Do not enter-you are a s**t mum

[Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse]

This is what my 8 year old wrote on her door handle thing, that you can hang over your door.
Following another argument about not being allowed on YouTube, she stormed upstairs, shut the door and put this sign on the handle, she then fell asleep.
We were travelling lots at the weekend and are all lacking sleep. Dh says to just leave it, but I find it upsetting and was shocked she'd written it.
None of us have mentioned it yet.

What would you do?

This again!

I didn't mean the word "shit". I meant the whole phrase: you are a shit mum (bless her, seems she asterixed out the h and i!).

Are 8 year olds routinely hearing/saying "you've got a shit mum" at school?! It's suggestive that she sees OP as "a mum" rather than HER mum, or just mum.

I can imagine "I hate you". But "you are a shit mum" is quite an advanced way to articulate that feeling, especially when preceded by "do not enter" which is entirely age appropriate!

Why is DH not dealing with this? Surely he should be backing up the fact that the stance on YT is from both of you, reminding her of all the things you do that are not shit and explaining that what she did was hurtful

If nothing else this backs up the reasons kids should not be on YouTube

It explains why so many children are the way they are in public, though. No consequences whatsoever.

The perfect response, I think.

I am shocked that your 8 yo knows that language, let alone thinks it's okay to use it in reference to you. My teens wouldn't dream of speaking to me like that! I agree that her reaction obviously indicates that you're actually a good Mum!

I would trust your gut that something needs to be said and that there should be a consequence (but give some calming down time first!)

Have you ever met an 8 year old 🤔They're capable of stringing a simple sentence together even if they haven't heard that exact sentence before.

I've just read your updates. You said that it's unusual behaviour so I'd be concerned that something really bad has happened or that puberty is around the corner. It's not unusual these days for 8 year olds to be starting puberty sadly.

I don’t think it was the right tactic to leave it there without saying anything and let her scribble it out then bring it up. It must have felt like a trap to her. No wonder she was on the defensive.

No, don't ignore it. I would never accept this language even from my now teenagers. I'm sure they secretly think it and probably mutter it under their breath at times but I don't believe they would ever say or write that so blatantly.
I am not a disciplinarian either although have worked in school for years (secondary more recently).
The behaviour coming from this age is just vile right now and needs to be addressed.
Don't blame yourself OP, kids go to school and pick things up. I don't agree that's it's always a parenting issue, it's often environmental but most definitely should be addressed.
Your husband should be supporting you. WWYD if she called him a shit dad?

I would stop the playdates at friends' houses where they are allowed unlimited access to youtube. I had to do this with two of my kids friends. These children are allowed unsupervised access to the Internet (from the age of 8) and my kids came home with shocking stories. The parents are lovely and seem to have good values but no idea what they are thinking. Luckily they aren't good friends. You have to protect them.

@Getthosesquishiesoutofthehouse I really laughed at this. Speaking as a parent with adult children. It is just a child’s expression of their distaste about adult boundaries.

shit is a word in my experience is in an 8 year olds lexicon. And overreacting to a swear word might appeal to their desire to rebel, and swear more.

So i would always try to create humour out of nonsense, not create a big drama that they can feed in to.

make them laugh, i would probably have spent some time creating a sign that said shit mothers dinner is this way, with a big pointy arrow.

My kids each had a hate you phase, i would reply well i will always love you.

Absolutely this. ⬆️

I'd be more upset about the swearing than the sentiment, OP. She's cross because you won't let her do as she likes on the internet, which is good parenting. Take heart: When I was not much younger than your DD, I wrote "I hate Mummy" in the sand on holiday because she wouldn't let me do something. 🤣 Can't remember what. Of course, I loved her deeply.

Why on earth has an 8 year old had access to YouTube?
No need to ask where she is getting the language from, if she has access like this.

Take no chances. Confiscate her phone in case she's put Social Services on speed dial.

"grounded" - where is she going, she's 8! Plus I assume the OP is not American.

She wouldn’t have access to SM or the TV for a considerable time.
I would also have to control myself not to go absolutely ballistic.
We never used bad language to our kids (I’m not saying you do) and they have never used it with us.

Do you guys have short memories or what?

8 year olds say bad words. Do you not remember being 8?

Ps whatever you do you and H should ALWAYS support each other in front of your kids - even if afterwards you discuss it together and think one was over the top.
We sometimes disagreed with how one of us handled things but never in front of our kids, we’d wait until they were in bed to discuss it.

Nope, not at this age but then it was the 1980s and I got the slipper if I put any foot out of place (no, I am not saying this is right but that is how it was for me).
No idea what would have happened if I'd said this but it wouldn't have been nice!

How does an 8 year old know how to use asterisks for swear words?! I’d be horrified if mine did that or spoke to me like that.

And it's not the 'bad word'. She has shown utter disrespect and a total lack of appreciation for her mother. That's the problem, not 'shit'. It's the context and meaning of the whole phrase.

get rid of YouTube altogether. It’s absolute brain rot for children.

Tell her it’s finished permanently until she is 12 and if she refers to you like that again in words or writing, there will be more consequences.

Then spend loads of time with your DD whilst she is still young… do as much as you can together. I remind myself that I only have 15-18 summers with my kid, 15-18 Christmas days (whilst they are kids).
Don’t give YouTube your valuable time xoxo

It wasn't actually asterisks, just sort of little dots/spaces, I just put it like that