AIBU to complain about Heathrow special assistance for non-visible disabilities?

[cloudsky567]

Last week I travelled from Heathrow on a long haul flight. I booked special assistance through BA because I have non-visible disabilities. I am ND (confirmed diagnosis I only received a few years ago, not self diagnosed) and as a result I get overwhelmed with anxiety in crowded places and have a hearing impairment which I use a hearing aid for. For context, I travel a couple of times a year on short flights within Europe and have never booked assistance through an airline as I always thought it was only available to people who have wheelchair or mobility needs. It only recently came to my attention that I could potentially request assistance to make the airport experience easier as I usually just suck it up, I sometimes book fast track security and try to accept it’s part of the travel experience but I do struggle. I hate air travel and sometimes even opt for the Eurostar.

This however was my first time flying long haul to US and I didn’t know what to expect in terms of security as I’ve never flown from Heathrow so I decided to book assistance on this occasion.

When I presented myself to the assistance desk, I was initially ignored for quite a while and staff at the desk dealt with people who arrived after me even though I was politely waiting first. Eventually a member of the staff at the desk grumpily acknowledged me and asked where was my boarding pass, I tried to show it to her on my phone but she aggressively replied with ‘I can’t do anything without your boarding pass so you’ll need to get that’ and I asked her where I was supposed to get it from to which she then dismissively waved her arm towards the large check in queue to my left where a bunch of people were waiting and said ‘you’ll have to get it from there’. I was a bit confused as I only had hand luggage so I didn’t want to queue up for ages and couldn’t queue jump in front of everyone else. I hadn't realised I was supposed to print off the pass and ended up finding a self service kiosk rather than having this simply explained to me.

When I returned after getting my pass a different member of staff dealt with me and asked if I needed a wheelchair and I said no. Tbf she was more supportive and gave me a sunflower lanyard and then booked for someone to take me down to security and told me to wait there.

Things then got worse. Whilst I was waiting a different member of staff then approached me to ask if I needed a wheelchair and when I said no I didn’t she asked why I was there. I explained again that I have non-visible disabilities and I'd booked assistance and was waiting for it. She looked at me incredulously and said ‘well if you don’t need a wheelchair you don’t need someone to go down with you to security surely- its just over there’. I tried to explain that I struggle with crowds and queues and said that it had clearly stated that they support non visible disabilities and the sunflower lanyard scheme so what was the problem.

When I had checked in online at home I’d had a message saying that I may need to have my documents checked before going through security so I asked about this and she started laughing and asked if I had a valid ESTA and then when I confirmed I did she then burst out laughing and asked me ‘Oh dear is this your first time travelling?’ in a really patronising tone. I said to her that no it’s not but I haven’t flown long haul and she doubled up pissing herself laughing. The other colleague who had booked the assistance for me could see I was getting a bit annoyed and upset and came over and defended me in fairness to this staff member who said to her ‘oh she doesn’t need someone to go down with her, what’s wrong with her’ and the colleague pushed back and said I had non visible disability but by that point I was so uncomfortable that I just asked them to cancel the assistance entirely and walked off and said I’d manage. I found the whole thing incredibly humiliating and demeaning and felt I was being laughed at just because I wasn’t in a wheelchair.

I was upset after the interaction and wondering whether I'm being sensitive or whether I should complain. I do get that there are people who ‘swing the lead’ and pretend to need assistance or wheelchairs when they don’t to skip lines etc, but Im not one of them and do think people with non-visible disabilities should be treated with dignity and not made to justify themselves or feel as though they're somehow faking it. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with being ND and I was often mocked and dismissed when I was younger for things I now realise were as a result of that.

AIBU to wonder if you would complain about this, or would you put it down to a bad experience and move on?

Yes this response sums up what I was expecting as the first response unhelpfully asked. 🙄😂
In terms of other replies asking me what assistance I was hoping for and whether I expected them to be mind readers - I didn’t expect that but I wasnt even asked what I needed or what specifically I struggle with, I didn’t get the chance. Had I been asked rather than laughed at and asked why I was there repeatedly and the statement ‘why are you here, you don’t need anything’. I would have explained more. It’s things like big queues and crowded spaces in airports I struggle the most with.
As it turns out LHR security was quite slick and there was no wait in the line but I wasn’t to know this as when I travel from smaller airports the lines are usually very long and snaking right back and the gate is always crowded and overstimulating. Maybe if this had been explained that there isn’t much of a wait at security so do I still feel the need for someone with me I would have probably been happy with this and said fair enough I can probably manage that and gone on my way. It was the manner in which I was treated to start with I take issue with.

