Do I give off slutty vibes

[Nottodaybob]

Or are all men absolute wankers?

I know you can't really answer, as you don't know me personally but I need help to understand something.

I'm by no means gorgeous. I'm mind 40s and pretty average in most ways. I'm quite personable and friendly but I certainly don't intend to be flirty in any way. I'm a happily married mother of 2.

This month alone, one of DHs 'friends' has made a pass at me, as has a colleague and a friend of a friend put his hand on my waist in an over familiar way.

These aren't isolated incidents. I've had it happen periodically over my life from being about 17 - my dad's friends, my friends boyfriends, colleagues. Is this normal? Are men just awful humans? Or is it a vibe I'm giving off? It can happen when on nights out, in my home (I.e. when we've had parties) but not necessarily involving drink, and I don't really drink alcohol. What is it I'm doing that's causing this?

It’s not you, it’s them.

I think men tend to interpret women’s chatiness and friendliness as flirting - they tend to think they are irresistible anyway - So interpret if you are talking to them - you want to fuck them.

You are asking if mens innappropriate behaviour towards you is your fault.
Fuck. NO.

Quit blaming yourself, and practise looking one of these oily creeps in the eye and growling loudly that you’ll twist his knackers until they crack if he doesn't get his paws off you immediately.
You aren't sitting in a window in a red light district, are you? So forget about whether or not you unwittingly inflamed some passing man.
They should bloody well control themselves, and they certainly shouldn't get away with these transgressions because we don't want to cause a scene. (Which is counted on, of course)

YABU to use the word slutty.

It's not just 'slutty' women who are targeted by men behaving badly.

I think you unfortunately just mix with some extremely basic men. Decent men don’t do this.

There’s possibly something in your behaviour or you might be an absolute stunner - something that makes them really want you or that makes them think they’ve got a chance. I don’t ever get this, but I’m no oil painting and possibly not that friendly.

This does not excuse you receiving unwanted attention.

i have one very beautiful and bubbly friend, men and women flock to her. She gets stopped all the time by men.

No. You don't. Sometimes this is referred to as the 'short skirt' argument. She was wearing a short skirt so must have been asking for it. No she wasn't. She was just wearing a short skirt.

People need to learn basic effing manners and respect boundaries.

This isn't your fault.

Any time i speak with a male or smile and act friendly they see it as a pass. Its their issue.
NOTE TO SELF: ignore these idiots!

They are pathetic specimens who mistakenly think that if a woman is friendly, it must mean she wants to sleep with them.

Yes, OP — follow your thought and we’re back in the days we’re women in short skirts were ‘asking for it’. Of course it’s nothing to do with you. You just happened to encounter some men with a poor sense of women’s boundaries and who were labouring under the delusion you were dying to take their trousers off.

You give off judgemental vibes by using the word slutty.

Agreed - as I get this too. I am 46 and overweight, but quite chatty. Apparently I am a ‘flirt’. DH says just sleazy men.

Yeah, you have a vibe, my DH says I give off a scent (it's a joke as I always have men fawning after me). No fucking idea why but I've always had it.

My experience is that men are predatory

Believing they have a right to women's bodies ...e.g. the thread today....a young mum being woken for sex at 1am etc..but he's a feminist 🤦‍♀️

Slutty is a word men use to justify poor behaviour

I would say I had the same experiences, until say mid 30s. Thankfully a bit older and more invisible now, so I don’t have men thinking they can try it on just because I am friendly to them. It’s definitely a them issue. A good man, even if you were giving off a vibe, wouldn’t make a pass at his friends wife.

It's a certain something that some women have.
Obviously, the unwanted attention is not great, but I've know two women like this.

Men fall/fawn/literally trip over themselves when around said person.

One was my best friend at college, it was as if I was invisible, no one would look at me, yet they were always buzzing around her.
She wasn't "slutty" in any way or form.

Other was a colleague at an insurance company, it was bizarre to watch as fully grown men just crumble in front of her.
clients, colleagues or contractors, they were all like moths to a light.
Again, not "slutty" and she mostly ignored them.

Us lesbians manage to resist behaving like this towards women no matter how they are dressed or how drunk they are. No matter how late they are out.

Obviously this is a man problem.

Not, not all men are awful humans, just like not all people with a certain skin colour should be judged.
These particular men? They well could be, but even if you were "giving off vibes" that doesn't justify a married man trying it on, even if you asked him to!
And whatever your age, whether or not you're gorgeous (which is subjective anyway) doesn't matter, and doesn't change that.
If you were both single, and if you wanted to flirt, that would be fine, but that's not the case, and it's not ok for anyone to blame "slutty vibes".

I came across this YouTuber's videos - (Vlad or somebody) he is a man, dressed as a very convincing woman, who goes undercover in cities to film the harassment he gets from seemingly straight man. Honestly, the amount of middle aged, balding, ugly men who think they are irresistible and that she, a young "woman" would be attracted to them, is sickening. A polite "no thank you, is always met with "why?" "You don't like me?". Erm, what do you think, you literally look like Uncle Fester. I felt disgusted watching the videos

This.

You're doing absolutely fuck all.

I'm a man. I have spent my life watching other men go "She likes me", "she wants me", "she's fucking desperate", based on nothing more than their own deluded imaginations.

You're female. That's all it takes.

This isn't on you, stop beating yourself up about it.

I've had strangers act like this but never men in my own home, neither my dads or my DHs friends have ever acted like that. Are you a tactile person? I'm not and I think people pick up on that quickly, I like personal space and will step back if people are getting close. It mat be nothing to do with your behaviour but poor choices from the men in your life.

Mate im a bloke and I was going to say virtually the same

Normal blokes think. "Hay she likes me " and not realise that is as a human being not her next husband.

Normal blokes think "its nice to have a decent conversation with a woman who is on my wavelength " not that she is talking about things I like to impress me

Why do so many blokes think they are irresistible? That i have never understood

It is never you.
Repeat that until you believe it.

Unfortunately the company you keep are somewhat predatory at best.

Please don't change anything about yourself to make yourself 'invisible' to these disgusting people.