AIBU to complain about Heathrow special assistance for non-visible disabilities?

[cloudsky567]

Last week I travelled from Heathrow on a long haul flight. I booked special assistance through BA because I have non-visible disabilities. I am ND (confirmed diagnosis I only received a few years ago, not self diagnosed) and as a result I get overwhelmed with anxiety in crowded places and have a hearing impairment which I use a hearing aid for. For context, I travel a couple of times a year on short flights within Europe and have never booked assistance through an airline as I always thought it was only available to people who have wheelchair or mobility needs. It only recently came to my attention that I could potentially request assistance to make the airport experience easier as I usually just suck it up, I sometimes book fast track security and try to accept it’s part of the travel experience but I do struggle. I hate air travel and sometimes even opt for the Eurostar.

This however was my first time flying long haul to US and I didn’t know what to expect in terms of security as I’ve never flown from Heathrow so I decided to book assistance on this occasion.

When I presented myself to the assistance desk, I was initially ignored for quite a while and staff at the desk dealt with people who arrived after me even though I was politely waiting first. Eventually a member of the staff at the desk grumpily acknowledged me and asked where was my boarding pass, I tried to show it to her on my phone but she aggressively replied with ‘I can’t do anything without your boarding pass so you’ll need to get that’ and I asked her where I was supposed to get it from to which she then dismissively waved her arm towards the large check in queue to my left where a bunch of people were waiting and said ‘you’ll have to get it from there’. I was a bit confused as I only had hand luggage so I didn’t want to queue up for ages and couldn’t queue jump in front of everyone else. I hadn't realised I was supposed to print off the pass and ended up finding a self service kiosk rather than having this simply explained to me.

When I returned after getting my pass a different member of staff dealt with me and asked if I needed a wheelchair and I said no. Tbf she was more supportive and gave me a sunflower lanyard and then booked for someone to take me down to security and told me to wait there.

Things then got worse. Whilst I was waiting a different member of staff then approached me to ask if I needed a wheelchair and when I said no I didn’t she asked why I was there. I explained again that I have non-visible disabilities and I'd booked assistance and was waiting for it. She looked at me incredulously and said ‘well if you don’t need a wheelchair you don’t need someone to go down with you to security surely- its just over there’. I tried to explain that I struggle with crowds and queues and said that it had clearly stated that they support non visible disabilities and the sunflower lanyard scheme so what was the problem.

When I had checked in online at home I’d had a message saying that I may need to have my documents checked before going through security so I asked about this and she started laughing and asked if I had a valid ESTA and then when I confirmed I did she then burst out laughing and asked me ‘Oh dear is this your first time travelling?’ in a really patronising tone. I said to her that no it’s not but I haven’t flown long haul and she doubled up pissing herself laughing. The other colleague who had booked the assistance for me could see I was getting a bit annoyed and upset and came over and defended me in fairness to this staff member who said to her ‘oh she doesn’t need someone to go down with her, what’s wrong with her’ and the colleague pushed back and said I had non visible disability but by that point I was so uncomfortable that I just asked them to cancel the assistance entirely and walked off and said I’d manage. I found the whole thing incredibly humiliating and demeaning and felt I was being laughed at just because I wasn’t in a wheelchair.

I was upset after the interaction and wondering whether I'm being sensitive or whether I should complain. I do get that there are people who ‘swing the lead’ and pretend to need assistance or wheelchairs when they don’t to skip lines etc, but Im not one of them and do think people with non-visible disabilities should be treated with dignity and not made to justify themselves or feel as though they're somehow faking it. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with being ND and I was often mocked and dismissed when I was younger for things I now realise were as a result of that.

AIBU to wonder if you would complain about this, or would you put it down to a bad experience and move on?

So sorry to hear this happened to you. It’s not ok and you should definitely complain.

There are different levels of assistance. So if you are not in a wheelchair then they usually point you in the direction of the fast-track security queue but wouldn’t necessarily accompany you there if you are able to walk. Perhaps this is where the confusion arose (as well as not having printed a boarding pass). However it is absolutely no excuse for that woman to be so horrible and rude to you and I would absolutely be complaining. Unless people complain then they won’t improve their service.

Heathrow staff were awful when we didn’t realise we’d need a £1 for a trolley. Arrived after a long haul flight with 2 20 month old babies, a 3 year old, suitcases for a 3 week holiday in snowy Canada and 3 car seats to be met with zero help. I was fine with paying but didn’t have any coins. In the airport in Calgary, staff saw us - me with a baby on my front and back, holding dd1’s hand and dh grappling cases and car seats and they came over with a golf buggy offering help. Bit of a contrast in Heathrow.

