Do I give off slutty vibes

[Nottodaybob]

Or are all men absolute wankers?

I know you can't really answer, as you don't know me personally but I need help to understand something.

I'm by no means gorgeous. I'm mind 40s and pretty average in most ways. I'm quite personable and friendly but I certainly don't intend to be flirty in any way. I'm a happily married mother of 2.

This month alone, one of DHs 'friends' has made a pass at me, as has a colleague and a friend of a friend put his hand on my waist in an over familiar way.

These aren't isolated incidents. I've had it happen periodically over my life from being about 17 - my dad's friends, my friends boyfriends, colleagues. Is this normal? Are men just awful humans? Or is it a vibe I'm giving off? It can happen when on nights out, in my home (I.e. when we've had parties) but not necessarily involving drink, and I don't really drink alcohol. What is it I'm doing that's causing this?

I'm a friendly chatty person. I even scrub up quite well. This sort of thing never happens to me or if it does I'm oblivious to it.
Maybe I look intimidating or I smell ? 😂

That’s an outrageously misguided reaction. You also managed to include an unstated bit of blame for OP. Poor show.

No. I could say a bit more that would be revealing but it would be awkward.

Based on what you wrote, you are reaching. Someone looked at you therefore they must think you a terrible flirt.

I’ve obviously time travelled to the 1970s. “Slutty” ffs!

No it was much more than that but if i give any more details or context i.will make the place obvious to someone . There were a couple of details that made me ninety five per cent sure that's what was going on.

Not flirty but friendly by the sound of it, and they are being over optimistic.

I think slutty is an inappropriate term to use, but nevertheless I do firmly believe that some women can give off some kind of ‘vibe’ that draws men to them, even if they don’t want to. In my younger days of going out clubbing I had a BF who was exactly like this. She didn’t actively court attention but lads were always around her like flies round a jam pot. This always happened week in, week out, but the same didn’t happen to me. I’ve known one or two other women later in life who seem to give off the same ‘vibe’ with similar results.

No this isn’t you, it’s why when out at the gym or in a bar I’ll purposely be quite rude to men.. so many of them have in there heads that if a woman is nice to them in some way it must mean she wants to shag him.

A lot of men don't really bother with women they deem 'unattractive'. They make an effort and smile and chat with the 'fuckable' ones. They think women behave in the same way. So if you smile and chat they think they're in with a chance. It's astonishing, really, and rather dreary.

Were those women conventionally attractive by any chance? Was that the "vibe"?

Well I guess so, but somehow it felt like something more than that which I can’t quite put my finger on.

I didn’t say ‘everyone’. I said ‘most of us’. As illustrated by this thread and the entire #metoo movement, if it hasn’t happened to you, then you’re in the (extremely lucky) minority.

The ‘there must be some reason’ narrative is both incorrect and harmful.

You’re not doing anything to invite this. Anecdotal evidence suggests that men are total horn dogs and even believe their unwelcome attention is a compliment.

I get this. I’m 50s and not conventionally a looker but I like myself and in the olden days I’d probably have been described as “vivacious”. Doesn’t happen with friends, because I tend not to be friends with twats, but it’s obvious that e.g. men I work with think I fancy them. I ignore it. I’m not changing my behaviour because I’m not doing anything wrong.

Is it most women in their mid forties though? The usual complaint is about becoming invisible.
The meetoo movement is for all ages.

Blink at a man and they think it is ok to hit on you or make comments.
I get the same...pisses me off as i choose none of it.
Told a co worker who is married.. to stop innuendos of us grtting together one day...oh so i best keep my distance than walk on egg shells was the pathetic reply...nah im not ibterestes ever never no way...finally im being left alone while he sulks.
Men are stupid.

It is interesting. This really doesn't happen to me - I can count on one hand the number of inappropriate advances I've had in my life to date (I'm 39). I usually manage to attract the attention of men I like, but I almost never have unwelcome advances from men I don't. I have had friends who get lots of catcalling and harassment, and friends like me who get little or none, and it seems to have very little to do with how good-looking or friendly they are. There is definitely a "vibe", but as this thread demonstrates, any attempt to talk about it risks being perceived as victim-blaming even when that's not what is intended.

I do wonder if some of it is about predatory men looking for vulnerability - the one time of my life I was briefly irresistible to men was when I was depressed, lost loads of weight, and looked and felt very fragile.

The invisible thing is more yonger people thinking you're irrelevant and past it, and men your own age no longer noticing you (which can be a good thing). But when you hit your 40s some women find they become weirdly irresistible to men around retitement age.

"when you hit your 40s some women find they become weirdly irresistible to men around retitement age."

These are not the ones complaining about being invisible though.

"he one time of my life I was briefly irresistible to men was when I was depressed, lost loads of weight, and looked and felt very fragile."

That could be a saviour complex as well.

It’s really nothing to do with breast size

Ive had colleagues hit on me a couple of times over the years despite knowing I was married with kids. Similar to you I'm in my 40s, average looking but quite friendly and chatty. Work in very male dominated industry.
If I wasnt friendly, I wouldnt get anywhere in my job so whatever.

Yes, all ages. Not just until whatever age you have personally decided that women stop being sexually harassed.

Men are sexually driven. If they weren't, the human race would have died out a long time ago. If a man is being inappropriate, tell him to knock it off.