To expect the school to do something?

[Itsjjustoomuch]

My DD is in a very bitchy Year 6, doesn’t really have friends at school (has good friends out of school). I let her join a group chat to help her integrate a bit more after a couple of the girls started including her (there’s a lot of ignoring/ freezing kids out of friendship groups). I was monitoring this chat and came across an exchange where one kid wanted my DD off the chat and if she wasn’t removed ‘he would kill her’ (My DD) then her supposed friend laughed (emoji) and wanted to know how he’d kill her, he then responded by saying he’d target her at school the next day.

I went to the teacher and head with a screen capture of this and other accounts of bullying and all I got was a lot of sympathy. They said they’d chat with the kids parents and that’s it. My DD still has to share a class with these kids and there’s been little consequence regarding this behaviour.

AIBU to expect the school to do something tangible about this? Especially considering the language used.

I think the school are totally out of order and can't be bothered to deal with the situation.
Whilst the situation happened out of school, the children know each other because of school.
School need to consider what is being said not the form ie take the technology out of the equation. As the content is important not how it's been communicated. Also concerning that the messaging platform didn't pick up the threats - so software might not be great
I would potentially keep my DD off school until the school can put a plan in place to keep her safe. Whilst it's far from ideal, I would also consider alternative schooling for her for the rest of the year.
I would look at the school policies about bullying/safeguarding and ensure these are being correctly followed. I would keep escalating things with the school following the school policies.
I would also involve the police. Threats to kill are serious and as the children are over 10 they can be held criminally responsible.

I think I'd report to the police OP. And be looking into alternative school options as it's hard to know how to DD is supposed come back from a death threat.

As a DSL I am truly shocked by what you are saying. No wonder children are being let down by people that are supposed to be protecting them!!

You’re not answering the question tho- what is it you want the school to do other than speak with the parents about this particular issue that happened out of school?

My child is in Yr6. We’ve had multiple (and I mean multiple!) communications warning about the pitfalls of phone use, social media and messaging services. Allow at your own peril.

The use was unmonitored and unsupervised as you did not see nor censor the messages before she received them. You dealt with this retrospectively, the damage was done. You knew the toxic nature of the class, this was inevitable.

It’s a police issue if you really feel that the child (who is likely too young to understand the consequences of such statements) said this with intent. If you believed it, why send her in?

The kids are 10 years old and therefore legally responsible for their own behaviour.

Take the message to the police and let the police deal with it.

Your DH is correct.

That’s awful. Surely the school should do something more.

Do you know the parents well enough to talk to directly?

Id also catch them on their way out of school, and let them know that you were shocked by the message and if you see or hear of that kind of language again, you’ll be going straight to the police.

These are kids and they need a stern talking to. If the school and parents won’t, I would.

My school would deal with it. We sanction for bullying behaviour on WhatsApp etc. I understand why you let her on it and sympathise. I would suggest an email to the head, including the screenshots, asking how they will ensure your daughter is safe in school.

Don't talk to the parents directly - do everything via the school!

I am a firm believer of leaving the school to do things

I had something though when mine were younger.. nothing like this but I knew the mum.... So ... I messaged her and asked if she had been monitoring the app thing ....

Sorted. I would want to know as a parent if my child was saying this. The school needs to take action though and give reassurance

We had another time when a few kids were being weird. I heard about it but one parent went into the school. All the kids were spoken to. I think they rang the parents

Hope this gets sorted

And I am sort of on same page as your DH. If school isn't sorting it I would consider police or at least mention this to the school. That will get their attention

This is not the app, this is a threat and needs attention so I hope you get action

Sorry op i hadn't seen the updates aboit more sustained bulling and a much longer discussion about how he'd kill her for some reason.

I think it would meet the threshold for a short suspension with the wider picture and the dsl should be involved.

Thats a threat. Call the Police. Why are you relying on the useless schools. Also ofstead

Our school intervened very quickly when DS then 14 was involved in disputes on Discord. Both groups were dealt with and the worst offenders got temporary exclusions. The police school liaison officer was called in. All of this activity was taking place at home after school.

P.s i.jave two.choldren 3rd on the way..and I would.never allow a mobile decice with access to SM.or Chats until they are 16/17.
Issue avoided.

