AIBU for taking my 11 month old to an evening meal?

[MarLiz2026]

Last night I went for dinner with my husband, 11 month old and a few friends. One of our friends lives abroad and doesn’t come back to our hometown often, and he invited us out with a couple other friends to catch up and enjoy a nice evening together.

The meal was booked for 7pm and for different reasons we didn’t have anybody who could look after our baby. It has been several months since we went out for dinner with our daughter, as now she is 11 months old she is much more routined and harder to keep entertained whilst out! But we didn’t want to miss seeing our friend and thought one night isn’t going to harm anybody, we still need to have a life too!

We were seated in a smaller seating area, with a high chair and plenty of room for a pram. The restaurant was quite small and quaint but they were absolutely lovely. Just after we sat down, a couple were sat down near us. It was just our table of 5 + baby and those 2 sat in this area.

We brought toys for our daughter and hoped that once it was around bedtime we could get her to sleep in the pram. She hardly cried, and she just occasionally made some loud noises (like 11 month olds do). We did not let her run or crawl around and she was always either in her high chair or in our arms or the pram. We spent a good portion of the night trying to get her to sleep (with great difficulty) and had to do a bit of pram rocking and breastfeeding and taking her out and putting her back etc and naturally at times she got a little fussy but she was generally really good and didn’t make much noise.

When trying to get her to sleep I rocked her in the pram and me and my husband were putting a great effort into keeping her calm and trying to get her to sleep. The entire time, the couple kept looking at me (the man turning around every few minutes) and the woman staring at me the whole time. They were quite obviously talking about us and the baby and were seemed really annoyed that my daughter was there. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to make an already awkward situation more awkward, especially as we were having a nice evening with our friends. At one point I overheard them complaining to the staff and it made me feel so uncomfortable and to be honest really upset. When they eventually left I did share with my table and they all said I should have said something, but it has left me feeling really sad and like I have done something wrong by bringing her out?

This is the first time in a long time we have gone out with her in the evening and to be honest it has really put me off taking her out again. I would have taken her for a walk in the pram rather than rocking it in the area but we were actually seated upstairs and had to carry the pram up and down the stairs.

AIBU for taking my daughter? I don’t think I would normally care but as it’s been such a long time since we have done anything with her in the evening it has really knocked my confidence.

We are so weird in this country about taking kids out to eat. No wonder so many are growing up unable to hold conversations or eat properly.

I have a 12m old and I would have gone. I would have asked if they could have moved us to a downstairs table though and been prepared to tag team it where one person ate whilst the other walked with the baby and left early once or was clear that they weren't going to sleep.
I'm not that precious about routine but know that once we are in a losing battle with getting them to sleep wherever we are the only thing that is going to work is going back to the reliable and taking them for a walk, drive or heading back home.

We were at an afternoon birthday event a few weeks ago, we had hope for a nap on the drive there which was earlier than normal but not by much, obviously it didn't happen. I took him to the car after the meal to give a feed and hope he would go to sleep but didn't. Some of the party had to leave so we went back to my parents for tea and cake. Baby didn't go to sleep on the drive to them either, we had a very quick cup of tea and slice of cake and decided it was time to duck out and get him home. He fell asleep 10 minutes from home around at about 5 pm.

My party was absolutely fine. My baby was invited by the person who organised the meal and everyone knew she was coming and happy to see her. My party were not the issue and never once in my post have I said anyone on my table were annoyed. This post is about OTHER diners.

It’s a baby. They’ll get over it. Babies are part of society too!

I have to admit to having mixed feelings about this. I've done it myself, without hesitation, but if my babies ever got fussy, as you put it, I would carry them outside. You were taking her in and out of the pram, rocking the pram, feeding her, playing with her toys and you admit she occasionally got noisy. It does sound very noisy and distracting, particularly if you were in an otherwise quiet, small room. Overall, I think I can sympathise with the other table.

The restaurant sat us upstairs specifically because they let dogs downstairs and they were more comfortable with babies / dogs being separate. But yes it would’ve been easier if we were downstairs so she could’ve been taken for a walk!

Made it quite clear this post isn’t about my friend or anyone on my table? My baby was invited. The other table had the issue, not mine.

Of course YANBU

but sadly some people are arseholes

Why post if you're going to get snippy and defensive with anyone who doesn't validate you?

Yes I saw that but I would have said, thank you but it would be more practical with the pram to be downstairs and was it possible to switch tables.

One thing I have learnt is not everyone has the same ideas about what is the best solution. I remember once going into a pub for lunch with my 3 yo (at that time). They thought a table in the corner would be best for her only this was a tall table and very impractical for a tiny 3 yo (in ages 12m clothes) and risk of her falling or slipping.

I used to work in hospitality and would have done my best in this situation to find a solution that would have worked for the parents.

I understand that that there was obviously things going on with us trying to keep her entertained / happy but taking her outside I don’t think would have helped. I couldn’t take the pram out really as I have mentioned. I also don’t think her being a little bit noisy is much different to adults laughing loudly or talking loudly! I do understand that it was just us and them in a smaller area though, but this I would think would be an issue to take up with the restaurant and not staring at me / my baby. I’m also the first person to say when she is being difficult or hard to be around, but she was honestly really good overall!

I’m getting snippy at the people who are not answering my question and instead telling me they would be really annoyed if they were my friends? Which wasn’t my post? Or the people clearly not reading my post and saying I should have taken her outside when I made it clear in the post why I didn’t do that?

I agree. It’s really sad.

I’d much prefer a culture like in Spain or Italy where it’s normal for children to be in restaurants and in public in an evening.

It's a discussion board? People are entitled to comment on other things than your direct question? Maybe your excuses aren't convincing to them?

What's the point?

It’s extremely normal near me to have a baby with you to dine in the evening. How else can they grow up learning? I’d assume they usually frequent a local pub with sky sports, draught Stella & a printed out sign saying ‘no kids after 7’.

Because some people (like you) have very poor comprehension skills

TBH, it sounds like you were disruptive and that's from hearing your account. If the couple gave their version, you would probably sound even louder.

How expensive was the restaurant?

Taking babies out to eat I have no problems with. Keeping a fussy baby inside because you don't want to be seated with dogs doesn't really seem fair on the other upstairs diners. Eating out with dc often involves someone taking them out for a bit.

But other things aren’t relevant to my post??? 😂 so what point are you trying to make?

We didn’t care about being with dogs! The restaurant said they usually let dogs downstairs and would prefer if children were upstairs :)

A main meal and soft drink cost around £23?

Both you and the OP seem unable to understand my very clear posts, so that's a little rich.

What a pointless thread.

In hindsight it was probably easier for the pram to be downstairs and we could’ve asked. The downstairs was also small (it was an ok sized restaurant but split between smaller rooms) so there wasn’t much room for a pram and then dogs too. But you’re right we could’ve asked!

You did not want her to be downstairs because it was dog friendly?? Would a dog have climbed into her pram, perhaps chewed a leg off the high chair.
I think you made a rod for your own back. You could not settle her outside because of a few dogs, who by the way, are much less of a distraction than babies in a restaurant.

Edited to say sorry, only read the earlier post so taking this back.

So pointless that you’re spending your Sunday night commenting on it! Enjoy :)