AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

@MarLiz2026

"It was the first time in ages we have taken her out and probably the last! It is definitely less enjoyable as they get older and more routined!"

It wasn't even enjoyable for you and you love your child.

Not enjoyable because I was made to feel quite uncomfortable by other people which is what this post is about :)

Also less enjoyable than when they are newborn potatoes who just sleep - naturally.

It wasn’t a quiet place - in the room across from us was a party of around 12 and they were loud and singing happy birthday etc. It was a Saturday night. We could hear noise from downstairs, there were dogs, sometimes they barked! I think my 11 month old making a little bit of noise isn’t any noisier than singing or barking?

Based on your replies, it sounds like you’re firmly convinced you did nothing wrong and were not being unreasonable to bring your baby, so what’s the actual issue? What are you looking for?

I also agree you did nothing wrong, by the way! It sounds like the other diners are just people that believe babies belong at home in bed after a certain hour with no excuses.

You asked if you were unreasonable to take your daughter out for this evening meal. My answer is rather yes than no.
I would make another arrangements (and I did when mine was small) e. g suggesting lunch or earlier dinner or meeting at yours or only one of you going or one of you going home earlier. By the way we didn’t have family near by and couldn’t use a babysitter due to baby’s medical issues so I could understand your problem.
It did sound like you were quite noticeably active so it was probably quite distracting for other diners especially if the restaurant had quite a small space between tables.

I wouldn't have put the baby in the pram at all. I would have let them fall asleep on me or while feeding, then there is no whinging or unsettled noise in the transition to the pram.

Your original description does sound like you were up and down and fussing.

You can take the baby downstairs without taking the pram out too. I'm agreeing that you can take babies out, pay no attention to people saying a baby shouldn't be out at all or it needs to be in bed by a certain time. They're babies, they don't have to be up for work in the morning! But when you say she 'hardly cried', that means she did cry, so it's obvious that will disrupt or annoy some diners. We had plenty of dinners out when DC1 was a baby, huge shortage of babysitters for us, you just need to take the baby out for any crying.

Ok.

Barking dogs roaming free?? Where is this ‘restaurant’?

I vote YABU, I would expect to be safe from babies in prams in the upstairs section of a restaurant.

Just because a place has a high chair and kids menu does not mean i would take a child to this event

As a neighbouring diner this would have driven me mad. Kids from 0-5 are best left to kid friendly spaces where they can be loud and roam as needed, until they are at an age where they can sit still for the duration of a meal. Or you do an early bird booking at 5pm and get in and out before other diners arrive. And yes, I have kids.

People are polite op. That's all.

No adults actually want to go out to dinner with a couple to have them fussing and fretting over a crying baby half the night.

You even said your first choice would have been a babysitter - so clearly this was a less than ideal situation, eben for you, and it was your kid! Can't really blame others for being less than impressed at the disturbance.

Where I live it would be hard to find a restaurant - except the seriously high end ones - where you wouldn't meet a baby. no one cares unless they are screaming or you expect people at the next table to entertain them.

They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there

They weren’t annoyed she was there, they were annoyed at the disturbance you freely admit she was making.

You’re allowed to bring a baby to a restaurant and other people are allowed to not like it.

Took my two under fives out for tea at 5pm with my elderly family members last week to a family pub style restaurant. Both were sat very quietly doing sticker books, small puzzles etc, genuinely neither made much noise at all (and I am the first to say if they are being a pain!). We were stared at by several customers as if I had 2 heads, one person turning round in their seats to get a look. Honestly you can’t do right for doing wrong.

Live your life and don’t let other people stop you. You can’t win when you’ve got kids. Just plan how to do it well for everyone’s benefit. It will get easier.

You have explained (twice) about a pram and being upstairs. My questions was why you didn't take her out. I don't know if you have a disability but I was assuming you might be able to carry your baby 🤷‍♀️

So, you took your baby out, nobody did anything to you or spoke to you, but you feel entitled to police other people's (imagined) conversations and they're not allowed to look at you in public?

So long as your friends were ok with you bringing the baby, YANBU for taking the baby. But you are being extremely unreasonable about the couple who did nothing to you.

You can't police people's facial expressions or private conversations. you say they complained - what precisely did they say?

You're not going to get validation from everyone in life, people don't owe you a smile, a pat on the back for being a wonderful mother, or cheerleading pom poms.

Perhaps they were complaining because you kept staring at them.

I know I sound a bit of a fuddyduddy but I think Baby should be tucked up in her cot at that time. She was probably tired and grumpy. I think up to about 6 is ok but 7pm is grown up time or at least older family time. I do sympathise, it’s hard clawing your life back when you’ve got a baby but I think you deserve an evening off and should get a babysitter when you can.