AIBU: people calling it peri-menopause instead of menopause

[Joyful26]

ok firstly I know that technically you are in peri-menopause, then the menopause itself is literally the day your period stops altogether- then after that one moment in time you are post-menopausal.

But people always calling it peri-menopause is clearly to indicate that they are actually still really young and nowhere near the menopause itself yet.

I think that’s why it grates on me so much. Because on the one hand they’re championing the issues that affect women etc, but at the same time making it clear that they themselves are actually very young and youthful- yet not afraid to mention these issues.

for what it’s worth I can’t be bothered faux-impressing anyone and I just call it the menopause.

but every single one of my friends calls it peri-menopause or they’re simply’peri’. We’re all mid 40s.

just saw someone on LinkedIn purporting to do a Women’s rights post, someone in her 50s commented about the menopause, and the original poster replied but talked about peri-menopause.

AIBU or a people who call it peri-menopause just a bit vain? 😅

But why would you talk about the issues after periods end before they have actually ended? Peri denotes which phase of the process.

Vain? Crikey- I’ve heard it all. There’s nothing vain about forgetting where you are whilst driving, having complete word salads in work meetings, feeling like your not there in a room full of people, not having a period for months on end then bleeding like a pig and having to take hormones to stop the bloody thing. It’s hell.

However, rubbing that gel between my thighs every morning and sitting in my kecks for ages freezing my tits off waiting for it to dry has made me feel like a new sodding women!

Call it whatever you want to save time (even tho you sound like a right bloody plonker!) but don’t call it vain- it’s been the most debilitating 18 months and I’ve been ridiculed in that time as I’m ’only 41’ - even thinking I must have a brain tumour to feel this bad.

I heard a useful tip. Menopause is one day long. The day when you have gone exactly 12 months without a period. After that, you are post menopausal. And by the way, its really really important to be clear on where you are at, because if you then get postmenopausal bleeding (even pink discharge or light spotting) this is a red flag, in the medical referral sense, and is fast tracked on urgent referral pathways.

Now just dont get me started on the sloppy language choice of "heavy periods" versus acute abnormal uterine bleeding in perimenopause!
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True, but 'perimenopause' has now recognised the years leading up to it. This phase didn't exist before there was a word for it. I mean, of course it existed, but it was never recognised as different from the preceding phase.

I had my first hot flush on my 50th birthday, hotfooted it to the GP and started HRT. I had entered menopause. The fucker dragged on for 12 years, bringing loads of the symptoms (including BO) that Nobody Told Us About.

But my forties - with the insane libido, emotional meltdowns, spates of anger alternating with insecurity, explosive energy followed by exhaustion - well, that was just me not coping. It was a turbulent decade in every way. I would've liked to know other women were having comparable experiences, to be able to analyse it in light of hormonal changes, and to consider medication other than antidepressants.

Language frames thought - the invention of 'peri' gave us a framework to describe this phase.

Isn't the real term for peri -menopause the Climacteric?

"The change" or "menopause" covered what is now known as "peri-menopause". Given that menopause proper refers to one day, nobody meant that one day when they were talking about this period in a woman's reproductive life.

Well it did exist. You may not have had symptoms or if you did you may not have recognised them or had them recognised but it still existed

From lived experience I can confirm that being in menopause (periods stopped) is a separate phase to being in peri-menopause (hormonal changes in progress). It's not denial it's different.

I don’t know about vain but ‘peri’ is one of the words I find inexplicably annoying! (Tbf I have quite a long list, and IA probably U)

Oh my god you have just solved a big mystery for me!

I have had pretty much every peri symptom going and have recently started HRT which I’m hoping makes a difference.
I’m having about 3 hours sleep a night and one thing that I’ve noticed and keep complaining about is my itchy ears!

I thought it was wearing AirPods but I’d been wearing them for years with no issues and loop earplugs (I just can’t cope with too much noise anymore and my misophonia has ramped up to level 10) but I stopped using them and still had the itching.

It was so bad I stuck eurax anti itch cream in them yesterday despite the instructions saying definitely don’t put it in ears.

My GP said it might be dry skin or allergies and to use antihistamines but it didn’t help. I have an appointment tomorrow (well later today 😔) so I’ll ask if it could be hormone related.
Thank you!

