Would you tell parents about inappropriate searches during a sleepover?

[itwasyourshowallalong]

DC (11) had a friend over for a sleepover recently

I don’t want to divulge too much in case parents are on here, but something was searched for on the internet that shouldn’t have been (completely inappropriate for age)

DC has never searched for anything like that before, I keep a close eye - however, it could very easily have been one or both of them searching, so I cannot hand on heart say it was either child - it’s impossible to know

Guest child was also VERY sexually explicit, repeatedly, and had to be told to stop repeatedly (younger DC in the house)

Question now is whether to tell the parents/how?

DH doesn’t want me to say anything, but I feel that at the very least they should be aware (I would want to know if it was my child)

WWYD?

of course you need to tell them. They are only 11!

I might well be informing the school rather than the parents depending on the content.

Guest child was also VERY sexually explicit, repeatedly, and had to be told to stop repeatedly (younger DC in the house)

This context would send me to the school safeguarding, not the parents. This kind of thing can be a sign of abuse.

Age 11 yes you need to tell

Yes you definitely tell them. That's really concerning

Yes, they need to know.

100% tell them + school. This child needs to be protected. How did they get on the internet at the sleepover though?
I’ve an 11 year old. No phone. No internet-enabled devices outside the kitchen /living room where an adult can see what’s going on.

Yep and the school.

Yes tell the parents and dont let the kids have internet access at sleepovers next time.

What sexually explicit things was an 11 year old saying in front of adults? That’s a huge warning sign there. I’d actually think about calling social services. But yes, tell the parents what she was saying and what she was searching online.

NOT the parents.

you tell the school. The dc may be being sexually abused or exposed to sexual material that is not appropriate and it’s very possible it is the parents.

find out who is the safeguarding person at the school (it’ll be in the website) and email them.

if one or both of the parents are sexually abusing the child telling them is the last thing you should do.

not all parents are good people unfortunately

Definitely tell school instead of the parents, for all you know one of the parents could be sexually abusing the child

I think you need to go to safe guarding and not the parents. Unfortunately a lot of CSA is perpetrated by relatives.

Thank you, DH made me feel EXTREMELY unreasonable about even considering taking this further (he’s the one who allowed internet access, although our DC know that they are closely monitored - they mainly look up song lyrics)

The inappropriate language was around people “banging” to make babies, getting private parts out, wanting to have sex….not what I’m used to AT ALL, especially with younger DC around

If I was to tell the school, would the parents know it was me who reported?

I would be forbidding my child from playing with that child again.

Who cares? It's highly concerning.

Also never let your child to their house or unsupervised with that child.

You can ask to be kept anonymous

Tell school. If they seem it not to be an issue then that's fine.

My child would not be visiting this kids house though.

School will try and keep it anonymous but they may well be able to work out it was you.

I’ve had to attend a safeguarding meeting for one of my kids because of something that was said, and I know who reported it. It was a misunderstanding and I’ll admit I was anxious about the meeting, but I wasn’t mad at the lady who reported it! She was looking out for my son, and that’s a good thing! If they’re innocent of any wrongdoing I think they would probably feel the same?

I agree.

Would it matter?
Surely the child's welfare is the main concern here

Are you sure it wasn’t your DH that searched it? I don’t know why he would be so against you reporting this otherwise!

Not a chance it was DH unfortunately

The parents have said that they found similar on the guest child’s own search history and there were severe consequences, so I don’t think they would find it entirely surprising tbh. That’s why I initially thought about talking to the parents rather than the school

The kids have been friends for a long time but have recently become closer again

ummm have the parents considered where their child is learning this stuff?