I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

This is an annoying incident but surely you wouldn't divorce someone on the grounds they ate leftovers and have the palate of a toddler! ! I think you need to have a good honest chat with him and set out some new guidelines so that he has his plain dull unsaucy food version of what everyone else is eating and ask him clearly not to eat your leftovers. Why don't you mix the leftover elements with sauce to prevent him from doing this in future? It's a shame for him not to eat with you all and have a chat. Surely he could eat a simplified version of what you and the other family members are eating?

Have you read all of OP's comments? It isn't just about this incident.

There is this incident plus never eating with the family, setting a bad example to children, never cooking, only eating bread at restaurants plus previous incidents such as picking all of the fish out of a fish pie, picking out the chicken from chicken fajitas etc without any thought or consideration to anyone else.

OP doesn't want to cook for him because he has complained about it in the past.

I wouldn't divorce him because of meatballs, I'd divorce him because he's rude. selfish and inconsiderate and I simply wouldn't be attracted to someone who eats like a toddler.

Wanting more than 60g of meat doesn’t make someone “greedy “.

I pick the fish out of a fish pie because I dont eat potato, I'll often order a fish pie in a restaurant because I wouldnt cook it at home for this reason

Leaving the peppers in the pan after eating the chicken, no biggie, you use the peppers for another dish, mix them with some tuna, put them in a cheese sandwich, whatever, there are tons of things to be done with them.

It really is quite strange that people who think he is the rigid one, are being very rigid about 'the right way' to eat. Another posts cites how 'disgusting' it is that her husband used to have a chicken sandwich for breakfast with BBQ sauce on it, so what? I have all sorts of things for breakfast, curry, soup, salads in the summer.

Do you pick the fish out of your own fish pie, that you've either ordered, made or bought for yourself? If so, it's not the same thing as what's happening here.

As for the rest, you've been told in the house would want the food mentioned after he's picked the best bits out. So no, there aren't tonnes of things to be done with them. If you think someone in the household should be using picked through leftovers on a cheese sandwich or similar regardless of whether they want to or not, that means DH is also included in this communal responsibility. You've additionally left out the extra work and planning it involves, that he doesn't take any part in.

It also means all his ready meals and takeaways are equally free access to the rest of the household. He can just have whatever's left with some tuna because whatever, we can't be rigid about the right way to eat and other completely unconnected people would be willing to consume it.

This is utterly mind boggling

I would pick it out whoever made it, I dont eat potato. I already said I wouldnt make it formyself or buy it for myself at home for this reason but I will order it out.

And talk about over exaggerating 'extra work', removing some peppers and using them for something else?

Im merely suggesting what left over peppers could be used for, why the insistence of using the term 'picked through', do you think the pan has been hacked at by hyenas or crows or something?

Theres no food waste in this house, Im an excellent and creative cook and I use whatever is left in whatever format its there.

OP can divorce him or not divorce him, for any reason she chooses, thats a different matter but this rigid insistence that people all have to eat the same way is ridiculous.

He doesn’t sound very attractive or sexy , OP

Happily single but if i was married it would not anger me if my husband took some of my meatballs. Its not deep.

Right, if it's your own meal ordered for you it isn't the same thing as what DH is doing. Not even close.

OP has already told us the peppers would be chucked. You can't just decide that actually the picked through leftovers (and that's OPs term) are fine to have because you can think of things you'd do with them. But if actually, there is a collective responsibility for the household to eat them even if they don't want them, that also includes DH. And since apparently this work involved is so minimal, it'll be no problem for him to do it. No special treatment.

If you want to criticise people for comments about breakfast chicken sandwiches and the like, you're better off not tying that to double standard based arguments that try and pretend there's nothing wrong with what he's doing.

Picking fish out of your own pie is your own choice. Picking fish out of someone elses pie is the issue.

Same with the chicken, meatballs etc. Especially if you never cook and are making more work for the person who does cook and was maybe looking forward to the fish pie or chicken fajitas.

It would be the same if my OH cooked it or I went round to someones house for dinner, I simply used an example of eating out.

There isnt anything wrong in what he's doing, theres no pretence about it, as another poster says 'its not that deep', eat it or dont eat it.

Collective responsibility - its not a union, people should enjoy food, eat what they like, Im a huge foodie, food is for enjoyment and pleasure. I used the example of using the peppers in something else because if the family didnt like peppers, they wouldnt have put them in the dish no? So if they like them in the dish, they'll eat them in something else, otherwise they wouldnt be there.

If they dont like them, then leave them out next time. Its not difficult.

People really are getting wound up on threads like this (this isnt the only one over the years) because someone doesnt like the whole of a meal, well ok then.

What is the extra work, this is what I referenced above?

The extra work is the thought and effort in “oh, we were going to have that meal I prepared but DH has only left us some peppers. Never mind, I’m a resourceful little 1950s housewife: I’ll think of and buy ingredients for and prepare a different thing! And then if he comes and steals the meat out of that one too …. Rinse and repeat!”

idiotic not to think this is more work

Why should OP have to think about cooking anything else when she has already done it only for DH to help himself and ruin the dinner she has prepared? It is incredibly selfish.

If he wants fish or chicken, he can go out and buy it himself. Plain. So he doesn't have to take apart anyone elses food.

How can food be enjoyment and a pleasure when someone is regularly picking apart the dinner you were looking forward to so you then have to make something else?

Again, it is incredibly selfish.

Again, the fact that this is your own meal is what makes it different to DH here. If you want a comparable example, it would be you picking the fish out of a meal intended for someone else. It's very noticeable that you haven't claimed to do that.

There isn't a hard and fast rule that because people like peppers in a chicken fajita dish, they'll like the remaining peppers from picked through leftovers on a cheese sandwich, no. That's a pretty bizarre belief. If people should enjoy food and eat what they like, that means accepting that what you consider to be helpful suggestions about leftovers actually aren't, when the person in charge of the food in the house has already explained that nobody would want them.

You're going to some ridiculously gymnastic lengths to excuse bad behaviour. It's ok that you were wound up about someone's chicken sandwich for breakfast remark, but it's a separate point.

Im thinking you just chuck them with some tuna, mackeral, ham, cheese and have them in the same format, theres no cooking involved. Im simply making suggestions, people are being very anal about this. Its not some big thing here, you wouldnt need to do a special shopping trip or special 'work'. Left over flavoured peppers are ideal for throwing in a salad for lunch the following day, putting as bruschetta topping, whizzing up and having as a sauce for something.

Ok, lol.

The suggestions are irrelevant anyway because chicken fajitas were made in that instance, I'm assuming it was chicken fajitas that were wanted and not a salad or other alternative.

Again, you've been told they would be chucked. You've also not been told what other food is available, so you have no idea what might need to be specially bought in order to make these leftover picked through pepper meals that evidently nobody would want anyway. It's an exercise in pointlessness.

so in order that the husband can eat what he fancies in the moment, the rest of the family must be endlessly flexible about what they want or were looking forward to.

yup, seems fair.

When younger I used to tell people I couldn’t eat certain things and people accommodated me. One morning I had a full fat Coke for breakfast on an empty stomach then spent the morning doubled over in pain. I realised then that I only really wanted junk and shit food which wasn’t fair on others who were making a) an effort to cook for me and b) accommodating my choices whilst watching me eat mounds of crap after refusing their food. It took a while but I grew up and started eating like an adult. I’m not autistic or arfid, nor do I have disordered eating, I was just being utterly selfish. Perhaps one day our DH will realise this.