To be absolutely fed up with male violence

[Cicchetti]

Dr Hannah Terry. Another woman murdered.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx4g1z2ydqp4o

I worry sick for my daughters and all my grandchildren.
Why has it proven so hard for society to bring up kind gentle men?
Why do we know more but the violence continues?
Is modern life far too stressful for parents to model sound behaviour? To supervise screens? To parent with patience?
Virtually no parents smack anymore (good) yet women are killed.

Don't forget the government who just released a load of violent men early due to lack of space.
Violence against women has practically been decriminalised. Why do people think the UK is so popular with criminals? We have the most pathetic punishments for these crimes that's why. They know they will likely get away with it or at most a very soft sentence. There is no deterrent.
I would urge any woman and their daughters to learn self defense/practice martial arts. We're on our own here.

My dh is nothing like this, it makes me sad that his behaviour is rare it is frequently commented on. When I had dd1 for example all the nurses could talk about was how brilliant he was. He was just being normal he basically acts like a decent woman would act yet in a man this is seen as some sort of incredible achievement. Depressing.

Sadly the very opposite is often true.

Same, @OneoftheWeddingPeople
My DH is great and I know he calls other men on their behaviour because people tell me.

So why do so many turn out to be witless useless lumps, at best, and raping murdering cunts at worst?

I'm also increasingly beginning to think it is most if not all men.

And I am as certain as I can be that my son is one of the good ones because I raised him to be a decent man and we discussed this a lot when he was growing up.

He came home from school one day in the 6th from and said there had been a conversation about whether women are responsible if they are raped when they are drunk. The majority of his peers thought women were 'at least 50% responsible' including the girls.

He said that he knew it wasn't right and he didn't agree but he couldn't fully articulate why in a way that would change the minds of the others. So we talked about it and watched the Tea and Consent video. He said it was perfect and explained exactly what he had felt but hadn't been able to put into words. He went back to school the following day and shared it. Most people changed their minds and understood it too.

He was out with some friends last year and a couple of women around his age (mid to late 20s) asked if they could borrow his umbrella to cross the road from one bar to another because it was hammering it down.

He walked them across the road, they thanked him, he crossed back. One of the men he was with asked, "What did you do that for? They're not going to shag you!" And laughed. He just replied that he did it because he wasn't an arsehole and he might want to try it sometime.

Does he have blind spots? Probably because he isn't a woman and has never had the experience of being one but will a woman ever suffer at his hands? I'd be very surprised.
⁵
But it's so ingrained.

My current partner and my exh were equal partners in the house. I was never fully responsible for child rearing or housework or the mental load. But they had both grown up immersed in the same society and with the same language and the same beliefs as everyone else and some of their expectations of/beliefs about women needed some challenging. As did the language ("But thats just what people say," - no. It's what misogynists say. It's what men say and it's what some women who haven't challenged their own programming say.) But they were receptive to hearing the alternative.

I like that meme I keep seeing but can't find now that explains how, in a group of 10 men, you'll have one that makes a misogynistic/sexualised comment towards a woman; 2 will laugh because they think its funny, 2 will laugh because they want to fit in; 2 wil stay quiet because they are uncomfortable but don't want to challenge it; and 1 will speak up and challenge it.

I think that very easily articulates why men argue its not all men. If they know they wouldn't be the one making the comment, they consider themselves the good guy. But the only real good guy is the one who challenged it. However, that puts it at 10% of men are the good guy.

But I don't think that 10 of 100 men would speak up against it (as shown by Cornell) so it starts to look a lot like, however many men there are acting against women, laughing or keeping quiet, it's still only one man who will speak up. If we're lucky.

I believe most-if not all men- will ignore rape and sexual assault, even if not active participants. Even if they were not at personal risk.

They allow this to happen by failing to correct and condemn their mates when they make misogynist 'jokes' and disrespect women

They allow this to happen when they imply that women who report sexual assault and rape are making it up or were partially responsible.

They allow this to happen when, like the other guys who were in that Cornwell group chat, they see that a woman might be in danger of being abused but choose to do nothing about it.

They allow this to happen by normalising the degradation of women in porn.

Is that so hard for you to understand?

The Cornell men who ignored the rape: they weren't even at risk. It's not even like they had to physically defend her. And they rolled over and went back to sleep.

Greer was right.
They hate us. They really do.

By not reporting it - don't you understand that?

It's worth mentioning that in the Giselle Pellicot trial, the husband testified that of all the men who came to the house, about 100 came and didn't participate because they didn't think it was right/she was unable to consent. Not one of those men reported anything - AND THEY GENUINELY BELIEVE THEY ARE THE GOOD GUYS BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T RAPE HER!

The internet is the worst thing that ever happened to men and they ought to be banned from using it. THAT'S why things are getting worse.

I don’t think that men having access to unlimited violent pornography which degrades women helps the situation.

Men should be banned from the Internet?

Absolutely

The news just out says she was 'bludgeoned and strangled to death'. What a fcking bitter (beta) psycho loser. They walk amongst us. Millions of them.

with their kids and other people's kids in the house. So horrific.
Can't imagine what the kids must be feeling.

On the plus side he's still alive and didn't top himself like most of these losers in life do. Hopefully he will get treated 'real well' in prison.

https://archive.ph/1wJVQ

'Cornell 7' frat boy leaves America for 'Beverly Hills of Dubai', neighbor claims... as details of his international life of privilege and shock phone call with alleged gang-rape victim emerge

Of course he has. Prison? Nah luxury life in Dubai for Umar Matthew Ingalls. FFS

Ingalls appears to have spent his early childhood living in Connecticut and Washington, according to public property records, before moving with his family to the United Arab Emirates around 2016.

