Women on Mumsnet

[BunnyInTheRavine]

I'm on maternity leave and have been using Mumsnet since the beginning of my leave.
I have been quite shocked at the way that women speak to one another on this platform. For context I'm 38 and was dragged up by older brother so throughout my life have often been quite blokey for want of a better word. In my 20's and 30's due to my work I have worked with people often quite a lot younger than me, and the best thing I have learnt from the younger women is non judgement and to raise each other up! It's been wonderful. I'm so thankful that my line of work enables me to be able to learn from younger generations ( I'm not suggesting they don't have faults, they can also be overtly judgemental, but when it comes to this one topic I find them great) their bringing up of women is truly fab!
So I guess it's
Yanbu- women on Mumsnet seem to appear quite harsh/ haven't learnt to raise each other up yet!
Aibu- women on Mumsnet feel they are in a safe space so say exactly how they feel no matter if it seems harsh or not.

And I maintain that dismissing the threads where women speak about patterns of male bad behaviour as 'moaning endlessly about men' and creating a stereotype in your head that they are stupid women who've made bad choices and are now 'bitter' and out to attack other women, is just as toxic, and also rather stupid.
You only need to watch the news and see the data to know women have much to 'moan about' when it comes to male problem behaviour. I see this, despite being in a happy relationship with a man, so can tell you for certain there is no link between bad marriage and discussion of a societal problem recognised by anyone capable of looking outside. Including the government and police. Are they all bitter women who have foolishly chosen bad partners? Of course not. You are saying this not because you can possibly believe it to be true, but because you want to be 'mean' to women who disagree with you. So you are part of the problem you're complaining about.

I'm not talking about a rational discussion of a societal problem. I'm talking about the women on here who literally say that all men are bad and that no woman should have anything to do with one. I find it amusing that you seem to know my motivation better than I do myself, but then I notice that you have a very hectoring, smug, holier than thou tone in general. I've noticed it on other threads as well.

Why assume the person being unpleasant is a woman. Anyone can post.

Why not? OP has also assumed the whole of MN is the same as the AIBU forum despite not reading any of the others. Then assumed we would accept their scolding because they "know better" than those who have read most of MN 😬

It never changes. Whippersnappers always think they know best.

we should never judge and always raise each other up ?

daft

yet everyone judges and not everyone should be raised up all the time so not speaking your mind ever means lie all the time. And regardless of situation ?

I go for honesty with a good deal of “ if you can’t be kind don’t say anything “

however if people ask for advice or my thoughts I will give them. As kind as I can whilst being truthful
And clear. And sometimes you need to be blunt to be clear.

so “not me/ not my style “ rather than “I think that looks awful” because lots of things are personal choices. Or “that’s too revealing for work” if you need to be blunt

I think over time honesty is better than lying to people. As that can only encourage them to make mistakes. And they will not trust anyone over time because how can you? They lie and let you’ll live in a bubble

And then society fails and we become miserable lonely people

imagine “Don’t you think xxx is brilliant “ build someone up saying “yeah, go you ! You done well to get him” I would say “ no -once a cheater always a cheater”

You might have a point...but sadly you are doing exactly what you are accusing others to do. Your posts certainly imply that older generations are those that are unkind. That judgemental and the way you've expressed it is unkind.

Posters will ripe you apart on MN because controversy is what makes it worth taking the time to post. People come on here for exactly that, just as they follow the news for dramatic stories.

The only way to avoid it is...to avoid social media. Real life is thankfully massively less drastic.

A woman begins a negative thread about women being negative.....

If you're that familiar with my posts you will also note that while my tone may annoy you, there will be no instances where I've been 'mean' to other women in the ways you describe, or indeed the way you are now being to me. I debate ideas and opinions, I don't stereotype or malign other women, quite the reverse.

Im a reddit user and have never ever seen anyone speak that way. Ive been on there around 12 years. Unless you are a user then best you dont spread lies. Its actually a very kind space. Id say the users are way kinder than the women on here.

Lots of posters on here are men and not everyone is who they claim to be.

It isn't so much their point of view, it's their writing style.

Ignore that poster. You make a lot of valid points to vulnerable and/or confused women who really do need to hear those points. Don't stop.

A lot of middle class women get a bit of culture shock on here because we don't normally rub alongside working class folk and they are known to be a bit more abrasive with their language when conversing. I don't necessarily like it myself and prefer the sort of cordial dialogue that I am used to with my peers but there really isn't anything anybody can do about that sadly.

I am a user. Depends on the sub, no?
Not going to bother with your ludicrous " don't spread lies" stuff.
The reason why the OP has got such strong pushback is because she has insinuated that male dominated sites are kinder. That is not my experience. At all. And I doubt it is the experience of most women.

Thank you so much.That's so kind of you to say and means a lot.

The women of mumnet have held my hand as I've gone through breast cancer. I have some lovely friends in real life but they're not around when I'm crying in terror at 3.00 am.

A barny on AIBU about toilet brushes doesn't cancel that out.

I love your posts too @5128gap. They are always very well articulated.
Apropos being kind, a recent post comes to mind. A poster with 4 severely disabled kids was contemplating having a 5th likely disabled child. Some posters were very forthright about the foolishness of this. Others pointed her to BPAS, genetic counselling, and made helpful suggestions. She decided to be offended by the forthright posts, deleted her post and left, no doubt for NetHuns where everyone would raise her up, perhaps.

Social media is not a 'safe space'. I don't believe in women needing to constantly 'raise each other up'. Mumsnet is a space to share information.

Not true. Just as in real life, a goodly number of men like to think they're 'stealth'.

Yup, just like when an ex told me he would make a "really great spy". 40+ bald man with a history of failed relationships all lasting under 2 years because had cheated on all and been found out. Righto!

Reddit has a dictatorship policy of banning anyone that says something truthful that other people dont want to hear or that doesn't pander to the ideological notions of its "community"

try saying something truthful such as "transwomen are not real women" and see how nice and kind Reddit is to you

All of us, every single one? Including you, you are a woman on Mumsnet after all!!

The 'kindness' of reddit depends on the subreddits you are on and the rules the individual moderators choose to enforce. Some of them are very nice and open minded, some are extremely nasty, some of them promote illegal and dangerous activity and some of them just delete anyone who disagrees with them, which could be seen as unkind or kind depending on your point of view.

Reddit user too for over a decade, I know which subs to avoid because they are infamously known for their abuse towards women. Niceguys would be an eye opener for you. The subs selling/sharing naked pics of wives/girlfriends without their consent probably less kind.

I'm disingenuous about my sex there because some of the subs I use are male dominated, working in a male dominated industry and have seen the comments made there to women. Assertive = bitch. There are also users stating they are women to imply they only got the job because they are attractive and men fall over themselves to validate them.

There are many, many subs that are pure delights. I love the horror subs.

There's always keyboard warriors everywhere, although I find men are much worse. I think there's lots of picky frustrated posters but generally I find MN safe enough, just ignore the negativity x