Women on Mumsnet

[BunnyInTheRavine]

I'm on maternity leave and have been using Mumsnet since the beginning of my leave.
I have been quite shocked at the way that women speak to one another on this platform. For context I'm 38 and was dragged up by older brother so throughout my life have often been quite blokey for want of a better word. In my 20's and 30's due to my work I have worked with people often quite a lot younger than me, and the best thing I have learnt from the younger women is non judgement and to raise each other up! It's been wonderful. I'm so thankful that my line of work enables me to be able to learn from younger generations ( I'm not suggesting they don't have faults, they can also be overtly judgemental, but when it comes to this one topic I find them great) their bringing up of women is truly fab!
So I guess it's
Yanbu- women on Mumsnet seem to appear quite harsh/ haven't learnt to raise each other up yet!
Aibu- women on Mumsnet feel they are in a safe space so say exactly how they feel no matter if it seems harsh or not.

You're reading the wrong threads OP.
Go to the gardening/home/pet sections and there's just lots of lovely supportive posts from helpful people.

If you only read the goady stuff you'll get a lot of arsey posts.

If you want affirmation-only unquestionning support then Mumsnet is the wrong platform. You can get that kind of interaction on dozens of other parenting sites. Mumsnet will tell you when you are being foolish, having a martyr complex or being a cheeky fucker

Yes, those are the subs I use mainly. I used to live the lets not meet sub but over the last few years later the content became awful and so boring. The older stories were amazing though.

I'm sometimes told I'm a man. Short of posting a pic of my genitals, that would get deleted, I don't know how I can prove I'm 100% woman..I clearly don't express myself in a female enough way.

Yes i get called a man quite a bit, i assume it means women are not intelligent enough to realise not all women think the same

@5128gap I totally agree and do think those of us who are a bit older have often been around the block a bit more and tend to know the way things go - having seen more of it - I wouldn’t say I’m wise and I doubt you would say the same about yourself too but I do think one thing about being a bit older is that you realise life has a lot of grey areas rather than everything being black or white - someone once said to me great people can and do do shit things at times- I’ve found that to be very true, from caring partners to flakey friends to bosses under the kosh to elderly parents acting up - I’ve got some in-laws around our age who were very black and white about life until stuff happened that shook their way of thinking - and made them realise that sometimes real life isn’t quite so simple

Ha 😂. MN is such an amazing place!

Correct -whilst older women ( I’m 64) I think can be more blunt and not always very kind or forgiving , as I’ve posted on an earlier post , bitchiness/gossip I see regularly is often much younger women - combined with smiles and a hey hun faux bonhomie - being negative isn’t just reserved for those of us with more years on the clock - difference is we tend to do it more upfront

Mumsnet is very predictable: those who have been on it for some time know what the “bring the popcorn” threads are: shoes off in the house, “I cancelled my child’s birthday party in a fit of anger, do I have to follow through?” etc.

One thing that annoys me are the replies deriding those who believe in God: “imaginary friend”, “away with the fairies”, “otherwise intelligent people”, “I don’t want my God-bothering MIL indoctrinating my children by giving them a Noah’s Ark toy”, etc. Similar remarks about any other faith would be very swiftly deleted.

Someone one pointed out that a health visitor told people not to ask on Mumsnet, because it’s so confrontational.

Maybe you're in the wrong place, Netmums was always know for fake kindness, overuse of emojis and not swearing! Mumsnet was for real women, but do agree there are a lot blokes hanging out here nowadays.

Also, I'll be kind if and when I want to be. I am so sick of women being expected to change their behaviour under the 'Be Kind - BS' to accommodate others, who often show no such thing.

There’s a whole sub dedicated to scouting mn threads for possible trolls. As troll hunting is not allowed on mn. (You just report if you have doubts.)

They can sometimes swoop in from reddit and be very sharp tongued / argumentative.

And of course the trans uk threads watch the feminist boards similarly.

I do agree about religion - I’m not religious but I do accept others are , but as you said if it was negative shit about Muslims, Jews etc - I’m sure stuff would be swiftly dealt with

The pressure on women to be polite, kind and self-sacrificing, when they feel otherwise, is a symptom of our misogynistic society. The same expectations are not placed on men.

I think women should be encouraged to be able to express their thoughts and experiences genuinely. I think disingenuous pretences at kindness (which are focused on managing how the world sees the speaker) are not really that kind!

I have always found mn to be a broadly supportive place, but not one where women are going to agree and go along with anything, just for the sake of appearing agreeable.

I first discovered Mumsnet when I fell pregnant with my first child 20years ago. It was such a supportive forum and I went on to make friends with some of the women on the birth month boards.

I rediscovered Mumsnet about 18 months ago and have honestly been shocked at how some people respond to posts. There definitely seems to have been a shift from how I experienced Mumsnet 20 years ago.

Could it be though you are looking at different sections - for instance if you looked here in elderly parents or health or dieting or similar there are masses of helpful lovely people, if you tend to now be mainly on relationships or AIBU or politics ( and I personally think that has some pros on it) it’s far more ‘mixed’ - style and beauty has some pretty up their backside , how cool and well off am I people on it too

You have visited Blackpool seafront and decided that the whole of the UK is noisy and full of drunks.

What is this raising women up thing? I couldn’t bring myself to “raise someone up” just because of their sex, it’s the pinnacle of patronising. And illogical, and nonsensical. Many, many women need no raising (some do), and many boys and younger men do (some don’t). I find this kind of faux community/sisterhood so ick, so TikTok generation. It’s all fluff and no substance, all appearances and no analysis. And then to have the cheek to present it as a criticism! You didn’t have to give the “context” of being 38. It’s obvious.

Yes I agree some are very harsh .

I agree. So many Mumnetters respond to posts about husbands, boy friends, partners and other males with "LTB", "cocklodger", "fuckwhit" etc etc.

Women don't have a hive mind. They have unique opinions and life experiences. Perhaps this is news to you? Or do you believe there is a 'womens view'?. There are some nasty posters on here because some women are nasty. There are some funny posters because some women are funny. Some are argumentative, some are sarcastic, some enjoy platitudes, some give sound advice. Some have strong views that differ from others. Perhaps you could try to open your mind to the possibility that women are intelligent creatures with individual thoughts and personalities and try to respect them a bit more.

lol- pretty accurate - OP - have a look round some of the ‘lesser used’ sections and you will find it I think actually full of good tips, wise words and useful info and helpful ‘nice’ women of all ages- far less inflammatory

Are you not missing OP's point? She is saying women should be lifting each other up, not putting one another down. Men on the rest of social media can be vile, of course, but it's beside the point.

Lots of posters on here are men and not everyone is who they claim to be
How do you know? I've been accused of being a man a few times here just because I don't believe that women should be considered any differently on an individual basis. In my world, there are kind, considerate, respectful people, and manipulative, bullying and selfish people. This is how I segregate humans. Male or female, it's not much relevant. That view is enough to be labelled as a man though. It's quite funny!

Why should women be lifted up just because they happen to be female? I really don't get this. Should selfish and manipulative women be supported just because it's okay if they are a woman?

Or does it imply that women can't possibly be selfish and manipulative, only men can be? Which in real life certainly is not the case?

Another of the harsh sneering replies often seen on Mumsnet is “Why don’t you ask Google, instead of a bunch of strangers on the internet?”

People ask precisely because Mumsnet is not a hive mind, and people want real replies, from real people, with real experience: not the marketed views from Google, not the spin-doctored replies from the BBC and others, and not the synthetic replies of AI.