AIBU: people calling it peri-menopause instead of menopause

[Joyful26]

ok firstly I know that technically you are in peri-menopause, then the menopause itself is literally the day your period stops altogether- then after that one moment in time you are post-menopausal.

But people always calling it peri-menopause is clearly to indicate that they are actually still really young and nowhere near the menopause itself yet.

I think that’s why it grates on me so much. Because on the one hand they’re championing the issues that affect women etc, but at the same time making it clear that they themselves are actually very young and youthful- yet not afraid to mention these issues.

for what it’s worth I can’t be bothered faux-impressing anyone and I just call it the menopause.

but every single one of my friends calls it peri-menopause or they’re simply’peri’. We’re all mid 40s.

just saw someone on LinkedIn purporting to do a Women’s rights post, someone in her 50s commented about the menopause, and the original poster replied but talked about peri-menopause.

AIBU or a people who call it peri-menopause just a bit vain? 😅

Maybe you could Google it?

I mean, its pretty self explanatory surely?

Adequate access to sanitary products and rest rooms/breaks (unexpected period flooding which can happen even when you havent had a period for months)
Reasonable adjustments to working schedule (sleep disruption/brain fog/fatigue)
Temperature control in the workplace- access to fans etc (hot flushes) etc etc

You dont have to be a doctor to see how these obvious symptoms might affect your work surely? 🙄

I find it really annoying when people do 😂 or 😅 emojis after writing something as if to indicate what they've said was funny, and by virtue ironically disproving that they are witty.

But I don't start a Mumsnet thread about it.

Yes! All of that. I have had these but then it’s intermittent and so I wondered if it was something else, stress?

I was getting flushes but they’ve stopped. I was super stressed at the time and started watching my heart rate and it corresponded.

Definitely don’t have the memory I once did - not so much fog, just not like before but have been working on simplifying my life and trying to mindful which that has seemed to help
me at least stop losing things.

Aches sometimes also, for the first time in my life.

I’ve also lost muscle mass and strength. Started strength training. Very hard sometimes but it’s helping so much. Working on my diet as a result - more protein seems to help.

It’s all such an indignity.

I ❤️ the positioning of your post.

I think so many women find this topic uncomfortable and the OP is just one of them. Irritation with the language is just a symptom of the discomfort.

Just a little giggle.

I hope these menopause action plans don’t involve women having to tell their male managers “it’s time to implement my menopause action plan”

They did send a rather ignorant and uncomfortable email at my workplace about it to all of the managers a few years back.

I am not keen on talking to anyone at work about my body or theirs and what it’s doing. I am sure I am not alone.

Why on earth would anyone be forcing you to talk about your body when you dont want to? I highly doubt any manager requires intimate details about how many blood clots you passed this morning.

This is a medical issue affecting women. Its really no different to a woman having to get a sick note or talk to her manager about needing time off for heavy periods or time off for fibroids being removed or endometriosis, or a miscarriage or any number of gynaecological issues.

When I was younger I had a male manager and sometimes had to take time off because I had ridiculously heavy periods that made me anaemic and I passed out a couple of times. I didnt exactly relish the idea of talking to him about it but we are all grown ups so I did. I didnt need to go into any detail about it

I find the whole thing annoying tbh. Makes it sound like women from 35-55 are all completely unstable and sick and crazy all the time. Before that were crazy and sick and unstable because of our periods. Feels like everything being emphasised to the world is that women can’t be trusted to be well and stable and healthy until they’re over 50.

No, but they have opened up a whole area of conversation which was previously unspoken as "womens issues". It's meant I've been able to tell my male manager I'm currently really struggling with peri symptoms and I'm seeking medical support for it. I know he's been on manager training (because we were both on it) specifically regarding peri menopause and I know he knows company policy on it.

Overall, I think they're a really good idea and stops women suffering in silence.

And yes, our menopause plan does have named "menopause champions" you can talk with instead of your male manager, but they then and go an talk to your manager about any reasonable adjustments so it's bit pointless not to tell them yourself.

I was completely unstable and crazy until I went on HRT.

So sexist attitudes that paint us as unstable, unreliable etc are all true and righteous? Because that’s the messaging.

I am fortunate in that I have never in my life needed to say more than “Not feeling well.” I also would never ask and expect nothing more of my own reports. If they want to say more, they do. Never had anyone mention periods.

Cheers. Exactly.

This feels like a massive overreach and a way to single women out.

A better plan would be to have “Health champions” within HR who handle ALL need for health accommodations.

What the manager should be told is simply “For private health reasons Anne needs X accommodations.”

The actual reason is absolutely no one’s business. Given privacy laws, I don’t see why having a “champion” outside of HR is even legal.

But workplaces do have a legal responsibility to keep accurate sickness absence records and, where appropriate, understand whether there is an underlying health issue that may require support or reasonable adjustments.

Simply saying “not feeling well” might be sufficient for an occasional day off, but it isn't necessarily sufficient in every circumstance, particularly where absences are recurring or a health condition is affecting someone's ability to work.

Literally Nobody is suggesting that women should have to discuss intimate details of their bodies with their managers.

There is a perfectly reasonable distinction between disclosing every detail of your symptoms and explaining that you have a health condition that is affecting you at work and may require some support.

Menopause action plans are intended to facilitate those conversations, not force women to divulge personal medical information. The whole point is to make it easier for women to ask for adjustments if they need them, without feeling embarrassed or having to justify themselves in excessive detail.

You are perfectly entitled to keep your medical information private, but I don't think that means workplace menopause policies are inherently intrusive or inappropriate. They should be about giving women options and support, not compelling them to discuss their bodies or having to lie that they "dont feel well" repeatedly when actually something is impacting them far more than they feel comfortable saying because their manager is clearly uncomfortable with the conversation!

I think it’s a wonderful way to facilitate age discrimination.

Its the complete opposite actually but perhaps your work policies are shit

Your friends in their mid-40s likely are in peri though.
I'm 49 and still get regular monthly periods. It would be inaccurate to describe me as menopausal. I don't get hot flushes, insomnia etc. But brain fog, anxiety and reduced libido - yup. So I'd describe myself as being in peri. When my periods do stop (or at least stop being so regular) then I'd expect to describe myself as going through menopause. And then when haven't had one for a year will be post-menopausal.

Yes, you see, I could feel that your allegedly "sisterly" question was barbed. And here we are .......

There are no special laws that relate to HR though and it's the managers job to manage their team, not HRs.

It’s not that the policies are “shit” but that there is a real world that exists out of policies and HR.

Regardless of your feelings about my interpretation, I am no longer interested in engaging. Are you able to accept that and move on?

I tend to just say menopause but it's mostly because I haven't had a period in over 10 years because I am on the progesterone only pill. I have no idea whether if I stopped the pill I would be out the other side or not (that is what I am hoping). I think they will take me off it next year when I am 55 and we will see.

If I still had periods, I would say I was in peri menopause because that would be the correct terminology.

Interesting to see one poster say that it's just hot flushes and anger. I have lots of other symptoms (or at least I did before starting HRT which has resolved some of them) but no hot flushes or anger. I guess we are all different!

Yes, exactly my point!! and plenty of us in this thread are saying we think it's a good idea. I cannot imagine getting so angry about a policy that other women have literally stated they found helped them.

If you dont like the policy then dont bloody use it but its beyond selfish and spiteful to suggest the policy shouldnt exist. Good for you that you've been lucky enough to only have a few days of vague "feeling unwell" but you dont represent those of us who have had more serious side effects.