I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

Bullshit. I pay half everything in this house - I wouldn't just go and take all the meat off DP's plate of food he'd made for himself, on the very regular occasions when for various reasons we sort out our own meals - and I defy you to argue it would be fine if I did.

This. DH has food that we get in the weekly shop for his packed lunches. I don’t help myself to his lunch food because I paid for half of the bill.

It's still meal planning and prep if you do it same day or even if you go to the shop every day. You still have to decide what you're making, make sure you've got what you need, know how long it's going to take and then actually do the chopping and cooking. We're not particularly organised and often decide what is for dinner on the day (which I reckon is more hassle than good advance planning but it's just not our strong point) but it doesn't happen automatically.

Planning is not avoidable unless you're on a strict weekly schedule of Monday bolognese, Tuesday fish and chips, Wednesday chicken curry etc. Which would actually be the ultimate in meal planning I suppose and would take a lot of the thinking out of it but might get a bit boring.

I sometimes feel like life is a never ending series of what's for dinner, and I only do 50% of that job. But some people do like it!

If a couple can’t deal with something like this then it doesn’t bode well for their relationship.

But the main venom and contempt shown to the DH is because he doesnt eat the ‘acceptable’ range of foods.

Depends what you cook though. Meal planning and prep is something that people see as a huge hassle but it’s as much hassle as you choose to make it.

Well maybe I'm just bad at it! But I hate deciding what's for dinner and love leftover nights precisely because that takes all the work out of it. I have a piece of art in my kitchen that says 'Sometimes I can't think of anything better than hotdogs' and I love it because it speaks to my soul😆

But the main venom and contempt shown to the DH is because he doesnt eat the ‘acceptable’ range of foods.

I dispute that to be honest, it's because he is taking food off his kids, while ALSO giving his wife the added responsibility of cooking them something else the next day.. if you can't see why that is taking the piss then no one can really explain it any better.

It's all well and good that he sorts his own food out, he is the one with the food issue, but by doing that he is also choosing to opt out of ever shopping and cooking for his kids too.. he leaves all that to OP, so no, he can't just 'opt in' and help himself to their food when he feels like it without a knock on effect somewhere.. which he doesn't care about.. THAT is the problem, not his diet in itself.

Either way if you find it easy or hard, it's still time and effort and the OP's husband tried to take that time and effort without asking, giving her extra work. He wasn't going to do that work for her. Disrespectful and he doesn't have the right to give her extra jobs without discussion.

I don't think anyone cares what he eats. I think they care about him stealing and ruining his wife's meals that she's prepared for herself.

He can buy and cook his own sauce less meatballs until the cows come home, but he should leave her leftovers alone!

I don’t think that’s the whole point
If he’s normally sorting himself out and OP is cooking for the rest of the family I’m assuming she’s only made enough for them.
if he’s then eating whatever combination there’s probably none left for everyone else

OP have you asked him to go to the GP? Sounds like ARFID.
they can point him towards help and CBT to help him eventually try new foods

If a couple can’t deal with something like this then it doesn’t bode well for their relationship.

I agree with you. But it's both of the couple who must deal with it by treating each other with consideration, not just the wife accepting the man's selfish crap. I would not want the latter type of relationship to "bode well", I'd be too busy rushing to get out of it.

By any chance does he opt out of cooking and feeding the kids because he doesn’t eat it? And then on top of that eating the leftovers you planned for them, creating more work for you…YANBU

Exactly, OP said he normally orders takeaways, I'm sure he wouldn't be happy if he had leftovers for the next day and the OP went and picked the meat out of it.

I dont know about salt, but I do know that sugar is highly addictive. i was an addict many years ago (and probably still am). I gave up sugar completely, and believe you me, sugar is in everything, and of course off the shelf pasta sauces. It only takes a few days to withdraw, and then the mere smell of sugar is revolting.

I think, for what it's worth, leave him alone. Let him eat what he wants. It might be annoying, but where's the harm? A bit of slack wouldn't do any harm.

The harm is OP has to continually renegotiate what she’s serving because he’s come snd picked bits out of it having said he doesn’t want it. How would you organise this slack? She should always have a plan b for her and her children’s meals because he might come along and eat the main bit of them?

It’s more than annoying. Imagine you’ve gone to eat your leftover chicken curry for lunch only to find a container of sauce and rice
my DP doesn’t like condiments so I do alter stuff but that’s not a big deal but taking a major part of the whole meal is
or maybe this is why I live alone so I don’t open the fridge to find half my meal missing

It's selfish and inconsiderate. He can eat whatever he wants, he just needs to leave OP's food alone. It isn't hard.

For better or for worse.

He eats her meatballs.

This thread becomes more and more ridiculous as things progress.

They're meatballs. He doesn't eat the sauce.

Is this some kind of abuse? Really?

Where did I say it was abuse?

Is that the low standards we have now? He can be selfish and inconsiderate but eh, it isn't abusive. No thank you.

"On Top of Spaghettttttiiiiiii, all covered with cheeeeeese. I lost my poor Meeeeeatball....when somebody Sneezed..."

Ok Sorry....I just couldn't help it
😀

I have to agree. We often eat pasta with just the sauce.

You didn't. Sorry if you felt that.

OMG i don't know where to start here. It has been suggeted in other OPs. It's what happens in MN. People digging deeper. There hs nowhere to go. He ate her bluddy meanballs. End of, unless OP is looking for a way out.

Ridiculous. He ate the fucking meatballs. End of. OP plese move on.