I am not ND and have no experience of travelling with anyone with ND. I don’t know exactly what adaptations would be helpful. But for goodness sake, it sounds like the OP was ignored and belittled. That is not decent behaviour towards anybody, least of all from
professional staff, and especially if somebody has highlighted a disability.

If you have the energy OP, complain. It sounds like they treated you appallingly. Polite and clear communication costs nothing.

How can anyone defend this?? I am lucky not to need any help in airports, though I still can find it a little bit confusing on occasion. And I can imagine somebody with ND flying to the US for the first time could find it very difficult. People need to have more compassion.

They were extremely rude laughing at you and so on and you should definitely complain about that. Also in a constructive way tell them what you would have liked / what would help. Perhaps their booking system needs to be more specific about what you will need help with.

Tbh, she’d have probably got that from Heathrow staff WITHOUT requesting the assistance.

@cloudsky567 I actually assumed that when someone requests assistance that it would be standard to actually say what assistance is required.
It seems that isn't the case and I apologise if my words seem harsh or rude.
I haven't been on a plane since 1999 so I know little about how airports work these days.
It seems very odd that people aren't asked in advance what help is required.

I use assistance for my daughter. We don’t go to the desk, we find our own way to the plane but they let me pick a seat in advance for me and her (her by the window so away from
other people and me next to her) and they put fast track on our boarding passes so we can get on first.
as a ND family I don’t think having someone walk with us through to the departure gate would be helpful so we have never asked for that. I like the PP suggestion above of using the wheelchair even though you don’t need it as a symbol that you require space.

I think you should definitely give your feedback on the woeful service - they need to learn.

However, I wouldn't use the "she doubled up pissing herself laughing" line, as it just sounds .... questionable.

My experience at a non-london regional airport for a flight to a city in southern Europe, for a family with various non-visible disabilities, was that the person at the assistance reception very kind and attentive, we were shepherded through check-in, through security and all the way to a dedicated departures lounge (with sensory room) via a route that skipped the horrible maze of toblerone whisky and perfume, by one person who ensured we just went to the front of each queue. It was lovely. What was not so good was that there was zero assistance at the other end and one child had a total melt down with the overwhelm of trying to get through passport control at the other end. I don't think you were unreasonable to expect more than you got @cloudsky567 but I wonder if the kindness we received was due to having kids with additional needs with us, and your more negative experience was down to the fact that you were solo?

Getting anxious in long queues at crowded airports is fairly neurotypical I would have thought.

But they were awful to laugh at you and not even entertain your request for help. You should definitely complain about that.

No the staff aren't mind readers, but it sounds like they didn't even give the OP a chance to articulate her needs before they started acting like bellends towards her.
OP, if you have the capacity you should definitely complain. Everybody should be treated with dignity and respect, especially when they are more vulnerable.

We were denied access to their lounge because my son didn't have visible disability. I literally needed to heat a portable flask for his food and was laughed at.
Not surprised though, some of them believe you should use their service only with broken spin while in the wheelchair.

Unfortunately it isn’t.

the usual procedure is that you tell the airline and they pass it on to the airport.

however airlines vary - some have online options for booking assistance, some you have to phone them after booking, and Swiss Air have a three page form in German you are supposed to fill in and post to their office in Zurich a week before the flight.

i don’t fly Swiss Air anymore. Fuckers.

bastard at Zurich actually tried to tell me off about it for the return flight as well so I was not impressed.

so yeah, I usually double check that the assistance booking has actually made it from the airline to the airport because it doesn’t always.

cabin crew are then supposed to check with the receiving airport that they know assistance is needed but again this fails surprisingly often and you just have to sit on the plane while the cabin crew make increasingly pissed off phone calls to operations because they don’t want to miss their return slot.

i (or rather my assistance not turning up) have personally delayed at least three planes.

I had horrendous treatment at LHR earlier this year. We were flying business class and it started to go downhill at check-in where the BA woman didn't have a clue with regards to processing my mobility scooter and it took far longer than it should have. I'd booked everything well in advance including assistance right up to the door of the aircraft.

She then persuaded us not to be accompanied to the business class lounge as I had booked in advance (this was a big mistake I wouldn't make again) and the security people treated me appallingly - rude and demanding I stand up to be scanned (I am ambulatory but have to limit how much I walk because of a heart complaint - I use a scooter for a very good reason).

Then the staff at the BA business class lounge were rude and unhelpful.

Once we were on the plane it was fine, but not an experience I'm going to repeat in a hurry. The stress made me quite unwell and spoiled the start of a longed-for holiday.

I should have complained but didn't.

