To expect a 50 yr old man to be able to change a duvet cover.

[DaisyDukes2]

As it says on the time really. Any time he changes it (always prompted by me) he manages to put it in the wrong way (super king size duvet so wider than long). He did it again yesterday only this time the duvet cover was inside out too. Asked him to fix it and he faffed around with it but made it worse. I refused to fix it or sleep under it so grabbed a spare duvet and used that myself last night. Today he asked me to fix it because he just can't do it. Too small a hill to die on???

How do you wash the duvet unless you've got a huge washing machine. How do you dry it?

Thanks for posting this. I find OPs like this rather distasteful. So he's not good at putting on duvet covers (neither am I or several other people on this thread). I bet there is something OP is not that great at either, because no one is good at everything, and she would not want her DP to be posting on the internet about how incompetent she is.
if he's generally useless at everything, then that's an entirely different point.

The law of averages says that at least 50% of the time we should put the right corner into the duvet cover. Everyone knows, however, that in fact this happens 0% of the time.

Having said that, reasonable people immediately correct their mistake.

@redskyAtNigh he used to be able to do it and since I've gone back to work full-time (worked part-time and term-time while kids were young) I've noticed an increasing amount of things that an adult living independently should be able to to that he seems incapable of. And it's not like I've posted name address and and a picture....

We do it together or my husband does it alone. If I do it alone, the duvet ends up in a lump inside the cover.

In our household changing the duvet cover has always been a 2 person job.

Ok, that’s worrying. What kind of things? Do you think he’s genuinely having problems, or is he deliberately being incompetent?

Does he resent having to do more? I think you’re going to have to talk to him.

I’m sure at some point in your life someone showed you how to do it OP. Stop being a martyr and show him once how to do it properly.

We have been together for 25 years - the conversation and the tutorial have happened. And why the fuck is my responsibility to teach him something he used to do before he met me.

Owing to the fact that men are, generally speaking, taller, stronger and bigger than women this is something they should be better at.

What ? changing a duvet cover?

I think men just don’t give a shit about how things look / how comfortable they are etc, well as much as women do anyway. Every man I’ve been with (married twice, several long term relationships) just makes a complete mess of making a bed. One was particularly awful and made it inside out and all scrunched up. He had a very responsible job at which he was very capable, he just didn’t give a shit about the bed. 😡

Exact argument that happened here yesterday:

"Bloody duvet cover is miles too big."
"You have to put the duvet lines across the bed."
"No, that can't be right, it's lengthways, and the cover's too big."
"It's wider than it is long."
"It's square and the damn cover's too big, that's all."
"220x260 cm. Says it on the label."
"Whaaat? Oh. Well. But then the cover will have the buttons on one side. Won't it?"

Dr Buttons there has a PhD in engineering. And somehow we still got it in diagonally even after that.

See this is one of the things that annoys me.. No one showed me how to make a bed. It’s fairly easy to work out. And you can clearly see if it looks “right” or not.

Yes of course.

I'm under 5ft 2. Changing a duvet cover is lot less difficult for my 6ft tall dh.

This is just an observation - on every duvet I've ever owned or had anything to do with the labels have been down the side.

My eldest is dyspraxic, has major issues with co-ordination/spatial awareness etc (I have literally seen him spend a good minute figuring out how to use a screwdriver, and still getting it wrong due to his grip strength being so weak).

He can change a duvet cover. Even a big one. Probably easier than me as he's tall enough to give it a decent shake.

Having said all that - have you seen the magic roll it up method? My son goes for the hold the corners and dive-inside the cover strategy - but I use the roll it up method for the big duvet and it's truly a topological miracle s send your DH this

Why do you need height and / or strength. My children did it when they were school age.

Mine have all been (50years worth of duvets) at the side.

You beat me to it!

There are loads of videos of this technique online. I don't do it that way though - it seems over complicated compared to just putting the duvet in the cover. It seems to involve a lot of crawling about which I just can't do any more.

Suggest a trip to GP , worried about early onset dementia if these are things he used to be able to do before he met you.

Unless he is physically smaller and physically weaker than you , it should actually be EASIER for him to be lifting and shaking out a big heavy duvet etc.

So if GP rules out any cognitive issues then perhaps he could start working on his upper body strength . Good luck OP, he sounds exhausting

I just traded changing the duvet covers for the hoovering.

And then I traded duvet covers for coverless duvets, what a win!

I think younger children could change a single or double duvet but a superking size would be a push - it’s quite difficult to line it up and shake it if you’re tiny. Having said that, I’m 5ft 6 so not exactly tall and I manage just fine.

I think there is a discussion to be had about weaponised incompetence about household work in men who don't want to do it.