To expect the school to do something?

[Itsjjustoomuch]

My DD is in a very bitchy Year 6, doesn’t really have friends at school (has good friends out of school). I let her join a group chat to help her integrate a bit more after a couple of the girls started including her (there’s a lot of ignoring/ freezing kids out of friendship groups). I was monitoring this chat and came across an exchange where one kid wanted my DD off the chat and if she wasn’t removed ‘he would kill her’ (My DD) then her supposed friend laughed (emoji) and wanted to know how he’d kill her, he then responded by saying he’d target her at school the next day.

I went to the teacher and head with a screen capture of this and other accounts of bullying and all I got was a lot of sympathy. They said they’d chat with the kids parents and that’s it. My DD still has to share a class with these kids and there’s been little consequence regarding this behaviour.

AIBU to expect the school to do something tangible about this? Especially considering the language used.

I'm sorry OP - I found year 6 to be a challenging time with friendship groups with my children. There's chat of new secondary schools, SATS, 11+, puberty,..none of which excuse bullying but you need to be aware that its an emotive time.

What's app and messenger are for 13+. Get your child off them, especially if you knew the class was 'bitchy'. You have shown the school the messages, they are aware. Withdrawing social media access will prevent it from happening again at home. If bullying happens in school, then of course, pursue the correct channels.

How does the answer fail to address the behaviour? The advice about making the school apply its bullying policy is very good advice.

100% agree.

Most kids wouldn’t say this. Not verbally and especially not written down. Unless in play, e.g. being a baddie in a game. But, even then, 10’s getting a bit old for that. They and their parents need speaking to by the school and their police officer. Because threats to kill are a criminal offence so, even if said as some sort of weird, nasty joke/‘banter’, they’re incriminating themselves.

IMHO, while probability suggests this was not a threat the child planned to act on, criminal cases show some children do kill at that age or go on to kill as teens or adults.

It takes a village to raise a child. The child’s parents need to know. They may be shocked and deal with it themselves. If they aren’t bothered, the child needs to have it explained to them by other responsible adults that it’s always very wrong to talk of killing someone.

My then 9 year old daughter was surrounded by a group of children shouting Free Palestine and stopping her from getting off a bus after a class trip. They followed her around at break and told her she had to pick a side and one child told her he hopes she and her entire family die. The school's reaction to that was to set up a 'restoration meeting' with me and the other parents. Very unhelpful.

That’s appalling!

I haven’t read your whole thread, but just to say a similar conversation happened in my year eight son’s secondary school, and the boy who had said a threat like that was in trouble – school took it very seriously. They interviewed all the children who had been part of the group chat.
So I am surprised that your primary school would not take it seriously.

She needs to smash him in the nose with a metal water bottle as soon as she sees him at school. Self defence is fine if you perceive a threat. You have the evidence for that.

Her stock would rise massively.

The school should be doing this - not this poor mum. Opening herself and her kid up to more victimisation.

I wouldn’t accept that pathetic response from the staff in school. That kid is threatening to do something to your child when IN SCHOOL and boasting to other kids using this platform. I’d expect as a minimum to have him excluded for a few days.

The School has a legitimate responsibility to deal with that threat now that they’ve been informed.

The platform was used to pass on a message but how is that any different to the kid leaving a note on another kids desk threatening to beat them up? It’s simply the method of notifying has changed from what happened in our day.

I’d tell the school that you will be reporting the ‘threat to kill’ to the Police unless they take this more seriously as that kid is over 10yrs old and legally responsible for his actions.

Don’t let the school think they can persuade you to drop this. Be a pain in the arse to them.

Every primary school I’ve worked in would, and did (regularly), deal with issues like this that happened outside of school. I’m not sure where everyone is getting the idea that they don’t do anything because it didn’t happen in school.

Thats so awful for your child.

I’m sorry if this has already been addressed - I couldn’t see it.

What did the kid who threatened to target her at school the next day, do at school the next day? I think this is highly relevant because if they did nothing at school the next day then it isn’t happening at school, it’s happening outside of school.

Take her out of the group chat. She can have and be monitored on chats with actual friends. Toxic behaviour online is dreadful - it’s so hard to be the parent to say no to online chats because it really is how kids communicate.

"I'll kill you/him/her "is over 99.9% of the time a figure of speech in response to a mild irritation not a literal death . "It's raining, if hes left the washing out i'll kill him"
You know this very well but you are (understandably) angry at this kid for upsetting your dd and trying to pay him back by making this into something it isn't.This sort of thing is not going to help your kids popularity any!

I’m a teacher, and we absolutely would want to know about this, and would address it - the bullying policy does cover incidents outside of school. Schools’ scope and responsibility is not as limited as some posters seem to think. Having said that, obviously dealing with (multiple) instances of online bullying is a challenge for any school. But schools don’t (usually) just shrug their shoulders and ignore it!

Ah bless your pure naivety.

You really think parenting teens is that easy??

I guess you’ll find out the hard way. 🤣🤣🤣

In my DD's secondary school (Y7) girl got permanently removed for telling other girl to go and kill herself. As a joke. Outside of school. Under 13. So yes, school CAN deal with this if they want to.

For all saying that it's not the school's responsibility, you probably need to read the updated regulations: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/keeping-children-safe-in-education--2

And what do you think "a plan put in place to keep her safe" would look like? Never allowing her to be with other children without an adult present? Really?

It has clearly been a highly unpleasant experience for the poor girl, and any bullying in school should be severely dealt with, but it sounds to me as if the school are doing their best. They have spoken to the children concerned and their parents, and you don’t know what was said.

Well that’s a lovely bit of victim blaming - if someone - known to you and in your physical proximity on a regular basis - made death threats about you on Mumsnet would you be happy if the Police told you to ‘delete the app’?

Honestly it's not the teachers job to fix the consequences of parents' poor decisions.

Stop letting primary children on Whatsapp. Stop giving 11 year old's smart phones.
These children aren't old enough to manage social media, and when it inevitably all goes wrong, parents want the teacher to deal with it.

It's not victim blaming, the children are the victims not the parents.
The blame lies with the parents.

Friend took evidence like this to the headteacher who suggested the police. The child involved as the main instigator were spoken to as were the parents who were absolutely appalled.

Don't let this lie @Itsjjustoomuch .

You could log it with 101 and I’m sure they’d visit the home to have a word with that child.

If they were 10 then yes i would!

The school don’t want to deal with social media bullying. So keep your powder dry and keep all communications with them on the topic of what is happening on the school grounds.

As for the threat of killing your DD, take a screenshot and report it to the police. Everyone in Y6 is above the age of criminal responsibility and someone threatening to murder my DD is not something I would take lightly. Boys murdering other children is not unheard of in this country. He (and his parents) need a frightening visit from the police.

So did he murder her at school the following day?
Did anything actually happen?

Please do give more thought to contacting the police. Boys and men do kill girls and women. Making the threat is unacceptable. It's not something to be brushed aside. The police need to have a word with him now and nip it in the bud.