I didn’t let my husband eat the meatballs, AIBU?

[dancebabybee]

My husband is an incredibly fussy eater. Basically, he will only eat beige foods and sugar. This makes going out to eat very difficult as well as cooking for him at home. There have been times in restaurants when he will complain there is NOTHING he likes on the menu (despite the menu being extensive) and he ends up eating a bread basket. I am giving you this history as it is important for what happened this evening…

I made meatballs, tomato ragu and spaghetti for dinner. Due to my husbands extreme fussy eating, I don’t usually cook for him and he is left to sort himself out. Me and the children had this for dinner. When I went into the kitchen afterwards, he had started picking at the sauce left in the pan, scooping the meatballs out, scraping the tomatoes and sauce off. I asked him whether he wanted me to make him some pasta, he said no he just wanted to eat the meatballs. I told him to please not, as it will just leave a load of sauce that nobody will want to eat without meatballs in it, and I wanted to save the spare for lunch or dinner tomorrow. He then got annoyed about this and sulked off…

AIBU?

I agree, how do people find the time to shop for ingredients every day? Or do they just weekly shop for a huge selection to pick from and bin everything that doesn't get used? (My MIL used to do this, I was horrified!)

Why is he picking food out of dishes you've cooked? That's beyond selfish.

Either you/he cook extra, separate fish/chicken/meatballs, or he has something completely different.

Eating disorders, arfid etc aren't necessarily there from birth. You're describing incredibly disordered eating, even if you might not see it as fitting in a classic ED box.

That was very bossy and selfish of you. If that’s what he likes you should accept that and cater for him accordingly. Why should you tell him what he can or can’t eat?

He caters for himself, a post made that clear. Why does she have to cater for him?

1956 called....

I'm a batch cooker. Both my DH and I finish work late a couple of days a week, and we want to put a decent meal on the table on those nights. We plan ahead so we can take a lasagne or bolognaise or similar out of the freezer and just heat it up.
This saves us a massive amount of time and means we can spend time with our children rather than spending most of the remaining evening in the kitchen.
As this is mumsnet, I feel that I need to state that this is what works for us, and I am not in any way saying that everyone should do it!

God, I hate that stupid expression "beige food"

He is your husband so I guess it is different. My son is a fussy eater if he showed an interest in something different I’d be so happy and make a 100 more.

Of course it's different.

Yes, the mother-son relationship is very different to the wife-husband relationship. You know it is.

I'd be icked out if my partner expected me to parent him!

Of course it is. That’s what I said.
My DH would eat anything and cooks for himself.
If my DH had food phobia and showed an interest in something that I cooked I probably would cook more, not because I’m his mother but because I love him.
The man has helped me shower when I was ill, changed my underwear, dressed me, prepare meals.
It is okay to be extra caring occasionally.

Not if he's personally making no effort to address the situation or doesn't even acknowledge it as a problem.

Not if your family eats mostly the same things every week. Surely you just pick up what you need and cook whatever suits each day?

It takes more time and effort to mess around making meal plans and cooking huge batches of stuff that doesn’t really taste as good once it has been frozen.

Ah yes - second only to 'I could not even begin to try to consider having the mental energy to worry about this' - 'Surely you just'.

Making a second quantity of sauce isn’t “huge batches”. And yes, freezing the pasta would make it taste odd, but heating the sauce and cooking fresh pasta to go with it is a real timesaver. You have the same meals week in and week out? That sounds exciting.

Absolutely agree!! How dare he!

Tell him to prepare his own dishes - he can’t pick the most expensive ingredient out of a meal for your kids. Selfish man.

It isn't a food phobia though. He soon picks at chicken, fish etc when OP makes it.

OP doesn't cook for him because he has complained when she has cooked for him the past.

If he ate meatballs with pasta there would still be less meatballs in the sauce......This feels a bit silly to me

Might not sound ‘exciting’ but it avoids the martyrdom of the ‘mental load’.

I see posts on here from people who spend the best part of a day every week planning, batch cooking etc. Great if you enjoy it but it’s only part of the mental load if you choose to make it so.

Assuming he contributes to the household then actually he has just as much right to eat what he wants as anyone else in the household

What does the 'general clamour' on this site have to do with anything?

This is a very individual situation where they have decided as a couple to keep food things separately because of his extremely picky habits.. except he wants to 'opt in' when it suits him, but not fully opt in mind you, he doesn't want to eat the meal OP has prepared, he wants to eat the main part of it, thus making the leftovers for the next day unusable.

It's like someone refusing to eat pizza that is being made, but then come in secretly afterwards and eating all the cheese and topping off the leftover slices, leaving just the bread. .yes it's bread and it's edible, but it is no longer a meal, in the way that tomato sauce without meatballs in it is no longer a meal.. it's wasteful and inconsiderate to ruin a perfectly good leftover meal when you could make something else for yourself.

Bet he'd have had something to say if OP had decided she fancied a bit of dessert and eaten half the ready meal he was intending for his tea.

So does OP but he deprived her of a meal she planned and cooked for herself. So in fact he stopped her eating what she wanted in her own house. Or is it only men who are entitled to eat what they want?