Women on Mumsnet

[BunnyInTheRavine]

I'm on maternity leave and have been using Mumsnet since the beginning of my leave.
I have been quite shocked at the way that women speak to one another on this platform. For context I'm 38 and was dragged up by older brother so throughout my life have often been quite blokey for want of a better word. In my 20's and 30's due to my work I have worked with people often quite a lot younger than me, and the best thing I have learnt from the younger women is non judgement and to raise each other up! It's been wonderful. I'm so thankful that my line of work enables me to be able to learn from younger generations ( I'm not suggesting they don't have faults, they can also be overtly judgemental, but when it comes to this one topic I find them great) their bringing up of women is truly fab!
So I guess it's
Yanbu- women on Mumsnet seem to appear quite harsh/ haven't learnt to raise each other up yet!
Aibu- women on Mumsnet feel they are in a safe space so say exactly how they feel no matter if it seems harsh or not.

Does it need to be brutal though?

Enough said, thank you!

This 💯

I didn't say I hate it though did I? I merely questioned why the women on here seem to be more up for tearing eachother down then raising them up, as embarrassing a thought that may be...btw not all women

But I feel like people forget that their life experiences may be dramatically different to others, so maybe some caution should be taken when responding.

But that's the beauty of it. You get so many different views and open your mind to things that you may not have even considered. Stick around and read the relationship threads - there are women after women on there posting about their really shit relationships thinking it's normal because their friends and sisters also live in really shit relationships.

When they hear other women saying things like, you can leave a relationship for any reason, you don't have to have sex you don't want, no he's not a good dad because he 'babysits' his own kids once a month, etc. their eyes are opened.

Women hardly ever put themselves first and this site encourages them to do just that. If that's not 'raising up' I don't know what is.

Mumsnet is for those who want to hear out loud what the others won't say. Lots of people (including me) rely on this because we don't have a straight talker in our lives!

There's no need to be offended. The majority of users are helpful in their own ways

Have you looked at forums like Higher Education, Style and Beauty, What We are Reading, The Litter Tray. even Mners without children... Many women being very supportive on there. Raising- and rising- like souffles!
I don't go on the parenting threads as my kids are grown, but I think most posters are quite kind to new and struggling mums.

I don't think that you can tell. Women on here always say 'you must be male' when someone says something they don't like. It's mostly women who post here, and men who do.post are quite open about being male.

I find Facebook far worse, where people say completely inappropriate things with their whole name, workplace, home town, date of birth, profile picture and cove photo of their families/children on full public display.

I think your perception is skewed if you think that more of the women (people) who post on MN are about tearing each other down rather than posting advice. I see a few, a handful, of unpleasant posters on threads and usually other posters tell them so or they are just ignored and the thread continues. Persistent nastiness will result in deletions and eventually bans. It's not a majority or even a large minority imo. Certainly the high traffic areas like AIBU are more combative and fast paced, which can lead to more disagreement.

If you are using the site for support whilst on maternity leave, are you really suggesting that people are being nasty to each other all the time about maternity leave topics (infant feeding, sleep), baby topics, etc etc??

I think sometimes it does, yes.

I said what I said. There is no contradiction there at all. I have no issue with giving as good as I get, and I maintain that the women who moan endlessly about men are also the ones who drag other women down as well.

Agree.

I wasn't trying to dump on women of an older age. I can see how this has been misconstrued. You are however a perfect example of what I was talking about .

Thank you everyone for your responses. I guess I have been feeling a little disillusioned with the world lately. I had only been introduced to aibu, and not any other part of Mumsnet, so it seems maybe the point of my question was moot.

Ah. Herein lies the problem.

And you are the perfect example
of someone trying to backtrack.

It's been wonderful. I'm so thankful that my line of work enables me to be able to learn from younger generations

Make comments like this and expect a bit of an eye roll. All generations offer something. Most women on mumsnet support women. Individual points are allowed to be argued.

You're comparing apples & oranges - these lovely young girls that you see face to face in a work environment & the anonymous contributors to AIBU online cannot be compared as it's entirely different dynamic.

Unless, if course, you believe that MN members go into work & mindlessly trot out knee jerk reactions to half-heard conversations with their colleagues advising them to LTB and call 901?

It's also about 40% men on here (according to what's publicly available in terms of user demographics; as far as I know no one has to specify their sex to register or post). Therefore I think observations and generalisations about behaviour here may be able to tell you something about humans interacting in groups, but not necessarily specifically about women interacting with each other.

I'm not trying to back track, just willing to accept that my limited view of aibu may not have been quite what I thought it was.

I agree, OP, that some of the responses on here are brutal. AIBU is the worst but you see it on Relationships, Chat and even Style and Beauty, which used to be great. I do think some posters are deliberately antagonistic and want to be edgy and see how far they can push things for their own sick entertainment. And in the case of those who claim to be ‘saying it like it is’, I don’t believe that being honest and direct requires the sort of lump hammer approach you see on here so frequently. I can’t help but think, based on real life experience, that they would be the first to be offended if the same treatment was dished out to them. But I do cringe at the idea of women ‘raising each other up’ just because they are women. Some women are truly awful.

Well AIBU is certainly where you’ll find the most argumentative posters so I think that answers your question!

But in general, as PPs have said, lots of posters are blunt and honest, which is one of the things I like the most about MN!

And then bear in mind that given the number of users, there’ll be posters with mental illnesses which might affect how they communicate, there will also be posters who are drunk or under the influence of something else. There are kids who post in the school holidays pretending to be adults and trying to start arguments or outrage. All sorts of strange things go on on the internet and everyone is anonymous, so you have to just keep your wits about you really and choose not to engage with the more inflammatory or mad stuff.

And then there are posters who are just twats who enjoy trying to get a rise out of people or upset or embarrass them- just classic bullying behaviour really but I’m afraid those people are everywhere on social media, which I’m sure you already know if you have used any other SM platforms. I see far worse in FB comments on a daily basis than I’ve ever seen on MN. SM can be a very toxic place overall sadly.

I like to believe most are genuine supportive or at least some empathy and give advice.

However, as every SM platform, there are some unpleasant people who thrive on goading and dissecting a post with the intention of being cruel.

Sadly this is the case, they want a response, don't give it to them.

Thank you for your comment. I took myself off social media 8 years ago, and only recently returned due to wanting to make use of certain platforms e.g Facebook marketplace. So when others have commented that mn is nowhere near as bad as others sites I've thought " well great but I'm not on them". I feel like the responses in themselves have been indicative of my feelings.
Whichever way people choose to take my post and further comments , I meant well, and will go forward with more understanding of the forum. Thanks again.