Women on Mumsnet

[BunnyInTheRavine]

I'm on maternity leave and have been using Mumsnet since the beginning of my leave.
I have been quite shocked at the way that women speak to one another on this platform. For context I'm 38 and was dragged up by older brother so throughout my life have often been quite blokey for want of a better word. In my 20's and 30's due to my work I have worked with people often quite a lot younger than me, and the best thing I have learnt from the younger women is non judgement and to raise each other up! It's been wonderful. I'm so thankful that my line of work enables me to be able to learn from younger generations ( I'm not suggesting they don't have faults, they can also be overtly judgemental, but when it comes to this one topic I find them great) their bringing up of women is truly fab!
So I guess it's
Yanbu- women on Mumsnet seem to appear quite harsh/ haven't learnt to raise each other up yet!
Aibu- women on Mumsnet feel they are in a safe space so say exactly how they feel no matter if it seems harsh or not.

If you are shocked by all the mean older women MN, don't go on X or 4 chan or Reddit where all those lovely blokes are actually threatening to rape women.

First post nails it sister x

Nobody has to ‘raise each other up’ just because they happen to be the same sex. If someone’s being unreasonable or twattish or offensive, they don’t get a free pass from me because we’re both women.

^^this

They're all so fake. The misandry on here is shocking.

There are a lot of posters who are out-and-out nasty. They clearly get something out of it 🤷🏻

And there are those who are pathologically kind ("I'm sure you are absolutely stunning and the best mum in the whole world!")

There are those who are fair-minded but honest.

If an OP digs her heels in when posters are trying to explain they ABU, or displays obvious levels of self-delusion she will be torn apart by a pack of wild, rabid posters.

It's tough to read sometimes. OPs would often be better off bowing out gracefully.

Not all the pp on MN are women you know OP. There are quite a few men.
You are right that there a certain percentage of pp who seem to come on here with the specific intention to be as unpleasant and unhelpful as possible.
But. There are a core of very wise, helpful, and sympathetic pp who are supportive and post knowledgeable advice and comments.
The trick is to ignore - or report if their posts break the site guidelines- the harsh and unpleasant pp and just take notice of the decent ones.

Sometimes women need to experience hard truths from each other even if they don’t want to hear it. Being nicey nice doesn’t bring good outcomes.

and yes women also need a safe space to voice their own truths and opinions as the real world run by men isn’t that accepting of women’s voices as we all well know.

Yes..Misandry is the main problem in the world today. Not the murder and assault of women by men. This week we have had a beloved GP butchered by her husband in front of her kids, 19 women this year have been murdered by their own fucking sons, but oooh women are so mean on MN!

Sometimes being brutally honest is kind.

Goodness, it must be at least a week since we've had a 'mn is so mean' threads.

Are you new to the internet?? It’s not just mumsnet.

So you want us all to blow smoke up each other's arses in the name of raising up women?

I quite like that on mumsnet many women say it as they see it. Breaking free from the stifling Be Kind agenda imposed on women.

What 'raising up' are you looking for OP? Do you want honesty. If you're being a twat do you want to know?

People come here for debate and discussion - you can't do that if everyone blows smoke up each other's asses.

A few times I have come with relationship issues and been told in no unclear terms things that felt very harsh at the time but with hindsight were exactly what I needed to hear. Women don't often get this kind of freedom to really share generational knowledge on all subjects and it means you get all sorts muddling along with different opinions.

I also have to say I find myself having less patience with posters who seem to be male. Especially if they are adamant they are female.

There’s lots of research done about social media posts by psychologists.
It’s due to the anonymity and lack of visual feedback that you would get if saying something face to face.

Plenty of young women and girls-even primary, ask mine! knock each other down. I'm an old millennial so don't know whether you'd call me old or young, probably middle? But I'd try to be supportive to everyone regardless of gender, but I'm not going to say that nothing a woman does can be wrong, and is she asks for advice on anything from birth to feeding, I'll give honest opionions based on what I've been told by doctors etc.

You're 100% correct. A few weeks ago, under a different username, I posted a simple feel good thread saying that I was very happy with the way I looked. I didn't tear anyone down or compare myself to.anyone. The women on here were SO MEAN. They implied that I was vain and malicious, all the while displaying nuclear levels of malice and toxicity themselves. I think a lot of women on here have married crap men and like to tell themselves that all men are crap, because that way they don't have to take ownership of their poor choices in life.

Yes I agree..I'm in a slightly similar position to you Op, as in have found myself with more free time than normal this year. I grew up on a site with grumpy Americans so somehow learned not to be upset when people get annoyed by something I say but it can still feel a bit sad. I always have a bit of a shield up around me. Maybe that's life now.

Re misogyny or misandry, I once saw someone being advised to pick a side or else you'd get run over. Its easier if you come across as one of the two they said. I've always disliked that. So I probably won't join in with those threads.

What do you mean 'seem to be male'. Just because someone has a particular point of view doesn't mean they are not a woman.

the majority of people on Mumsnet are lovely and supportive! But it doesn’t matter what the topic is, however nice the thread is flowing… there will always be one poster who seems to want to fuck shit up and say something to bait the others! That I don’t understand!

YANBU - There are far worse places online, but as actual forums go it can be quite hostile. A lot of people on here seem quite sheltered and easily shocked, in my experience.

Often you can tell. Language style is different, opinions are different, values are different. They might be women, but I feel confident most of those I read as men are. Something men don't like is when women trust their gut.

You haven't said what things have shocked you, so I'm unclear what you are complaining about.

I have no issue with directness, swearing, or people being what you might perceive as "harsh" if they are also being fair. I don't know what "raising up" or "bringing up" women really means? What does it mean to you, @BunnyInTheRavine ?