His Yale-educated father is a leading educator at the American University in Dubai. He has not responded to the Daily Mail's requests for comment.
His mother works as an Arabic and English language tutor and wellness coach.

One of the 'Cornell 7' fraternity brothers hit with explosive sexual assault allegations stemming from an alleged gang rape at the Ivy League school is believed to have retreated to Dubai, the Daily Mail can exclusively reveal.
Umar Matthew Ingalls won a coveted place at Cornell University in 2023, but his promising future unraveled after a female former student accused him and six other men of sexually assaulting her during a fraternity party in October 2024.
Ingalls, 21, was later expelled from Cornell following an internal university investigation.

One of Ingalls' neighbors told the Daily Mail they believe he has returned to the Middle East, where he enjoyed a privileged upbringing and attended an elite private school in Emirates Hills, the wealthy enclave often dubbed the 'Beverly Hills of Dubai.'

The allegations against Ingalls and his Chi Phi fraternity brothers exploded into the public sphere last month when a female former Cornell student, identified in court papers only as Jane Doe, filed a civil lawsuit accusing the men of drugging her with ketamine and gang raping her inside their fraternity house on the night of October 19, 2024.

Newly surfaced audio of a phone call purportedly between Ingalls and Doe in the days after the alleged incident captures him describing how they first ended up in a threesome and telling her that she had told him she was sober that night.
But records obtained by ABC News indicate Ingalls later told campus police that he was himself too intoxicated from alcohol and ketamine to consent.

According to those records, Ingalls claimed Doe had actually sexually assaulted him that night, presenting a dramatically different account from the allegations Doe has made.

I'd go one step further than this and suggest that it starts way before this.

I see a lot of references on MN to women dressing for the 'male gaze' as though it's something we can choose to be part of or opt in to/out of.

It was a term coined by Laura Mulvey to describe how women are presented in film as passive sexual objects for the viewing pleasure of heterosexual male viewers. Eg you will often see head and shoulder shots of men, whereas similar shots of women will also include her breasts. And sometimes a female character will be in shot and you can only see her breasts - even if clothed; arbitrary female nudity - think of the number of films which feature shower scenes of women when it's completely irrelevant to the story, women walking around naked or in their underwear whilst the man is clothed, covered in bed or not there at all. Films where sexual assault, coercion, rape of women are featured as part of a storyline. For entertainment. It's so embedded in film language that, even when films are made by women, they often still follow the male gaze because its 'just how things are done'.

There are 7 years between my children and so my son was around 12/13 when my daughter was watching Disney films. He was horrified at Sleeping Beauty and commented on rape culture being evident in films aimed at very young children. I think it's the scene by the lake with the song Once Upon Dream where she is obviously trying to get away from the prince but he follows her, grabs her arm, blocks her from walking away. He was right.

The purpose of traditional tales was to teach children how boys and girls should behave and children are fed these messages at very early ages. It's no wonder that men grow up with these ideas about women. Society teaches them that that is what women are for.

We are all indoctrinated into the Foucauldian discourse of women being for men's sexual pleasure whatever form that sexual pleasure takes; women being lesser; women being at the mercy of men.

And it starts long before violent and degrading porn.

Lack of space due to the previous government not bothering to invest in keeping up with demand for prison spaces, along with other public services. Then leaving the current government to pick up the pieces.

Unfortunately the previous government were too busy squandering huge amounts on Brexit after accidentally bumbling out of the single market for no benefit, only detriment.

At work alone,I the last ten years (food retail)

I've been sexually assaulted 11 times

I get at least one sexual comment a shift

I've been slapped/punched/sworn at

Flashed at more times than I can count-they come through the drive thru wanking away (making sure we can see their penises

Went to give a bloke his food,he waved his phone in my face,it was hardcore porn and he asked if 'you'd be up for that?' before driving away and laughing

We call the police and they walk in with an air of 'what a waste of our time'and don't even bother to check the cctv,let alone 'have a word'

In my day to day life,at least once a week,some bloke do or say something

(the last one was me crossing a road on a zebra crossing and he was driving a bus-i got a gob full for daring to cross at that point and within two minutes,another bloke threatened me for not diving out of his way)

I've been raped,put up with assault from my school days onwards ('but boys will be boys!he most likely fancies you!' or my mother and her 'what did you do to set him off?') and even taken crap from workmen in my own home

It's everywhere-its Ingrained in our everyday lives and nothing is done about it

We need attitudes to change and action to be taken

I'm not holding my breath

Totally agree.
Don't think it will ever stop though
sadly.

I hate to say this, but I'm relieved that my child is a boy. He won't have to put up with the shit that my hypothetical girl would have.

I’m absolutely sick of it, Dr Terry’s death is very close to where I live and all I can think about is her poor children.

We are watching a domestic violence situation in our own family. A relative has always been a horrible, abusive, violent man. He gotten away with beating his mother as a teen, a rape of a girlfriend and he is now in his 30s and has been arrested that I know of 5 times for attacking his partner often in front of their kids. He gets arrested, put in a cell for the night and then released. He’s not been charged once. So he just carries on.

We cut contact with him a while ago, so I hear what’s happening through other relatives. But I cannot fathom how someone that violent just walks out of a police station?

There are several horrific stories in the news today as well as this one.

here -

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cr3wvp34v460o

and - https://mol.im/a/16189461

It’s just horrendous. I think we are reaching a point where women are absolutely fed up of men in general now. I am married, married 17 years, but have been sexually assaulted and all sorts during my 46 years (previous relationships, strangers etc). I love my dh and my son (also have an adult dd) but I think the vast majority of men are just missing some sort of empathy and emotional intelligence.