AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

You are obviously from the US., where things are different, but should be ok here I would have thought.

I have a 4 year old and I can still recall those earlier years and no way would mine have settled quietly or made occasional noise at that time. She used to cry and fuss at the top of her lungs so we did not ever take her out at night to restaurants.

I probably would have expected that one of you stayed home and the other go out. It sounds like a distracting evening anyway with lots of movement and I don’t think the other table is unreasonable you don’t know their circumstances that go them to go out at night. I think snatched conversations can be hard as someone says something and then the distracted parent is half listening or trails off about their baby or addresses the baby mid-way. You may think you are not doing this but you are probably.

I’m more leaning towards one parent should have stayed at home with the baby.

We once went out for dinner and were put next to a large family who argued noisily and agfressively all evening. That is much worse because they were all adults. Didn't feel we could say anything...I think it was unlucky that the other couple were put with your party in a small isolated space. If you'd been in a larger more open area it would probably have seemed less disruptive to the couple.

I'm so glad you don't live near me.. in Europe we socialise intergenerationally and unlike the UK we like kids. You sound like a bore.

That’s from lazy and disinterested parents, not because they didn’t get restaurant dining from 11 months 😂

The baby doesnt know its child friendly

Some people are oddballs. So concerned with someone caring for their baby that they can't even enjoy their own evening. Mad.

You can't accommodate 5 people for a meal?

DO NOT let someone else's weird opinions stop you doing things. You did nothing wrong. Enjoy as many days and nights together with you baby and your friends in whatever way they can happen. We're a long time dead. Xx

Oh goody goody!! A restaurant with babies and dogs!! Ideal for a quiet, relaxing dinner. Not.

If its a kid friendly establishment (which it clearly was) then no problem. Its a hard job to find one that isn't where I live.....but there is a happier feel where we are and that the Uk isn't like that gives me no pride and reaffirms that leaving was the best thing we did for our family unit. That makes me feel sad, not smug. If you want a grown ups only meal go to a grown ups only venue, not somewhere that provides high chairs... DOH!

Imagine their lives if their biggest problem is a quiet baby. Embarrassing for them.

or France. No one would notice a baby unless the baby was crying loudly for ages

This thread is quite interesting, where I live nobody would bat an eyelid about a baby out in the evening, but no way would dogs be inside a restaurant! In the UK it seems to be the other way around!!

No. Providing you have a plan for if things go wrong. If your child disrupts the restaurant it is a problem - if they sleep or sit in a high chair being adorable it is not.

It's your life and you are entitled to live the way you prefer, as long as it's not disturbing others, and you play by the rules.

Looks like this couple was crossing boundaries to me, if they were annoyed they could have asked to be moved to another point of the room at a different table. This restaurant is clearly child friendly so it's not your problem, they could have gone to a more sophisticated place.
Don't think over it, there will always be grumpy people and you don't want your life ruined by them.

We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

If the baby was quiet how come the parents were up and down like yoyos trying to keep her quiet?

Sorry but please don’t let ignorant selfish people ruin your night. If they don’t like it they could have asked to be moved. If they didn’t, their problem! You’re doing nothing wrong and you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide away because you have a baby. It is a hassle but my partner and I still take our 3.5 year old out everywhere and she’s autistic too, but if she plays up we can take her outside. If we worried about everyone else we would never go anywhere. People should be more tolerant !

Dogs are welcome in some restaurants but not others. It depends on fashion and location. I recall going to a posh restaurant in France where Queen Elizabeth had eaten. With some delight I saw a lady’s large white poodle sitting opposite her looking rather grand.

I think you have to allow for cultural preferences and norms. Yes, abroad, warm evenings in summer and beyond, open air restaurants, kids who are used to being up later perhaps and around adults. In this country, it's hard to explain but where the former wouldn't bother me, I definitely don't want a baby interrupting my evening meal out- it feels entitled to impose a kid on others during what should be adult time. And if Op was up and down with the baby, then that is a distraction.

It’s absolutely mad, theres no circumstance I can even think of where I would be annoyed at someone bringing their child to a restaurant I was eating at, from Michelin star restaurants all the way to a local coffee shop.

They were the only other couple sat upstairs. They could have asked to be moved downstairs once they noticed a tot.

Family restaurants exist for your reason. High end restaurants even have baby facilities because they never know who may walk through their doors.

Also the more you go out the more your baby will get used to those background noises later at night.

Go out at least once every month. So you get comfortable with your confidence. It doesn’t matter what others think or say.

Your baby was also invited but why was a 1st floor table booked? Easy to book elsewhere.

Forward planning is essential when you have young children, so a reliable babysitter could have been booked. You said that you couldn't for 'various reasons' that you didn't elaborate. If one of them was that you don't like the idea I'd understand, but if so,that is a personal issue.

Why a pram ? Could the restaurant not fit you in downstairs (if they had that facility)?

We took our baby out for meals regularly, but chose to make it lunchtimes as there weren't generally the problems you encountered. We also found that it was a good way to keep him in a (flexible) bed time routine. Maybe your reluctance to take the baby out is a good idea is it makes you feel uncomfortable.

@Foggydaze

They were the only other couple sat upstairs. They could have asked to be moved downstairs once they noticed a tot.

I hadn't spotted that. Upstairs in two floor restaurants is almost always less popular for numerous reasons but one of them is it's less busy and has less "atmosphere".

You can bet your bottom dollar that couple booked that upstairs table precisely because they expected it to be quieter, which is why they reacted so badly.

They found themselves sat next to parents hopping up and down like jack in the boxes to quieten a baby who, against their own normal standards of baby noise, wasn't causing a noise problem, but who clearly was otherwise they wouldn't have needed to be going to all that effort to keep her quiet.

I think only one you should have gone and the other stayed at home with the baby. Many years ago a collegue came to a small works dinner n drinks with her son who was a similar age and this ruined the vibe for me personally.