I agree with this. I’m a teacher and when in a situation like this, I would be saying to you “we will be looking into this and speaking to the children’s parents and giving appropriate sanctions.” I wouldn’t offer any further information about it. You don’t know for sure that the school haven’t acted appropriately.

Will she be going up to the same secondary school as them all?

Report it to the police as it is a direct treat. The school won't do anything other than victim blame.

Our son's school always took action if there was proof. It may well be happening out of school, but good schools understand that they still have a duty of care to children because what happens out of school still affects their learning and wellbeing in school. Parents and schools have a shared responsibility here, just as they do in many other cases - such as kids sharing nude photos.

Op, large whatsapp groups never end well. Put some appropriate restrictions in place or remove the app.

School's have to deal with this sort of thing every day! What would you like them to do about it. They have said they will speak to the children and the parents- what else would you actually like them to do?

Police? FFS! You know the child in question is a 10 year old and they are all bumbling their way through the complicated world of social interaction, working out their own status, and finding their position in society. They need guidance because this stuff is now visible for the world to see on social media, not just in the playground or local park any more. Unless you actually think he is going to kill her at school then calling the police is a ridiculous waste of time.

You've said yourself that your DD is bitchy- work on that!

From the 1st sentence of the OP

My DD is in a very bitchy Year 6,

The key word there is "IN" . A person can be in a bitchy environment and not be a bitch themselves.

I’m surprised at some of these messages. The threat to kill was made outside of school, but she has to go to school with this hanging over her.
Victim blaming, she shouldn’t be on the app etc.
Im with your dh here actually call the police. I don’t expect them to go into school tasers at the ready but they may be able to advise you Next steps.

Schools can only deal with what happens in school. What do you expect them to do about what goes on on devices that these children shouldn’t have? Children can’t be removed from classes, denied education or be punished because of parenting fails.

I can understand why you allowed your child on the group chat, but the school doesn’t have the resources to fix it when it goes wrong. That is your job. Just like you don’t have a magic wand to make it go away m, nor do they.

The in-school bullying is completely separate from the online bullying. The school aren't responsible for messages sent to your child outside of school. Yes, you can use those messages as evidence, that the bullying is happening outside as well as in school. The school can talk to those involved regarding the messages but ultimately if it's happening outside of school hours, it's parents that should be dealing with it, not the school. The school should, in my opinion, be informing parents though, so they are aware and can take appropriate action.

The school should be dealing with the in-school bullying properly and following their own Anti-bullying policy, which should be listed on the school website. If they aren't, then you need to follow the school's complaints procedures, which again should be on the school's website.

Unfortunately, not all schools are great at dealing with bullying, regardless of the mandatory Anti-bullying policies they have to have. It still can be swept aside, with the old attitude of 'bullying doesn't happen here'.

Another primary teacher here (and a man, sorry). I've taught Y6 alot, and dealt with this stuff before.
It's not up to teachers to deal with what children get up to outside of school using inappropriate tools given to them by their parents. If Jimmy hurt Johnny with his parent's drill because he'd been allowed to play with it, we'd feel sorry for Johnny and closely monitor the pair, and indeed the whole year group, for repurcussions at school, but ultimately that's up to the parents to sort out.

Whatsapp groups are a powerful tool, and this story doesn't surprise me at all. Schools will cover this in PSHE and computing, and they will remind the Y6 again following this incident, but again, behaviour outside of school is for parents to manage. If that includes going to the police with the screenshot, so be it- this is far more of a police matter than a school matter.

TLDR- experienced teacher says don't let Y6 kids have Whatsapp groups. Parents can't handle being polite in school Whatsapp groups, so why do you expect Y6 kids to be able to...

It’s not easy OP, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this already when your dd is still at primary, but honestly this is mild misbehaving in group chats compared to how life will be at secondary, especially if you do not encourage your dd off groups and social media (messaging), or help her to understand the boundaries and avoiding certain children online.
The majority of Many parents don’t get involved at all with anything happening online, they leave their kids to it believing they are just chatting with friends, this is particularly true at secondary level- you would be shocked to see what secondary schools are dealing with every day (which comes into school from behaviour online outside of school hours and not necessarily just children from the same school).

I’m afraid this is the mild end of what’s to come whilst your daughter is part of WhatsApp groups with children behaving in this way. If you make changes at home following on from this incident your dd will be better equipped to cope with life at secondary.

How old are your kids now? It would be admirable if you manage to stick to that!