To think they could have/should have brought something

[BurnoutGP]

I am in hospital after major (planned surgery). DD1 age 25 will be looking after me (she lives at home for a small rent that cover everything). She has had to take some time off work (unpaid).
I am fiercely independent and have brought in my own squash/snacks etc. The 2 other people in my room have had visitors all day bringing lovely fresh fruit/sweets/drinks etc. DD1 visited this evening bringing my stepmother (very close ben in my life since I was 14. Father died few years ago)
They came empty handed. There is a lovely M+S in the concourse of the hospital they would have walked past it when they came in. But hey ho. Except DD1 started on my bag of snacks eating 2 without even asking. So I very sarcastically told them off and said not only did you not bring me even a M+S fruit snack you're now eating the snacks I bought in. Im pretty immobile.
They then said oh do you want us to go get you something. I said well it really defeats the purposes if you have to be told. And it would have been almost closed.
AIBU to be hurt and disappointed and a spoilt brat
IANBU they should have brought something.
DD1 is usually pretty good but can be a bit self absorbed and they are very used to me being super capable and doing everything. I am now a bit worried what her "looking after" is going to look like....

Depending on which hospital you are in it might be the case that some things that M&S sell would be much appreciated. If you let your daughter/visitors know what would help you the most it is fair enough to ask. When DH was in hospital the meals were very repetitive. I got him lovely sandwiches and fruit and lovely yoghurts from the M&S branch and he did appreciate it.

I'm shocked at the comments here. What a damn inconsiderate society we appear to have become. Of course you take a small treat that you know the patient will like when you visit someone in hospital (especially if it's your first visit to them, admittedly, after visiting my relative in hospital on the 18th consecutive day I did show up empty handed!). It could be something tiny, no one expects, wants or could cope with a hamper of delights but even just one of the patient's favourite chocolate bars costing less than £2 would show some consideration. I suspect that's what the op wanted. Just a bit of thought, not the treats themselves.

You do sound a teeny bit brattish, but having surgery is very scary, so you definitely deserve some grace. Hopefully you recover well OP! X

Good, get some sleep you will feel better, unfortunately your messages appear you blame your child, I'm sure that's not the case as you say you love them dearly. I think most people are just surprised by your anger with her when you clearly love her dearly. Hopefully a bit of sleep will help, although realise it's hard to get in hospital.

i agree, it’s a bit thoughtless not to bring you something, it’s common place to bring some grapes, flowers or back in the day a bottle of lucozade for someone convalescing. You really shouldn’t have to ask, can’t believe how many people don’t seem to understand where the op is coming from.

Surely a visitor means more than chocolate or something else random. Yabu

I'm with @Macarena1980
Thank goodness I don't know 80% of the people on this thread. Well, I hope I don't! (I think I'd get on fine with the other unknown 20%)

Gosh I must be in the minority, any time no matter who's in hospital I bring a huge bag of stuff for them, I always have a mix of things, from food, chocolate, drinks, spare nightclothes and face creams etc can't understand how miserable some are to think you're being unreasonable. It doesn't cost a lot to pick up some things. Hope you recover soon.

Is a visitor not the best gift

Get well soon OP and I hope your recovery goes well xxx

I know exactly what you mean. You would just have appreciated a few little unexpected treats and surprises. When I visit people in hospital, I always take in some treats or sweets or chocolates or biscuits. And if they don’t want them, I take them home again. But it’s the thought that counts. If I had Ben been in your position, I would have felt exactly the same.. Take care, Care I hope you recover soon.

Maybe just leave the thread and watch something relaxing on the TV instead? Your health is what matters most at this moment. Come back when you're recovered more, if you want to. It sounds like it's not doing you any good right now.

So I very sarcastically told them off and said not only did you not bring me even a M+S fruit snack you're now eating the snacks I bought in. Im pretty immobile.
They then said oh do you want us to go get you something. I said well it really defeats the purposes if you have to be told. And it would have been almost closed.

You are horrible.

I have been an inpatient in hospital being extremely unwell. I would never have dared to speak to my family like that. I was just happy to see familiar faces and have some company.

BTW, grapes are a silly thing to take to someone in hospital. They need to be washed before they are eaten, especially if they are eaten by someone vulnerable just after an operation.

I think you’re at a low point, understandably, and have a lot of time to dwell on things. I can see why you’re disappointed when you’ve seen what other people have been brought, but if you’ve brought a lot of stuff with you, maybe they didnt think you needed anything. I’m sure it’s not a reflection of their love for you.

My DH recently had surgery. We drove an hour there and an hour back to visit him. I got up at 5am to drive him to the hospital for check in, back to visit in the evening, visited the next day, and picked him up the day after that to bring him home where I looked after him. I didn't bring anything into the hospital for him. He had brought everything he wanted already, he had a full kitchen at his disposal to get food any time (I helped him phone through orders when I visited him and helped him get in position to eat it). I don't feel like I did anything other than be supportive just because I didn't come with grapes or flowers (which the ward doesn't allow anyway). If he'd said he wanted grapes, I'd have brought some over.

Not the point of the tread, but OP do you mean your child that lives with you is at uni? If so, she shouldn't count for council tax (students are exempt) so you should still be getting a one person discount (if it's just you and her in the house).

I understand that it would have been nice if they had turned up with gifts and treats but you don't know what happened with the other visitors. Maybe the patients told them what to bring or maybe they were told by someone else. Even if their visitors didn't need prompting, that doesn't mean that you couldn't simply ask for something - I don't think that negates it. At least they visited you and at least they offered to get you something.

Yanbu op. Wren my mum was in hospital I took her things every time, maybe hand cream, grapes, biscuits, just little things to lift her spirits.

I've spent time in hospital and it's so boring, the little treats really help you feel a bit better.

I hope your DD does better next time. I'm sure she just didn't think and will be more aware now.

FFS
I hope you dobt mind when you don't have any visitors next time becsuse that is where you are heading

I don’t like sweet stuff much so don’t view them as “treats” and a lot of stuff some people view as treats would be wasted on me. I would rather have a book but would ask visitors to get it for me. My dad wanted a chess game he could play with a computer. They asked if you wanted something and rather than a sulky PA reply you should have told them what you would like as a present. They obviously don’t know what your idea of a treat is.

Yes, something like some magazines maybe. Easy stuff to browse. The last thing someone recovering from surgery needs is junk food.

OP, I am sorry that this happened to you. It was understandable that you were disappointed. I hope that you have a good night's sleep.

Did you not ask her if she wanted anything before you came though? I’ve recently been visiting a close relative daily, always ask if they need anything because they can’t get up and about and the food is awful.