As there are lots of women with experience on this thread can anyone suggest what might be causing vaginal itching?
I self treated for thrush 3 times then had a doctors appointment and was told I didn’t have thrush or BV, I use estriol vaginal estrogen but I’m still so constantly itchy and sometimes have a burning sensation.

I just keep getting told to give it longer. I’ve been using it for 3 months so surely that’s long enough?!

I have found women’s healthcare to be absolutely shocking and saw 4 doctors before being prescribed HRT because I was apparently too young when I first asked at 39.
I stared my period just before my 9th birthday and my mum had gone through menopause by 45 so I thought it was more than likely my symptoms were peri.

I have several fibroids that keep growing and no one seems to want to do anything except prescribe mefenamic acid which I don’t find helpful at all.
I bleed so much I was anaemic and passing out with pain, I’m terrified the HRT is accelerating the growth but I just keep getting fobbed off.
I have been unable to have sex without being in sheer agony for 3 years and over the last year I had to just stop which is awful for my relationship and self confidence.
The pain is like a burning stabbing feeling in my vagina then like an ache internally, I have had so many appointments over 3 years and I just get told it’s anxiety then the estrogen gel was finally prescribed.

I was in too much pain for a proper internal examination and the internal ultrasound had to be stopped because I couldn’t bear it, I was told they couldn’t see my ovaries at all.
I was crying in pain and the nurse was rough and impatient with me, I had a friend come to the appointment for support and she agreed that I was treated very poorly and the scan was just abandoned because apparently I was unable to tolerate it.
I asked several times for her to keep going and said I’d put up with the pain because I wanted answers but she refused.
The fibroids were 3- 7cm 2 years ago and I’ve had no further scans or treatments or even had them acknowledged. I’ve lost 2 stone and am looking very slim everywhere except my lower belly area which is hard and swollen.

I regularly went 2/3 months without a period on HRT but then one would last 3 weeks, even on the HRT my period still hasn’t come for 3 months now.

I don’t know what to do or say anymore but I keep feeling something isn’t right. My mum died young from uterine cancer and my sister has had cancer twice in her 30’s, I thought I’d be taken seriously because of this but so far none of the many many appointments have achieved anything except making me feel like a hypochondriac or a nuisance.

I should have started my own thread but really wasn’t planning on sharing so much.
I’d really appreciate any advice from anyone who might have taken the time to read all this and who might be able to suggest what I do next?
My appointment today is a review of the HRT so it should be a good time to raise any more concerns.

Now that everyone calls the run up to menopause "peri," if you say you're menopausal everyone will think you're through the change. Which is what it used to be called - "the change". I think peri is a useful catch-all to describe the many years leading up to the time when a year has passed without a period. It's become shorthand for "I am having a complete fucking nightmare." My peri has lasted for 9 years so far. I came off the Pill in 2017 and immediately noticed that my periods were only 26 days apart. I'm now in very late peri but have had some spotting every few months, including this month, and my last actual period was in January and was quite heavy. I have had a LOT of pain, mostly weeks of a burning chest, although that's stopped in the past year, and emotional symptoms that felt like my emotions were being stretched thin, and that would also go on for 2-3 weeks before a period too. I had frozen shoulder on both sides for 9 months, and it was extremely painful. All told, it's been far, far worse than puberty or my reproductive years.

I don't know why I wrote all that. Guess I'm triggered! Nine. Years. And I've sunk more ibuprofen in that time than in all the other years of my life put together.

For anyone with the severe, long-lasting breast pain, you must get diclofenac cream, 2.32 percent. Brand name Voltarol or Voltaren, from Boots. It saved my life.

But what you are saying is totally inaccurate. And perpetuates the woeful lack of understanding around what women actually experience - sometimes for years.

Who are you trying to save time for? Men?

It's got nothing to do with being youthful or old. I know people in their mid-40s who are menopausal in not having had periods for a few years. I'm in my almost mid-50s and still regular every single month. I haven't skipped even one. So am I younger and more youthful than them? I don't think so.

It just denotes a phase. I am perimenopausal and I won't call myself menopausal given how regular I am. Apparently I won't be going through it for a few years yet, so says my gynecologist. So if I'm not peri-menopausal, I must be just a regular menstruating woman - which does sound like trying to deny the phase of life I'm in.

I'm a middle-aged perimenopausal woman going through it all a bit later than most. I can't wait to be actually menopausal!

