Do not enter-you are a s**t mum

[Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse]

This is what my 8 year old wrote on her door handle thing, that you can hang over your door.
Following another argument about not being allowed on YouTube, she stormed upstairs, shut the door and put this sign on the handle, she then fell asleep.
We were travelling lots at the weekend and are all lacking sleep. Dh says to just leave it, but I find it upsetting and was shocked she'd written it.
None of us have mentioned it yet.

What would you do?

until you can prove to me you’re a decent person.’

I think there is a lot of dangerous sub-text in that phrasing to be honest.

She's a child. It was naughty, it was rude. But she isn't needing to "prove" her worth to anyone. What is the opposite of a "decent" person?

She just needs to apologise and work to learn to express it better.

Always focus on the behaviour I think, not the intrinsic worth of the person or lack thereof. That way a lot of MH issues lie ...

Imagine if this had happened in school, she had expressed a similar opinion about her teacher. Would the teacher be expected to stay uber calm and later have a long meaningful chat about her 'feelings', where she learned such language etc etc? SHe would probably have been on some instant punishment programme, busy people don't have time to pander to brats.

Honestly I'd wear it to breakfast. See how it plays out.

If she doesn't tell you to take it off and settle in for a talk, then I'd try to answer her a few times with a pointy finger and "sorry, I can't, I'm a shit mum".

If she gets angry I'd let her get wound up and then talk to her after school about working together on what effective communication looks like because the sign and breakfast didn't really work for anybody.

At some point when the sting has gone I'd have to hang it in the car.

The teacher is also not charged with bringing up the child, so the approach might well be different.

I think i laughed and told him if he could source a rocket then I would do so. When you don't take it personally it doesn't sting so much.
Funnily, he is also the first up tell me if I am over stepping boundaries or if he disagrees with my decisions.

Op, my parents would have gone nuts if I had written a note like that. As a consequence I have always struggled to tell anyone how I feel. Please give her the tools to communicate without making her feel her feelings don't matter.

She can learn to communicate by understanding why the notice was unacceptable, and how to cope without choosing to write something down which is hurtful.

I can't be the only parent on here whose children never wrote offensive signs and hung them on their bedroom doors?

The problem comes when the wet parents expect the same laissez faire attitude in school when a teacher is facing 30 of the same, too many children have never heard the word No, maybe it needs to be reintroduced.

The opposite of a decent person is someone who writes their mum messages telling them they’re shit. If that isn’t nipped in the bud she will become the kind of person who does things like that. I agree with the PP that actually making people reflect on their behaviour and what it says about them as a person is important. I would not treat it as an isolated incident, I’d treat it with the seriousness it deserves before she becomes completely feral.

As a consequence I have always struggled to tell anyone how I feel. Please give her the tools to communicate without making her feel her feelings don't matter.

I think that encapsulates it OP: it's not what she did, but how she did it, and she needs to a) accept her approach was wrong and b)guidance as to how she might have done it.

The truth is, that is her 8 year old battle, and she is learning how best to fight it. We are all on here discussing the correct way to handle a parent's battle. We all need to learn and sometimes just aren't sure of the best way to go about it.

Whilst you have a point, it's important to tell her that in other situations she'd be in serious trouble, and think about that.

My DC once said this age 4 in front of other people in a momentary rage. V embarrassing. It was a one off. Late teens now and has been brilliant with no issues. Take it down and tell her to pack it in.

It reminds me of when yearsago I lived in Crouch End and walked past a mum and 3 year old saying ‘xxx we don’t appear to be on the same communication wavelength !! - gave me a great laugh .

Even in that post, though, you are blending the concepts. You are saying that poster was wanting to make the child reflect on their behaviour (which, I agree, she should). But the wording was actually that she need to "prove" she was a "decent person." That goes a big step further than reflecting on the behaviour.

Yes, that's a good point..

Yes! And write the date and her age on the sign, so you don't forget when you show her in 25 years, lol!

And definitely have a word about language and respect. 😲

This. If you do nothing she’ll raise merry hell as a teenager.

She's 8. She doesn't really understand how hurtful being a shit mum can be. She needs to learn it's okay to be disappointed, frustrated and angry. She doesn't need to 'be a good girl' all the time. And she doesn't need to feel the weight of her mother's emotions.

kids say hurtful things sometimes.

How we deal with them as their parents matters. She was tired and upset. On e everyone has calmed down, then they can talk through better ways to communicate. My point is, shouting at her, banning things, removing her right yo visit friends etc (All have been suggested) means this little girl learns not to speak up for herself and that her feelings do not matter.

That's not how I raised my kids.

Yes because it needs to be examined beyond the behaviour, we are what we do, behaviour like that doesn’t come out of no where. A child doesn’t just act like a little shit, they are one if it’s recurrent, and I would bet it’s not isolated.

Husband sounds as wet as anything too. I wouldn't accept being spoken to like that at all.

Mine didn't but I definitely did the "Keep Out" in a rage.

And my parents were probably stricter than I am so I don't think it's fear being instilled that deters it.

You've got the wrong poster.
I never once suggested shouting at her or confiscating anything.
That's not how I raised my children.
Not once did they ever write such a notice or say such a thing.

Where has anyone suggested "instilling fear"?
That's not how I raised my children.

Yes, of course teachers are expected to stay calm and respond proportionately to kids. What a weird thing to say.

Nonsense, if she's old enough to write it then she's old enough to take the consequences. Maybe simply show it to the class teacher, say how good your daughter is at handwriting and spelling then ask when they will be learning to use apostrophes to short words like You are to the more natural You're. She be under the table with embarrassment at this stage.