To expect the school to do something?

[Itsjjustoomuch]

My DD is in a very bitchy Year 6, doesn’t really have friends at school (has good friends out of school). I let her join a group chat to help her integrate a bit more after a couple of the girls started including her (there’s a lot of ignoring/ freezing kids out of friendship groups). I was monitoring this chat and came across an exchange where one kid wanted my DD off the chat and if she wasn’t removed ‘he would kill her’ (My DD) then her supposed friend laughed (emoji) and wanted to know how he’d kill her, he then responded by saying he’d target her at school the next day.

I went to the teacher and head with a screen capture of this and other accounts of bullying and all I got was a lot of sympathy. They said they’d chat with the kids parents and that’s it. My DD still has to share a class with these kids and there’s been little consequence regarding this behaviour.

AIBU to expect the school to do something tangible about this? Especially considering the language used.

Why do people keep assuming the school has done nothing?

OP said the school said they would have a conversation with the students involved. They never go back to the parents of the victim child and tell
them if any consequences they have implemented because it’s not their business to know.

We have no idea how the school has dealt with it. There is the possibility they could do more, but their responsibility is never greater than that of the parents.

Honestly, if it were happening to my child I'd remove her from the school and report it to the police. Sounds like a shite school and shite parents rearing these little delights

Adults would take a death threat seriously so yes of course the school should, it's disappointing that they have minimised this. Tell them you'll report it to the police unless they take immediate proper action. Your child may be feeling unsafe. This isn't about the app it's about a death threat, even if it's a "joke" one.

I doubt they would be allowed to discuss with one parent their dealings with other parents, you don't know how they are dealing with it in school, again they are not allowed to discuss this with you. You brought an out-of-school problem to their attention, it's up to them how they deal with it in school, on top of any internal probelms they have.

That’s not true, if you had a message from a work colleague threatening to kill you the next day in the office, would you expect your employer to say sorry it’s not our issue… 😬

Ok then deflection and avoidance.

The school need to take the bullying seriously.

If this had been said on the way home, or on a phonecall, would it have been treated differently?

OP, sorry you’re getting such a hard time on here. Some people assume that bullies stick to one place, time or medium of contact. The school need to do better on all the bullying.

It's Y6, so 10-11 year olds who are going to be moving to a secondary school next year.

And I do think it's good to get police involved, even to get a clear message across.

They will be on chats when they are in secondary school, whether you want it or not.

Not sure if you’re still here @Itsjjustoomuch but I agree with you this is outrageous and you must make school take it seriously.

I would report to the police - depending on where you live some local bobbies will generally be amenable to going round to a child’s house to give them and their parents a firm talking to about criminal responsibility and making death threats. This will put the fear of god into them and also make school take it seriously.

When I was a kid my dad did this when the school bully hit me. Police showed up at his house and frightened him so much he vomited. He never bullied me, or anyone else, ever again.

If you do want to do this you’ll need to speak to your local team - they’d probably give the job to a volunteer community support officer. You’d be surprised, they generally are amenable to this type of thing.

I’m surprised how many people are saying - oh it’s nothing to do with school as it’s out of school. As far as I remember there were lots of threads on there about when what’s app group of parents were criticizing school and school became very involved.
I would look up complaint policy and bullying policy and consider putting a written complaint about these kids behavior.
Whatever people are saying schools have “soft power” when they can talk to children about social media use and being kind, watch specific children more closely, put them in different groups for activities , have a conversation with parents etc etc

I agree, this kind of behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud. Has this kind of language and behaviour become so normalised that people don’t even think it’s a big deal…

Train all who/what the same, @Itsjjustoomuch ?

I find these kind of comments amazing.

Just because you monitor your own childs conversations desnt mean other parents actually parent their children to the same standard.

1. Its quite obvious the parents arent monitoring because the messages contain bullying

2. If they are being monitored then these childrens parents condone bullying anyhow. What chance des a school have to deal with children with parents like this

3. Even more sinister......how do you know it is actually a child your DD is conversing with....

Get her off the app. Deal with any face to face bullying in school. Nothing more to be done

Our school refuse to deal with any bullying/situations that are over the phone and out of school hours now. They say it’s a parent problem, which is absolutely is. I’d probably go to the police with this one though!

If you received a death threat in the post and went to the police, would you be satisfied with the advice to board up your letter box?

The problem isn't the app it's the threatening child.

I'm surprised by the responses you have got actually.

What do you want the school to do? Well I would want the people in the chat, the ones doing the death threat, the ones who asked how she should be killed and the ones who condoned it with emojis to be taken to the head teacher and be properly talked to and to let them know that the school is thinking of handing it over to the police.

I would also want the school to talk to the parents and reiterate that this is not acceptable behaviour. Let them know how utterly stupid it is and how they can get into serious trouble continuing like this.

I think you're under reacting if anything. A threat like that should be taken seriously and by the police. And yes a threat to kill another child at school should be addressed by the school.

“She was wearing a short skirt” vibes on this thread.

As a senior staff member, it’s really hard for us to take action in school for something that happens at home. It is after all their parents who let them have access to the internet. However we do our best. We run sessions on Internet security and especially on line bullying, and where it’s brought to our attention we will discuss a specific situation with all children involved. However, what we cannot do is to break confidentiality, which means it may appear we’re doing nothing, when in fact we are. We obviously can’t discuss Child A with parent B that would be unprofessional and a breach of confidentiality.

I would imagine given the scenario you raise that quite a lot has been happening behind the scenes. It’s just not possible to explain this clearly to understandably concerned parents, for the reasons above.

TBH I’d go to the police with that threat to kill.

I dare say a visit from the Old Bill would really put the frighteners on that nasty little bitch, and serve her right.

I’m getting that idea because that’s what happened several times. Every time my children have an incident the first question was if it was on school grounds or not. Off school ground = police.

I was a teacher for over 30 years and (thankfully) social.media bullying only became a thing towards the end of my time. Every year there was at least one incident in years 7 and 8 and we would invite the community police in to school to do an assembly. The message they gave EVERY TIME was block and delete the app. That was the police response.

This may well be happening according to the OP.

It was a boy, which makes it even more important to nip it in the bud.