I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

Ah the man just wanted his meatballs!

I couldn’t marry a fussy eater. We all have our preferences but I can’t do with their shit.

Hmmm no. you can't pick out the best, quality protein ingredient and take that for yourself and leave an unworkable meal for someone else. Either have a meatball meal or fuck off and leave the food alone.

It's a bit like picking all the chicken out of chicken soup and leaving nothing but stock for the next persons meal. It's selfish.

They weren't his. They were someone else's lunch. You don't get to walk up and pick the ham out of someone else's sandwich.

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. If he's that fussy he can go to the shop and buy his own bloody meatballs rather than pick out bits of your left overs.

I can see your point. If you were prepared to cook him pasta, next time could you make an extra portion of meatballs so he can have some, but there's still enough for leftovers?

It must be difficult with having children, as you don't want to encourage them to be fussy eaters. My DH is a beige eater too, so I understand your frustration, but we don't have kids, so it's easier to let him do as he pleases.

So you would have been fine with him eating the meatballs if he’d eaten the sauce too, or had some pasta with them? But not if he ate them alone? That doesn’t make much sense. Just pretend he ate it all if it makes you feel better.

I can’t think of a more unappealing trait in a man than a fussy eater.

I couldn’t marry a bloke that would sit and eat the bread basket because he didn’t like anything on the menu. Thats fine up until the age of 3.

Who cares whether he eats just the meatballs, meatballs plus sauce or neither? Very odd that you would tell him what he's allowed to eat.

No way would that be acceptable here. Either you all sit down and eat together or he sorts himself out later and sits at the table to eat. No dippy eaters making a big mess standing up in the kitchen.

Life is too short for his variety of shit. No, he wasn’t entitled to cherry pick (meatball pick?). He should either grow up and behave like a functional adult or he should leave you all alone to live like normal humans and eat his own beige shite in his own time.

Agree. It’s almost attention seeking.

Even my dad, who is as “meat and two veg” as they come can find something on a menu.

It does make sense. Because she now has a pasta sauce that’s got to go in the bin. If he had left the meatballs, someone could have another meal the next day.

I’d tell the big baby to leave the grown up food alone and to stick some chicken dippers in the air fryer. What a drip! I couldn’t cope with this.

I think YABU specifically about the meatballs. If you were OK with him eating meatballs with pasta and sauce then why not just let him take the meatballs. The sauce can be used for something else. However I'd find it very hard to deal with the fussy eating in general and I would hate this in a partner so I'm guessing your AIBU is in the context of someone who is sick of this stupid childish fussy behaviour and has a low tolerance for it. In that context YANBU.

The person who cooked the meal and deliberately made left overs cares and I'm surprised you can't see why she would find it frustrating.

She's not telling him what he can and cannot eat she's simply saying don't waste half of the food that the rest of the family could eat. It's incredibly wasteful and really rude behaviour.

If he'd made the meal fine but he was actually eating OPs lunch

Why should the sauce go in the bin
you can still chuck it over pasta unless he’s dribbled in it

If there are meatballs for tomorrow, there is enough to share. He sounds like a pain in the ass, but you're very exacting. How miserable ☹️.

The OP has said that she cooks for herself and her children. He makes his own food because he’s so fussy.

It wasn’t his food to eat. Picking out the meatballs from the meal meant for his wife and children is odd, nothing else.

YABU because if you had cooked him pasta and he'd eaten the whole thing you wouldn't have been any better off. Why shouldn't he eat part of it? He's your husband, not a lodger. There's supposed to be some give and take.

Maybe eating the meatballs this time will extend his tastes and next time he'll be willing to try something else new.

I'm someone who massively struggles with food, borders on arfid and eats a lot of beige. If my husband found me picking at a new food, he'd be delighted and offer to make more for me. Yes, him picking out the meatballs is annoying, but if he's not ok with meatballs, then that's a positive and something you can eat as a family. If he's always eaten meatballs then it's annoying, but why wouldn't he be eating with you if he did like them...

This. I went on a couple of dates with a fussy eater and decided there was no future in it. I love going to restaurants, trying new foods, traveling, and I just can find fussy eating an attractive trait in an adult. I have 2 DDs with AuDHD who have each have a few issues with textures they dislike and I do understand that it can’t be helped but both my DDs try new foods regularly and revisit the things they dislike and they often find their tastes have evolved.
Your DH’s behaviour is unappealing and somewhat immature from a grown man.

You actually suffer with borderline ARFID, not afrid.

I can pick at food without making a mess in the kitchen so I'm sure many others are too.

Very extreme reactions. I think given your DH clearly has good issues I’d give him a bit of a pass on this. But I would be gently, of if you like neat balls and try to incorporate that so you can eat as a family. I am assuming some sort of issue around food rather than him just being difficult