I love flying from Bristol, so much nicer.

I have to stand up for the assistance staff here. We have been using it for a number of years now and have encountered nothing but politeness, care and often a bit of humorous banter aswell! I don't use London or other big airports in UK though, if that makes a difference. We travel to Spain and Italy and the same applies on both sides - departure and arrival.

DH is the user, and whether it makes a difference or not I don't know, but he always gives the assistant a fiver and a big thank you. It is really appreciated by the looks on some of their faces! It's not mandatory or expected but I think it's a nice gesture.

These assistants must be very fit, over and back, over and back all day ferrying those in need to their gate. We are so very grateful for their help.

I'm saying this just to balance things out a bit.

I haven't read the entire thread. My son has quite severe autism ad we never get assistance before security. Put the land yard on and go through security as normal. Then if someone tries to split us up I explain why we can't. Assistance i find only helps if it jumps a massive queue for him. Otherwise it just adds another layer of stress. Sometimes we board first but even that is more stressful than boarding last.

It did help with the biometric scanning. Even I lost my shit a tad with my son when he could do it, refused my help and we was being told "one at a time" I just said he is disabled and walked off to calm down while they did it for him. Sometimes he just gets in the wheelchair as I get a bit sick of repeating myself.

So in summary its not always helpful. Sometimes when its manic its invaluable. Like coming back from Spain the boarding was too fast. We just jumped in as everyone was getting angry and then he gets in a flap. But its inconsistent. We could break the queue to jump to front to board, but then had to cram him into a packed bus whilst super stressed with people pushing. If he got in the wheelchair he wouldn't have be pushed about by other rushing passengers. I agree that's mad when he can walk.

I found Manchester airport okay in a similar situation but in general find that in Europe and even more so in the US they offer better services.
In the US one look at the sunflower lanyard and they are right there with a quicker, quieter, easier option for you.

LHR is the only place where my DC at age 12 was interrogated and nearly refused boarding due to his stoma supplies, which included a very small medical scissors, within plane security rules. Three security staff got involved and were incredibly rude. And that was with a sunflower lanyard.
Complain, LHR shouldn't offer a service if they can't deliver it.

Some uk staff refuse tips.

most foreign airport assistance people are happy to take them.

We book assistance when flying for ND dd but don't actually go to the desk - just so it's logged on the system. But we do use the disabled check in/security/immigration desks wherever available (which we can because her assistance is logged on the system). We can guide her through the airport but we do need staff to be aware of her needs. And if anyone questions we just say we've booked assistance and they can check.

Heathrow definitely have a separate disablity security line and separate line at immigration. It sounds like that is more what you need than an escort?

We have travelled several times recently with a family member in a wheelchair, and in all 6 airports it was pretty awful - long waits for an available member of staff worrying we'd miss the flight, no step-free access to the plane (so we had to go through the labyrinth, just to go back again!), no option to stop to get food/drink/duty free, no toilet stops... If they didn't need step free access we wouldn't bother using again and just push the wheelchair ourselves but in several airports the step-free route is in areas not generally open to the public.

Oh, come on. I’m really sorry and not trying to be rude, but there wouldn’t be sufficient airport workers to help with every neurodivergent traveller.
It’s primarily for those with mobility difficulties and rightly so.

I think you need to book in advance via the airline.

This gives me rage. I haven’t even seen a pound coin in the wild for 5 years!

That's the problem, isn't it and OP was able to walk away, get herself to the boarding gate alone. Surely that shows she did not really need someone to escort her to the airplane.

OP, I agree that if your difficulties impact you this much then you should travel with someone else in future.

Oh well, guess I don’t look ‘disabled’ enough then 😬🤣
It’s not that I necessarily needed someone to ‘escort’ me to the plane, or provide the full assistance that would be given to someone with mobility issues.

For future reference , just book wheelchair assistance & it will cover your invisible disabilities.

You need to be very clear about your needs.

You should of course be treated with kindness and respect as all passengers should but I suspect all the sunflower lanyard would have got you was some more patience
At the end of the day you managed so now you know that if you can't get assistance you can still travel which is good.
I am very surprised any staff member was doubled over pissing themselves laughing at something so uneventful and unfunny. If this is true its unacceptable

Thanks for the tip. I have no problem with self advocacy, and this would be very good advice if I had had the opportunity to actually say what my needs were, except I didn’t. I tried to explain to staff several times what I needed but it seemed to be more important whether or not I needed a wheelchair.

