Only child says he doesn’t want a sibling – would this influence your decision?

[NorthernDaydreamer]

My DS is 8 and an only child. Recently, myself and his dad have started considering whether we might want a second child, although we’re very much undecided at the moment.
I asked him how he would feel about having a brother or sister, and he was very clear that he doesn’t want one. He even said that if I had a baby, he would want me to have it adopted!
Obviously, I know he’s only 8 and this isn’t his decision to make, but it’s made me think about how a second child would affect him and whether it’s fair to change the family dynamic when he’s so happy as an only child.
He’s used to having our attention and being the only child in the family, and I wonder whether he’d struggle with sharing us, particularly given that he’d be quite a bit older than a new baby.
At the same time, I know children can feel differently once a sibling actually arrives, and I’m not expecting him to make this decision for us.

I’m interested to hear from other parents of only children. If you considered having a second, did your child’s feelings influence your decision at all? And if you went on to have another, how did your older child adjust?

He’s awaiting an AUDHD diagnosis if that’s relevant.

I have two sisters 11 and 13 years younger than me. Now that I am in my eighties, they help and support me. Tell your son that a younger sibling can look after him when he is an OAP!

You know what I take from this?
As is often said, whether siblings get on or not has little to do with their age gap, but more to do with their nature and the whole family set up.
For each person saying their 10 year gap was amazing, there is someone saying the opposite.
There are no guarantees.
We had DS2 because we wanted another child.
Of course we considered the impact on DS1 and we imagined how our family would look like, but ultimately we just muddled along doing our best, making mistakes etc.
I have never been able to relate to the 'in the trenches' posts of those with children closer in age whose parents often seem to be on their knees, who chose to have them close in age 'to get through the hard early years as soon as possible'.

When my son was born, my daughter told me we should give him to my brother and his wife, “Because you already have a child.”
No.
They adore each other.

I was thinking that, he doesn’t even sound bad.

How on earth can you make such a negative comment on a child you don’t know based on one paragraph? Because he said he didn’t want a younger sibling?

Why didn't you consider when he was younger?

No he’s 8, ofcourse this would not influence my decision!!

I never understand why people even discuss this with kids it’s not up for debate with them, it’s an adult decision surely?

I haven't RTFT, but would put in a word here for the unborn child. If the older brother really is unhappy about it, it's not going to be great for the poor sibling. It's shit having your very existence resented.

I have worked with kids who have endured resentment like this from older siblings and it isn't pretty. Young children don't tend to keep such resentment to themselves. Younger siblings don't understand, and can struggle with the constant rejection.

I understand why people think OP shouldn't have asked the question/prompted the discussion, but actually what the older child thinks about it IS important, not just for the child you already have but for the one you might have.

His response has highlighted a potential outcome for the child you might have.

I’m an only child. When I was 9 or 10 my mum asked me if “I’d like a brother or sister.” I said no at the time but it wasn’t a definite no. Well I never did get my sibling so maybe my mum was relieved. She wouldn’t have to procreate with my dad and she wouldn’t have the stress that comes with having another child.

Absolutely rubbish! It’s not for a child to decide, as parents you decide!

Only children when they’re dealing with elderly parents alone may be thinking a sibling would be a gift!

No child decides what a parent wants in terms of children and their paternal instincts, of 1,2,3 or whatever children.

Are you truly suggesting it would be better for a child never to have been born than to have been born with a grumpy brother? 😂

I haven't said the child should decide, I have simply pointed out that asking the child can reveal potential problems.

It is certainly not 'absolute rubbish' to point out the hazards of having a child when the older siblings expressed a strong opinion against it.