Help me with a come back creepy colleague

[Thingsivesaid]

My colleague is a 60 something man and im in my 40s. He gives me the creeps. Used to touch my back without permission, is crossing professional boundaries by asking personal questions about my life and divorce (i change subject) And now the latest, He comments on my hair! Nearly every day. 'So, you've got a pony tail today. Your hair is on curls. Who plaited your hair for you. When are you going to wear a ponytail again?' Yuck!!! I didnt say much when the comments started, just ignored or said yea, but he didnt get the hint. Now ive said in a very dry tone a few times 'I didnt know you were interested in womens hairstyles.' But i dont think he'll stop. Please help me with a perfect come back! Something that shuts him up for good. (Bearing in mind i need to be able to exist in the same small office for the foreseeable)

And at the same time take a notebook and pen and say can you repeat that? When he says what are you doing, say making a note so I remember when talking to hr since I’ve asked you to stop commenting on my appearance.

Or start off with ‘stop commenting on my appearance’ and if he does the whole I’m only joking, take out the notebook and pen and say ok, can you repeat that and follow as above…

Too much drama.
Too much energy and time wasted.

Just say you are.making me feel uncomfortable, stop.

If witnesses present all the better.
It will work 💯.

I wouldn’t try to be witty. He will love that. I think, deadpan and no humour, just clear and concise, “your behaviour belongs in the 70s, stop
commenting on my appearance and do not lay a finger on me. You are being wholly inappropriate and unprofessional”.

Edited because, good god I’m tired and apparently have lost the ability to type!

I’d probably say ‘FFS why are you always going on about my hair’.

I'm not very patient with this kind of crap.
He's a bloody weirdo.

Have you got any allies at work at all? Could you ask them to witness for you?

Next time say, hang on David. Go a get your ally and then “ok David can you repeat what you just said to me?”

Oh no! Thats disgusting, im sorry you went through that. My office creep is not this obvious. He comes accross as caring and complementing and a true old fashioned gentleman when you first meet him. Dresses nice, still fit and some would think handsome (obviously not to me). But a creep he is. I don't want to leave my job because of him. I just want him to fuck off.

Don't make a joke of it. Be clear, so he has no excuse for misunderstanding.

• Tell him to stop commenting on your appearance.
• Tell him to stop silently standing in your doorway.
• Tell him he does not need to know what you are working on.

If he continues, point out you have already told him to stop, and if he continues, it's harassment.

Take notes of the time and date of each occurance and what he says and does.

The law is changing at the end of this month (30 October) - it covers harassment and whistleblowing. HR shoukd not just be brushing it off. Make a fuss. Things don't improve when people stay silent.

https://www.acas.org.uk/employment-rights-act-2025

"are you meaning to come across as creepy/lecherous?"

Big smile "that's so sweet of you to notice. My own grandad never notices my hair"

I've used the latter in the pub. A guy was giving me grief and finding himself hilarious and then said "sorry love, we're bothering you aren't we?" so I answered, sweetly "not at all. I think it's great that you're still getting out. I only hope my own grandad is having as much fun tonight"

does he even realise I used to work with a very handsey colleague she couldn’t talk to you without touching you she had no idea

Why on earth would he know who you used to work with?

ETA agree about the "witty" comments though

Go away, you really creep me out!

The problem with that is that it makes it a “ you” problem. The fact is he being an annoying creep is the problem, not your feelings . I wouldn’t get aggressive either. makes you seem unprofessional.

Nice and factual- “David you are doing that odd lurking in the doorway thing” .”David, why are you commenting on my hair ,

If you want to be a bit ruder though I always like a “ shhh, I’m just doing something urgent” the moment he starts talking,

A friends young DD had just started her job fresh from school.A creepy older guy kept putting his arm round her ,and creeping up behind her.she didn't want to go to work. However her mum told her to report him .she did and he was sacked.you don't have to put up with this.

Also, his age is not relevant. This behaviour is no more acceptable if he's 20, 40, 60, or any other age, and age is a protected characteristic.

Fuck off, you creepy prick.

It's just a way of hiding in plain sight. He's a creep. 'David, if you touch me again or comment on my hair or appearance, I will report you for harassment. It's totally inappropriate and completely unwelcome. Is there any part of what I've said that you don't understand?'.

Im not going to say hes making me feel uncomfortable because thats what hes trying to do.
And im not going to flag this with hr because i know he would make it look and sound like im unreasonable and hes done nothing wrong. 'He was just trying to be nice!'

But i do like the ideas that call him out to be old 😄 I think i'll use them. He wont like that. Aww, so nice you show interest in hairstyles at your age. Or something..

Hi Dave i must insist you refrain from interacting with me at all, other than for professional reasons. I have opened a notebook about your behaviour towards me, should i require it in a formal complaint of sexual harassment.

Now what is it you were saying?

Sorry, not read later comments. Is this man possibly gay? If not, and a genuine creep, then do as others have suggested.

I've experienced this sort of inappropriate touching and physically recoiled (teacher/student) and didn't happen again.

You’re giving what he might think, intend or react way too much headspace. Focus on yourself. He’s irritating you with unprofessional and creepy behaviour. Do what you need to do to stop it.

say ok this needs to stop now and then stay silent.

A witty comeback won’t shut him up. He’ll pretend to think you are bantering with him. Be very direct as PPs have suggested, and try to get other team members on your side.

I quite like the passive aggressive
'sorry can you repeat that'
Wait for them to finish
Pause
'ok'.

Asking them to repeat it can show up how pointless and awkward sounding their comment was, without responding to it. As even if you use a witty comeback, some men will interpret that as evidence that you want the 'banter', whereas the above just shuts it down.

Another idea muster up the biggest loudest fart you can and let rip when he comes near you. Biological warfare 🤣

Your comeback should be a formal complaint to your line manager.

And im not going to flag this with hr because i know he would make it look and sound like im unreasonable and hes done nothing wrong. 'He was just trying to be nice!'

His intention does not matter under harassment law. He is making you feel uncomfortable - that is what matters. The whole reason harassment law has this as a principle is so that people can't use, "I was just trying to be nice," and "it was just a joke," as a defence. Even if he is genuinely trying to be nice, he needs to know that is not the effect it's having. He needs to change, even if he is well-intentioned (which I doubt.)

If he's loitering in your doorway as part of his general leave-taking, just wave one hand in his general direction and say "Bye then, Dave" without looking up.