It was a few years ago but even then I didn’t carry cash and only had Canadian notes at the time. Add to that the airline put the heat up to help everyone sleep and I fainted mid flight and had to be put on oxygen because my blood pressure dropped, I wasn’t feeling great and help would have been much appreciated. Dh was amazing but is only one person. A lovely Canadian guy came and helped us.

Thank you. I agree it doesn’t sound plausible but it definitely happened. When I asked if I needed document checks before going through security she asked where I was travelling to and when I said US she started laughing and then asked if it was my first time travelling. I said no but I’d not flown long haul before and she was like omg you don’t need any checks if you’ve not got a visa, and was doubled over laughing her head off and asked if I wasn’t used to travelling. It was so condescending. Even though I clearly wasn’t laughing in response.

You do not have to justify your disability.
My H has special assistance, his disability is invisible, he can walk ( slowly & not far) so I get special assistance.
We once got wheeled by a horrific queue of passengers waiting for passport control , & there were people who were clearly narked & making loud sceptical remarks as he looks OK, & could get up the plane steps etc.
But they dont know if he is epileptic, or has Crones, or cancer, or MS, or anything else.
I have had to say, “do you want to see his medical history? His pill box? His scars? what kind if proof do you need to prove he is disabled ? Would you like to be disabled & be wheeled through the airport?. “

You should have said, “I am taking your name, & that shaming you publicly because of your handicap is an offense”
Offer to use a wheelchair if they are too stupid to understand
.

The attitude you describe is obviously unacceptable and needs to be addressed by the employer. Separately, I don't really relate or empathise with your desire to use that service, if I'm honest. If everyone starts demanding this because the support is (for some reason) offered to people with your needs/preferences, then they will need to employ a hell of a lot more staff.

Use headphones / noise cancelling earphones like others in your situation. You can listen to music or white noise. Plenty of options nowadays to help people navigate crowds. Seems you managed on your own in the end too, so it just doesn't seem like there's any room for empathy with you here.

Personally, I think given the finite resources, assistance really should just be for people with physical barriers. Everyone else has access to things / devices that can support them.

Op. I am fence sitting on this so much, I have splinters in my bum.

I am neurodiverse and am very short sighted in a way glasses cant come close to correcting. I was really anxious about solo flying earlier this year, so I arrived at the airport 4.5 hours early, which was ridiculous. I got through security, raced through the perfume smells and found a quiet area with natural.light and parked myself there with an audio book to listen too and plonked my bag on the next seat along so no one could sit there. It was fine and you know what I felt so proud of myself. I will carry that condidence into other parts of life

My mum cant travel without assistance, and she needs the wheelchair. She is also very vulnerable. Her needs are so much more than mine and resources are limited. In the area of disability, we keep on seeing resources stretched as more people are diagnosed with ASD/ADHD and the population is aging. This keeps on leading to services being gatekept more and harder to access.

They shouldnt be rude to you and you are not unrrasonable to complain. But, disability services are a limited resource and being independent often feels so much better.

The lanyard gets you pulled out of the normal lines sometimes. When the queues are small they dont as its not going to make much difference. That's Gatwick. If you want the service to gate you need to book it. We normally just sit in the assistance lounge then make our own way to the gate. The problem with getting assistance to the gate is that you go just past check in desk and basically sit in a area you can't escape from sometimes as you past the check in desk, but can go to the aircraft. That's a nightmare for my son as he has every diagnosis going including ADHD. He is better pacing around. But he can't cope with queues, so we board last. But neither can he rush. So we just take lots of deep breaths, go last and show his blue badge if we need to avoid a queue. Its not set up well for hidden disabilities. Unlucky for us, its pretty obvious ds is disabled as soon as he opens his mouth so we dont get any push back.

Spain is much better at this thing. They are always faultless with him.

It's ok saying "well he can walk" but its hard to imagine the stress for all of us and repeatedly saying he doesn't understand. Someone barking at him to take his shoes off etc brings out a lifetime of rage and wanting to snap "he doesn't fucking understand you!" I dont because I say" he is disabled" and they stop immediately. At Gatwick.

I also get the rage explaining his entire NHS history. Why should I have to? "He is disabled he has Autism he doesn't understand" covers it.

Someone once said while we waited on the plane "he look ok to me" well you can't see autism or learning disabilities