birthdays (or Christmas) texted me from his holiday abroad. It really meant a lot as he’s only 20 and was on his first mates holiday and I assumed he’d forget.

Happy Birthday.

i know how you feel. My husband has taken to giving me my card/present in the evening; and as he also helps our adult learning disabled son to give me something, I get his at the same time. Sometimes its been almost bedtime!

I know, not really bothered myself but I could see how upset my DD was when she realised.

Happy birthday to you !
Yes- do as you wish with the time you have. Do what you enjoy. Don't be a martyr. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face i.e. don't purposely have a crap day in order to feel wronged when you can choose to have a better day. Your family sound thoughtless and their lack of effort is upsetting - though DCs may well contact you after work.
I hope you've been for lunch or shopping or whatever. My DH died when our DCs were under 8. I've done every birthday and Christmas since for myself.... and I don't stint!

Happy birthday!

A big fat happy birthday from me!

Maybe they are pretending to have forgotten only to surprise you this evening. Which is still shit, as that’s the whole of your special day ruined!

He does other things.
He's a nice man, but very self absorbed.
I am extremely low maintenance, always have been. I don't like a fuss and am generally happy to care for others.
There really was nothing to discuss.
It happened.
He cannot change that fact.

I cannot change him after all these years, but I can change me, and that is exactly what I have done in the past 9 months.
No more putting myself last.
No more doing or going to stuff that doesn't suit me.
I have said nope to various boring things I would usually accompany him to.
Not doing it.

It has been spectacularly liberating.
I now just make my arrangements for weekends away, nights away, nights out and no longer check if it suits everyone.
Now its "I'm away from x to y."

I have mentioned that I am planning some solo trips and trips with girlfriends.
He had some travelling that he wanted to do, I would have gone along for him, that won't be happening now.
Any travelling I will be doing will be because it is somewhere that really interests me.

I have spent my life as an eldest child looking after others my whole life.

I really am quite done with it. Happily so.

On 2nd January one year...

Oldest friend (since toddlerhood) who I shared a flat with at the time: what date is my birthday?

Me: 2nd January

L-o-n-g pause.

Me: Shit.

Happy birthday OP!

Jeez, I know everyone has different stuff going on but the amount of people who think "it's still early" and we're now at 2.30pm in the UK...

I text my school friend from the 80s every single year at 6am UK time (she's overseas and 2 hours ahead) because I want her to have a nice message at 8am her time.

If the will is there, people will do it.

Why did he book dinner for tomorrow night when it's your birthday today?!

I would take myself out for a champagne afternoon tea ...

Happy birthday @ThereIsSomethingWrongWithTheLeftFilange

I forgot my husband's once until midmorning. I wasn't that busy either, for some reason I just forgot. I think he had forgotten as well as he seemed totally unbothered.

The problem is neither your husband or daughters know how it feels to be forgotten. It is hurtful. But in order for them to learn you have to let them feel it. No phone call or text first thing in the morning on their birthday, wait until after 6, the card can wait too. A little bit of hurt will do them the world of good.

People wonder why some have strained relationships with their family if this is the attitude can't people make genuine mistakes or forgetfulness because they are busy with their work/lives or don't meet your expectations of what time they should be sending a happy birthday message that they then need to be hurt! Why can't people just communicate how they feel without being a martyr over it

Happy birthday!

And no, go out for lunch - go out for dinner! Do exactly what you want to do today. Bloody horrible nobody has made an effort with a card or a good wish.

Bullshit quite frankly.

Birthdays, esp those of your parents and parters should be remembered. It's called effort, appreciation, respect and love. I don't give a toss how busy they are but for the whole family to forget is crap.

Yeah it’s shit. No doubt they will all remember when they look at Facebook at some point today, if you are on it.
Yes take yourself for lunch. Grab some friends if you can and make it a loooong boozy one and get the staff to bring you a piece of cake and sing happy birthday.

Happy birthday, OP!

Your DH – no, no excuses there. Your daughters – I do think they can be extended some good grace past 10:30am.

Yes, go and have a nice lunch or do whatever you want with your day. However, don't sulk in silence. Communicating your feelings is always the best thing to do.

I see the situation with your husband was sorted, so that's all fine.

Regarding your adult kids, I think that just because you personally think there's a deadline for people to message you on your birthday, you can't assume that everyone else thinks that's the norm.

I wouldn't in a million years have thought that everyone needed to message me by 10.30am to show they cared! Provided I hear from them one way or another at some point during the day, that's fine. I really wouldn't have assumed that people need to get the birthday message the moment they wake up. My mum and siblings would always message me on my birthday but it wouldn't even occur to me to take a note of what time they did that.

For that reason, I really wouldn't assume they don't care or have forgotten or anything. They probably just don't realise you have a set deadline in your head for birthday wishes and did not for one moment imagine that the phrase 'happy birthday' becomes null and void to you if it's delivered later than the crack of dawn.

How long does it take to type out the letters 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM! X' on a message on the way to work or in their lunch break? Or way to whatever they are doing?

1 minute?

Unless, of course, you have DCs and a husband who don’t bother with your birthday at all. Like mine 🤷🏼‍♀️

Happy birthday!! 💐
I would be absolutely gutted if my kids had forgotten my birthday- there really is no excuse.
I'm glad to hear your dh has remembered finally!
I'm the one in my wider family who arranges the celebrations for everyone else so would be so pissed off of mine had been forgotten.
I think birthdays are the one day of the whole year that is about you.
X

This!!