Do I give off slutty vibes

[Nottodaybob]

Or are all men absolute wankers?

I know you can't really answer, as you don't know me personally but I need help to understand something.

I'm by no means gorgeous. I'm mind 40s and pretty average in most ways. I'm quite personable and friendly but I certainly don't intend to be flirty in any way. I'm a happily married mother of 2.

This month alone, one of DHs 'friends' has made a pass at me, as has a colleague and a friend of a friend put his hand on my waist in an over familiar way.

These aren't isolated incidents. I've had it happen periodically over my life from being about 17 - my dad's friends, my friends boyfriends, colleagues. Is this normal? Are men just awful humans? Or is it a vibe I'm giving off? It can happen when on nights out, in my home (I.e. when we've had parties) but not necessarily involving drink, and I don't really drink alcohol. What is it I'm doing that's causing this?

This. Just being friendly. I had a horrible experience with my male optician. Im in my 50s and he must be late 50s and not remotely attractive. Because it was about my eyes, I was always very friendly and co-operative...trying to do the tests properly, thanking him in a friendly manner for doing the various tests, that sort of thing......because I wanted him to do a good job obviously. Never ever flirted with him. On my 3rd visit, I noticed him looking over at me and whispering to a young male colleague. It made me very uncomfortable and i had absolutely no idea why they were staring over at me. Im ok looking and dress normally, so i knew it wasnt anything to do with having a weird appearance or anything like that. Anyway, i had my appointment and left. Then when i went back for my next check up exactly the same thing happened. It finally dawned on me that the older one must have said to the younger one that i was some kind of flirt just because i was trying to be friendly and as co-operative with my eye tests. It couldnt have been anything else. I felt really offended and left and found a new ( female ) optician. My point is that s lot of men just think any woman who is friendly is a flirt. It"'s pathetic.

Absolutely this! I feel that if you’re friendly, it can be taken by certain men that you’re interested in them.

a friend of mine split up with her husband a couple of years ago, and within a month of the split, pretty much every one of his friends had contacted her to try and chat her up, regardless of their own marital status. Quite an eye-opener tbh!

I agree with this.
I had similar incidents happen to me. I stopped being friendly and chatty with men, and it hasn't happened again.
It's a very sad state of affairs that I can't be my normal chatty self with men anymore, just because they may misinterpret my friendly demeanor.

You need immediately, right there, in front of everyone call them out on it and embarrass them if possible. Room should completely quiet down and everyone needs to feel uncomfortable.
The one who was your DH's friend, isn't anymore, I assume. And lost a tooth, hopefully.
You do and maintain boundaries. If it happens regularly, unfortunately, you permit too much.

It’s a brilliant feather in your cap, I recommend more women learn how to be a total bitch.

While sexual violence is almost all men, there definitely are cases of sexual harassment by lesbians.

It doesn't happen to everyone though.

For me, I suppose it's because I'm ugly, but OP claims to be 'average' so there must be some reason why she's still getting so much attention in her mid forties. I'm not saying it's her fault. I'm just saying that it doesn't happen to everyone, at least in middle age.

They are the issue not you. I think you are probably very charming and chatty and they somehow see that as way to behave very badly.

I was nearly 60 and my late husband's carer when the old goat from across the road made a pass at me. I think I was wearing my gardening clothes at the time.

It's not us - it's them.

P.S. He chanced his luck again after my husband died. I just avoid him now. I've since discovered that he's hit on every carer or widow in the street.

If you've ever seen 'On the Buses' - imagine a white-haired version of Reg Varney's side-kick. Yeuch.

As I've said on another thread, he claimed to be in his 50s. The only thing about him that might still be fiftyish would be his false teeth.

In my experience, men interpret a woman being chatty as a sign that she's interested in them. I just avoid talking to them now.

Is OP particularly chatty though?

I just wanted to say that there are many men who will do this sort of thing and are under no illusion that you are flirting or might fancy them.
They may be very dangerous and testing/ pushing boundaries, or they enjoy making women uncomfortable/ intimidating them or they want a thrill out of a quick grope/ getting too physically close. Or a mix of all three.
I had a few uncles (as in blood relatives) who used to be totally inappropriate with me like this from the time I was about ten. They hardly thought I was giving out a “vibe” or that there was anything reciprocal going on. They were just dirty bastards.

Really refreshing to read this OP and replies, as I suffer with it loads and am in no way a stunner.

Am going to try and get the balls to tell guys who cop a feel to fuck off now

This is surely not a serious post,

my daughter is gay and has been propositioned, I am straight and I’ve been propositioned by women and my aunt ran a very well known gay bar and had way way more problems with the women’s section than the men’s,

this is a peiple problem,

If you're friendly and you maintain eye contact and smile, that's flirting as far as some men are conserned. But only if they fancy you, if they don't find you attractive they won't notice.

It's your fault for being a nice person and being shag-able.

This is true, sadly. My lesbian friend was attacked by another lesbian in the toilets in a club once. I also had to save her from a woman pinning her against a wall, she was actually yelling my name so the attacker knew she dudn't like it. It's probably fairly rare, but it def happens.

Just being prepared to talk to a man is enough for some of them.

I don't think it's chattyness necessarily. I think men pick up more on physical cues like eye contact, smiling, and your body being turned towards them - if you do that and just listen to them many will think you're flirting, no need to even open your mouth.

This is my mil

She was married for 50 years and then fil died

Within days,every single one of their male friends (married/single) had tried to hit on her

Poor fil wasn't even cold and they where almost queuing around the block

She's a lovely and friendly lady but this was too much

Slutty ffs. Yes, it’s a men problem but women using arcane 1950s language like that about women doesn’t help. So if someone’s ‘slutty’ which you haven’t defined - like sex with men without commitment? Wear short skirts, show cleavage? Basically not as ‘virtuous’ as you in some way, then men stepping over the line uninvited is fine is it?

I think you may have made a bit of a leap there.

Big boobs and friendliness. Men think women like that want to fck them. Sad bastards.

This.

This. I used to get so pissed off that being even slightly friendly to a man was seen as a come on.

I wouldn't make such a blanket statement. I was sexually assaulted twice as a teenager, first time was by a lesbian and the second time was a man.