Do not enter-you are a s**t mum

[Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse]

This is what my 8 year old wrote on her door handle thing, that you can hang over your door.
Following another argument about not being allowed on YouTube, she stormed upstairs, shut the door and put this sign on the handle, she then fell asleep.
We were travelling lots at the weekend and are all lacking sleep. Dh says to just leave it, but I find it upsetting and was shocked she'd written it.
None of us have mentioned it yet.

What would you do?

She’s not just „speaking up“, she’s insulting her mother.
That 8 year old has a foul language and terrible attitude. Parenting means setting boundaries and the line should be drawn at abusive language. 8 years old or not - she can learn not to be rude by experiencing the consequences of her behaviour.

Well, I'm afraid I think differently. I would never tell a child they are a little shit or not a decent person. That's name-calling - which ironically is exactly what we are all saying the child should not have done.

I would always focus on the behaviour being unacceptable.

Sorry, I don't think you did. I was agreeing that some children don't do it, and just observing I did even though my parents were stricter than I am.

It was just discussion ... not accusation.

You mean you didn't use a red pen??? Must have been a result of our being teachers, never ending supply.

Other mums would joke to me about it. My adult DC now tell me that I was stricter than some of their friends’ parents and they appreciate it in hindsight (but moaned at the time).

This just isn't true. We have an abundance of research about how ineffective behavioural parenting is. If the only reason a dc doesn't do something is out of fear of punishment, they usually start doing it again as soon as they aren't in a situation they can't be punished.

I'm not saying I wouldn't address swearing at a parent, but this idea that you have to go in with heavy punishments to avoid future trouble is evidenced not to be the case.

This thread is the clearest ‘gentle parenting at its worst’ shite show I’ve seen in a while

8 year olds should not be on YouTube

Thanks for the clarification. I was raised in a climate of fear, and I would never have done that to my children.
I think that's why I responded.
This is why me and DH worked so hard with good communication and clear boundaries, no bad language and a very respectful atmosphere.

Teachers used to stand in loco parentis, this site is critical of any teacher whose social media shows them out clubbing, bad example apparently, teachers should be setting an example of clean living and permanent sobriety!

I've never seen any disapproval on this site of teachers clubbing!

Yes, I think we are saying the same thing.

The way forward is explanation of how it hurt , getting her to apologise and giving her the tools to do better next time, not fire and brimstone or condemnation.

I treasure a note by my son at about the same age. "You are the world's worst parents." With a drawing of himself looking sad.

When my child has called me a bad mum Ive sat her down and explained what being a bad mum looks like really. So for example if it’s stemmed from me not letting her watch telly or eat more sweets Id tell her if I was really a bad mum I’d let her watch telly and eat sweets all day long and I wouldn’t care at all if her teeth fell out or her brain turned to jelly. This approach seems to have worked so far, I’ve not been called a bad mum for a while. 🤷‍♀️

As far as swearing goes, my stance is that it just shows that you don’t know any of the much better/more cutting/more appropriate words out there. I wouldn’t dwell on that part of it at all.

And yes take a pic, perfect for 21st birthday slideshow

Oh, you need to look here after the Christmas party season, they'll be here, simulated pearls clenched tightly in their fists!

The drawing is a great touch!😁

You should have been proud of the grammar though, especially the apostrophe, 9/10, point lost for the sentiment!

She's 8, where was she planning to go?

I disagree. She js speaking up by expressing her disappointment and frustration.

Did she speak up in an adult way? No. Because she is 8.

She, like all of us, is learning how yo negotiate her way through life. I don't really believe there needs to be a 'consequence' in this instance. Talking to her and explaining why YouTube is inappropriate, and asking why she felt do angry would be a better start. Then helping her understand that protecting her from some of the adult things she may see on YouTube us actually being a good mummy. And letting her know that sometimes she isn't going to like what her parents decide, but thay doesn't make them shit, that's part and parcel of being a child.
There are many times kids need consequences, but in this instance I would not choose to use them as punishment.

This

I would find that secretly hilarious, but of course would deal with the language issue.

8 yr old using that language would face consequences in our house

My understanding is that it's a reusable sign, a whiteboard or chalkboard or similar. I'd give it back to her clean when she was being nice again. If I've got that wrong and it's something permanent then no, I wouldn't give it back.

Oh, I see! Thank you!

Always remember, 'gentle' is only one letter short of 'neglect'.