Unfortunately I have learned you sometimes have to be assertive to the point of rude to get the assistance they're legally obliged to provide. But that's even tougher for someone ND, you have my sympathy OP.

@cloudsky567 yes, do complain.
These staff members didn’t even reach the level of common courtesy, let alone service. Of course you deserve respect. Heathrow need the feedback to give them the chance to learn, and so the next person doesn’t experience similar.

Unfortunately there is a huge shortage of assistance people at all airports and they struggle with getting people with mobility issues to the planes and don’t have 30 seconds to fart let alone work out exactly what a customer needs when they don’t know themselves 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

respectfully op if you struggle that much you need to pay for someone to go with you and support you - a friend who doubles up as a carer? I have to go with my adult children when they are travelling anywhere if they haven’t got anyone else to go with them as they don’t cope with the whole travelling/airports etc thing on their own and it’s not assistances responsibility to manage everything they need. I myself have mobility issues and have to use assistance on planes trains etc and see how much they struggle as there’s so few of them - it’s a shit job with shit pay and they walk miles every day back and forwards between the gates and on the whole manage amazingly and a lot of us wouldn’t manage at all without them and I’m sorry but you need to write a list of things you want them to help you with that are reasonable and manageable and go to the assistance desk with that once you have checked yourself into your flight and printed your tickets out and if you can’t do that you can’t fly alone

@Octavia64 it does sound a terrible system 🙁

I have a teenager with non-visible disability. Assistance includes being accompanied to security, security staff being aware of the disability and making reasonable adjustments which for my daughter includes non-contact searching/scanning. Support to find the gate and/or a quiet waiting area. They’re hardly unusual or excessive needs for someone who struggles to navigate an airport, which can be a very overwhelming environment.

I’ve never had a problem with assistance at airports, if someone laughed at my child and her needs I’d hit the roof - dignity and respect isn’t much to ask.

Yes it can be usual to feel anxious, if the queue is long and your worried about your flight.

What isn’t neurotypical is being completely overwhelmed by the lights, noise and smells of an airport, to the point where your brain shuts down, you freeze and can’t function. Or to be so sensitive to touch that someone bumping and brushing against you constantly in the queue makes you panic and meltdown.

It would be lovely to breeze through an airport with a bit of an anxious feeling.

Special assistance is there because it’s needed, and is offered, and should be provided with care and respect.

I am also autistic and struggle with getting overwhelmed in airports. I also know that even people with mobility problems struggle to have their needs met by airport assistance. There are reports of constant delays and negative attitudes from staff.

I’m not surprised the staff were not sure how to help. You might have a better experience if you state clearly what assistance you need.

I had a better experience on a complicated phone call recently when I told the person I was autistic, that I was getting flustered, and that I needed us to slow down because I really wished this all could have been in writing. In this circumstance a phone call was the only option. It was a lot of detail for a complicated process I had to take down very exactly and the stakes were high. It was about me getting access to a specialty prescription and there were many moving parts. Once I said that, he actually slowed down and made sure I was getting everything and let me ask questions. Not everyone responds as well, but some people will.

I’m not kidding when I said there are probably so many ND people now that offering special assistance wouldn’t be remotely workable

Also for something like the airport, I would consider that accessibility services may actually complicate things. It’s an extra step of bureaucracy that you have to navigate. You may be better off focusing on ways to mitigate the situation yourself. Get some loop earplugs or something similar. Sip water while in line or suck on a sweet. Print out copies of all your papers and contact information and have them in one travel folder. Look up an airport map in advance. It’s extra work to prepare, but it can make the actual day less stressful.

Someone to help her through the process and not laugh in her face?

I understand what you're saying. I think it would be helpful for the OP to be able to articulate, in future, why she requires assistance. If she said 'I struggle with queues' that might not be enough to get the attention of the staff who are probably thinking 'don't we all?'.

Sorry if it came across as questioning the OP's right to assistance, I was thinking more along the lines of what pp had said which is that she needs to be quite clear on what help she would like.

It might be more useful to say 'I've booked the fast track security line and help with navigating it due to my (intellectual? hearing?) disability'.

Wheelchair assistance takes you to the aircraft - where boarding can be a total bear garden. People milling around and the usual antics with boarding are problematic for wheelchair users never mind people with hearing issues. If the OP has issues with large numbers of people I can see why she'd want help. In the main, other than emotional support, there wouldn't be any other benefits so I don't understand why some posters are being stroppy gits.

OP, the staff behaviour was shit, you should complain.

We were at Gatwick recently and were certainly fast tracked due to autism - if your daughter is autistic then you should have been, too.