They should be taking you seriously. It's shocking they aren't. Please drive home your family history and see another doctor if they don't listen.

The itching and other symptoms could be atrophy/GSM. Topical estrogen cream can help a lot.

I've decided to stop being vain and quit having periods now that I'm 53, however my body just won't listen to me and get with the program. On the plus side, my last period, which is just ending, was five days early. I have hope that this signals that it will actually end one day.

Thank you for being open about this. It’s where I am and have been wondering if I should try HRT.

OP, this is difficult and unpleasant. Of course it’s hard to talk about. I think that’s why you feel as you do about the terms.

Based on your slightly irrational post, I hereby declare you, peri-menopausal! Congrats!

So using the name of a medical condition, actual stage of life is vanity?

I would love to see your medical degree

I understand a bit where you are coming from , everything is ‘peri’ now, I forgot a woman’s name recently and immediately my sister was ‘perimenopausal brain fog’ but no I just forgot her name! It’s not the answer to every issue for 20 years, I’m sick of the word too but it’s a necessity word and it’s so great we are able to talk about it now.

Maybe eventually there will be many words for the many different stages of it, and we will continue to learn and talk about it all openly.

It used to be called “the change”… and women just had to deal with it.

Thankfully science and understanding have moved on since the last century. (Well, maybe there’s a bit more understanding to go judging by this post).

Love, someone who is not sleeping due to (peri-) menopause x

After dealing with it with out a clue that’s what it was, then attempting hrt, then having breast cancer, then taking a drug that puts you into a medical peri or medical menopause depending on who you are, it’s important to be clear.

because a great deal can be done lifestyle wise without hrt. That’s how I’m managing the perma peri/ menopausal symptoms. But it’s different depending on what stage you’re at.

Many of those who are peri and on hrt aren’t really managing any better than me from what I see and hear. Because your natural hormones are still fluctuating. I never quite got hrt right due ti that.

And in the words of an nhs menopause consultant I saw, women in their 40s think they can drink but they can’t.

Itchy skin: eat lots of oily fish/ take omega 3 and eat 2 tbs of ground flax daily in yogurt.get enough protein for how you exercise.

get lots of zinc and vit c (or take in a multi)

the flax is particularly evidence based for dry skin/ eyes. Also breast protective

And eat lots of nuts avocado eggs

My first thought reading this thread was the OP was a man without any idea what the terms perimenopause and menopause actually mean. If she's a woman, she still has no idea about the difference between both.

Perimenopause is the transitional time - often counted in years, when women hormones, estrogen and progesteron, fluctuate and eggs are still released ad hoc (sometimes none at all, sometimes yes)

Menopause is diagonosed, usually after a year of no menses, when the ovaries stop releasing eggs and estrogen and progesterone almost dissapear.

I was on the pill for 20 years without perimenopause symtoms. I knew something was up when I got the dreaded hot flushes at 51, and a blood test confirmed I was in menopause. I was lucky I could control it by standing up naked in front of the air con even in winter, and DH and I sleeping on separate beds. Many of my friends were not so lucky, severe mood changes, physical changes, brain fog....

Women get seriously affected when the primary hormones controlling our sex biology slowly dissapear. It affects not only reproduction but our mental and physical health, and the reason I can't believe the OP is a woman.

I'm really struggling to understand your problem @Joyful26 with people - probably mostly women - using the correct term for a period of time when their periods can be very erratic, mine were usually really gushing, with lots of clots as well, or sometimes they were not much more than a dark stain on my pants or pads, and nothing else. I was extremely lucky as I didn't get things like hot night flushes, where some poor women would get soaked through at night with sweat.

If we had somehow been talking to each other about menopausal symptoms OP, and you put yours down to the menopause, I would have probably reacted by saying something like, "oh you are so lucky to have got to that point, and to not have to have any more periods!" So you would have been the one who was being false about your periods etc! Why do you want to give a false impression about your peri-menopausal state OP, are you embarrased about the whole biological process, or do you think that people, like me - who went through the actual menopause when I was 55 (late 60's now) - who have already gone through the whole thing, are now somehow superior beings?

I do hope that you realise how silly that would be, just like your complaint in your OP Joyful, that people are using a whole extra 4 letters in their personal descriptions..... because they are vain? ☺️