To expect the school to do something?

[Itsjjustoomuch]

My DD is in a very bitchy Year 6, doesn’t really have friends at school (has good friends out of school). I let her join a group chat to help her integrate a bit more after a couple of the girls started including her (there’s a lot of ignoring/ freezing kids out of friendship groups). I was monitoring this chat and came across an exchange where one kid wanted my DD off the chat and if she wasn’t removed ‘he would kill her’ (My DD) then her supposed friend laughed (emoji) and wanted to know how he’d kill her, he then responded by saying he’d target her at school the next day.

I went to the teacher and head with a screen capture of this and other accounts of bullying and all I got was a lot of sympathy. They said they’d chat with the kids parents and that’s it. My DD still has to share a class with these kids and there’s been little consequence regarding this behaviour.

AIBU to expect the school to do something tangible about this? Especially considering the language used.

Your school is crap. Ours got a local community police officer to come in and talk to the kids about how serious bullying is on WhatsApp groups.
And constant letters sent to parents telling them to monitor groups.
Screen shots with a death threat, my school would absolutely talk to the children involved and their parents

I'd take any threat to kill my child at face value and act accordingly, especially since it was a boy and especially since they explained their plan when questioned. It doesn't matter if it was all talk, it's not the kind of thing you're able to say and just walk away from. It has consequences. You shouldn't have sent her to school and you should have (and still should) gone to the police.

If you had genuinely believed your child to be in any kind of danger, you would not have let her set foot in the school again.
You are modelling to your daughter how to crazy overreact to stuff and I think you need to reflect on this. Maybe this is why the other kids dont like her?

Although not ideal, I can see why you thought you were supporting your daughter by enabling messaging access with the hope it would support her friendships. We all make mistakes whilst trying our best and all those telling you off for doing it aren't actually helping, you already know this. When faced with a child coming home every day saying they are being intentionally left out, you feel a bit powerless to help.

The school can't action anything regarding the messaging, but they need to view it as indicative of a wider problem and monitor this year group very closely.

I know you said you don't want to move as year 6, but I would still consider this. You want her to start secondary feeling confident and positive, which isn't going to happen from her current school.

My oldest DD is year 6 and experiencing some low level bullying which has knocked her confidence, so we are working on activities to build this up - drama, Scouts, guides, lots of playdates and sleepovers with children we are confident in them being kind to her. Speaking to their head, she did say that year 6 girls can be a challenge - they have all been together in a small group for 6 years, they are ready to move on, a bit big for their boots and in a bit of a power struggle to be 'top dog'. And then they get a wake up call in year 7 when they are bottom of the school. But yours sounds much more extreme, and definitely consider moving.

As another said, you could go to the police, at 11 they are at age of criminal responsibility and making death threats could result in action, but I might hesitate to do it until you move her, as could make life harder for her

Wow shocking attitude from someone who works in a school.

Why should her child miss out because another child is a bully?

I shouldn’t have assumed! But dds and I all went to girls’ schools, where there was certainly bullying, so I do tend - wrongly! - to associate it with girls. Or nasty little bitches, as the case may be…

I would report to the police, showing them the screen shots. A very stern talking to by an intimidating policeman would work wonders.

Having said that, parents have a duty to make sure that their children are not exposed to social media sites. Whatsapp groups for children are awful. They say things that they would never say face to face, and it leads to all sorts of anxiety.

All that school can do is talk to the children as a group and warn them of the potential dangers of social media.

Teachers have enough to do, so getting involved in Whatsapp disputes is taking them away from time they could be spending preparing lessons or teaching.