AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

So the couple, who said and did nothing at all, were sour? Because they looked at someone who was moving around a lot with a fussy baby?

Op hasn't responded I don't think to the question I asked - what did they actually say? She claims they complained, but hasn't said what they said.

It's so cute when babies rub their eyes because they are tired! 🥹

OP, if I remember correctly, said the couple kept looking over at them and one of them seems to have been actively staring at OP’s table, which is rude in itself.

He was probably perving. I'd have complained to the manager about him staring. Why should he have got away with that. I wonder if his wife wondered what on earth he was staring at.

so you think people eating in a restaurant should not even look at you if you have a baby with you who is fussing?

So you are saying people must now not only not speak to you, say anything at all, but must also completely rearrange their faces and not look at parents in case the parents decide to become offended for that reason?

I mean that is, literally, what would have to happen. Op must have been staring at them to even notice their facial expressions and conversations.

People keep saying this about Europe, but then how does anyone go out for a romantic meal? And all children need sleep. Surely they can't be that common in restaurants in the evening? (I always go self-catering and don't go to many restaurants.)

I'm also in the camp that babies and young children are best served being in bed at home instead of noisy restaurants. I know that was OP's preference, and once in a blue moon won't kill them, but I think parents who do it a lot, or night after night on holiday, aren't being fair to the baby.

I'm also a knobhead by that definition. Of course babies should normally be tucked up at home by 7pm. That's what's best for their welfare.

I‘d second this. You have nothing to worry about.
Don’t feel bad for taking your daughter with you. A restaurant that allows dogs and offers pram space and high chairs…not a Michelin star in sight..you’re good.

Look, you had a right to take your fussy baby out. They had a right to not look impressed by that choice.

You cannot police people's facial expressions. You must have been staring at them to even notice them.

You can do as you please, you cannot expect wide beaming grins, or anybody to be happy your fussy baby is right next to hem and you are getting up and down next to them while they're eating in an adult restaurant at 8 oclock. They are allowed to have facial expressions you don't approve of. Just like you are allowed to not care.

You're not getting a cheer leading squad every time you turn up with your baby. If nobody says anything rude to you, or does anything to you, just get on with it.

People are allowed to have facial expressions and thoughts you do not approve of.

They did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong.

Move on.

Too bad. You don’t have a right to decide the other customers unless you book out the whole restaurant. I understand complaining about children running around being a menace but a baby who is being 100% parented and cuddled and rocked? You should stick to bars and the pubs where babies aren’t allowed after 8.

op, fuck them. You are allowed to take your baby out, and on planes, and on buses. The nerve of them to complain. Enjoy your baby and enjoy going out everywhere you’re allowed to and works for your family! I’m taking it as read from your behaviour in the restaurant that you would never just let your kids run wild. We went out lots with babies, stopped when our eldest was 3 and a bit too active. I only felt bad once, fine dining in New York and the couple on the next table were out without kids for the first time since their twins were born. But my 15mo sat in his high chair, ate lots and the couple were so nice and said he was gorgeous and they hope that’s them in a year, with two 15mo of course. The wait staff were wonderful.

Hhahhaaaa I could be home with an awake baby, or I could be out with an awake baby. There were no options before 1 year old to be home with a sleeping baby at 7am. We tried!! 1am maybe.

Looks like OP fabricated the bit about the complaint actually. She either didn't hear it or has mysteriously forgotten what they said and won't elaborate at all.

So nothing to say fuck em about then. They just sat there, saying nothing to OP. They may have - OH LORD ABOVE!!! - looked in her direction. The horror.

Time to move on from the non event of the century.

This. It was when I got to this bit I thought it sounded redistracting. Awake eating fine, asleep fine not pushing a pram back and forth in a restaurant whilst baby fusses. I didn’t have a baby too long ago and we always took the baby out if they were fussing/crying (to be fair I was always more worried about my babies noise that actually bothered me by others but the rocking etc I think is too much)

Just forget about it op. It doesn’t matter.

Lesson here is that next time, insist on a more practical restaurant where you can sit downstairs.

I am sorry you’re not getting out for dinner much, but tbh it doesn’t get better in the later years. My kids are 5 and 2, and definitely wouldn’t cope well starting out for dinner at 7pm. DH and I very rarely go out for dinner together.

I said 7pm, not 7am!

I agree with this. It would’ve been better to have an early dinner at 5ish than a 7pm meal when most people wouldn’t expect there to be infants making noise and parents fussing which is distracting. Maybe in other countries this is normal but that doesn’t apply in the UK which is presumably where you are, so that’s irrelevant for everyone making that point. And people having celebrations is different because you expect that but not infants.

But as you’ve argued with every single poster who hasn’t wholly validated you, you don’t really want other people’s views you just want to be agreed with, which makes me think you are downplaying how annoying you were.

I think staring is rude. Everything else, ask OP her thoughts on what she feels is acceptable or not.

Why on earth should the op insist on anything?

But a total other question as I am not going back to find the poster who mentioned ot but from the baby's viewpoint why does matter if the baby is in a resturant or at home, yes babies annoy adults but how is it a welfare concern?

My heart would’ve sank if I arrived to a nice restaurant on the Saturday evening to find a baby next to me. I’d be out having a lovely child free evening away from my own kids and planning to enjoy a meal where there isn’t a small child crying at various stages of the meal and would be absolutely gutted that I wasn’t actually going to get the nice evening where i don’t have to listen to a small child crying/making loud noises.

I don’t think you did anything wrong but I do remember my first night out with my husband without our baby, having dinner late in the evening and another couple brought a baby to the table next door and I was wildly irritated that my child free evening was now very much not child free. So I can see both sides.

yes, all this up and down, rocking, swapping etc.

The couple were rude and judgey but you were creating a lot of physical movement.

Yes, OP was definitely rude to stare.

its ok to take a baby to a restaurant and it’s ok for a couple not to want to sit near a baby in a restaurant.

I wouldn’t have wanted to sit next to your table if I was out having dinner. I’d have asked to be moved. I’m sure in 10 years time OP would ask to be moved too.

Yep. They did absolutely nothing to her. Not one thing. But now apparently we are not even allowed to not be cheerleaders for those with babies.

It's a bit much OP is demanding pom poms and cheer squad, and that people rearrange their facial expressions to suit her, not even allowed to look at her or talk amongst themselves because she might decide to be offended. OP comes across as very entitled tbh and the only way she could possibly have gathered they were staring is if she was watching every move they made instead of just getting on with the night.

It's a good lesson for OP to learn though - people are allowed to find your baby irritating, have any facial expressions they like and have discussions amongst themselves that you don't apprpove of. They did precisely nothing to her.

Nobody did anything wrong and this was a nothing event all round.

I think it’s a time issue. We have nicer restaurants near us that you would consider child friendly in that they offer high chairs and would accommodate anyone with a pram etc and it’s fairly common to see a young child there during lunch or even an early dinner setting say 5ish. I wouldn’t expect a baby there at 7 with the parents attempting to do a bedtime routine and get the baby to sleep amongst all the diners.