Son. Nice but dim

[YourSharpTealWriter]

I’m struggling with my son. He’s 20 with ADHD. His behaviour is reckless and he doesn’t care about consequences. There’s always some drama or other. His latest prank is he drives around with pretend blue flashing lights he’s got from you tube on his phone that he places on his dash board and stops cars of people he believes are drunk / drug driving. He jumps out of the car pretending to be undercover shouting at them, gets their details then gets back in his car and drives off whist his mate records this.

I’ve explained it is illegal to impersonate a police officer but he just thinks it’s hilarious. He’s also very moralistic and has no fear. For example he saw someone mistreating a dog on a walk and gave them a right bollocking. Or if he sees younger teens getting bullied in the park he’ll intervene and threaten to beat up the bullies who are trying to recruit ‘drug runners’. He’s got into a fair few fights. I tell him you never know who he’s confronting, they may have a knife etc. he just shrugs and says it’s the right thing to do.

He is lovely at home, respectful, pays his way. He earns a lot of money as he has a dangerous job working on the highways, I really can’t fault him. He also has a brilliant girlfriend, he treats her well and she adores him, but she works with people who have mental health issues so maybe she’s well equipped to deal with his behaviour, and enjoys a project? But he’s out all the time causing mischief and he’s going to get in real trouble.

how can I navigate this? I don’t think he’s showing any signs of growing out of it.

That's more than ADHD.

Does he have any interest in joining the police force? Genuine suggestion.

How do you think he’d react to being charged or having a court appearance?

I was reading that some people just need to take risks - its an innate thing. You just have to channel the thrill seeking to get that 'fix' into something safer. I used to go travelling alone to random places for my 'fix'.

If you can, channel his thrill into adrenaline sports or challenges (like 3 peaks). He needs to get something out of his system and feed the need for a 'thrill'. He can't film his challenges if he still wants his mate videoing it all. Maybe raise money for charity so he is still helping people.

I’d just let him carry on as one day he’ll get arrested for it, maybe pull over an actual off duty police officer

Maybe actually being arrested for impersonating a police officer will give him the kick up the bum he needs! I can’t think of anything else you can do he sounds very egotistical and is not going to listen to reason but good on him for calling out the dog abusers ! He just needs to know where the line is drawn

He may be addicted to drama and danger. How worrying for you. I don't know what you can do except maybe report him to the police about the impersonations and let him get caught. He might mind the consequences more than he thinks and modify his behaviour.

It sounds like he does all this for social media. Would he join the police op?

He is a real life batman. He is definitely not dim. The impersonating a police officer could really come and bite him in the backside though. He sounds great.

The behaviour isn't a choice? Impersonating a police officer? Come off it. ADHD doesn't explain breaking the law.

I think I’d be terrified if I was pulled over by him. Especially if I realised he was impersonating a police officer.

Impersonating a police officer can get you up to six months in prison and an unlimited fine - if nothing else in their behaviour changes, that must stop.

@AgeingMillennial second paragraph, first sentence of the OP.

As others have said, this is quite a serious offence.

https://www.wiltshire.police.uk/news/wiltshire/news/2024/june-2024/man-sentenced-for-impersonating-police-officer/

Tell him about this guy and hammer home possible consequences. Your son is an eejit who’d find prison very difficult, I imagine, so perhaps explain clearly to him the consequences of his idiot behaviour and just what he’s jeopardising.

Well I hope you or his girlfriend didn’t sort out his wet clothes for him!
I bet he’s “lovely” because you don’t confront him, you don’t push him, you don’t protect your boundaries. You’ve said he’s got anger issues and explodes.
These young men are only “lovely” if
life is on their terms.
I know. I am three years on from you- don’t be me. I have been through Hell and back and am somehow dragging myself
through life now. Don’t be me.
I won’t live with my son anymore.

reading about him pouring water in his drawer and wondering why things are wet, makes me think he struggling to imagine the consequences of his actions, and that he can’t connect them together easily.
I think just verbally talking through what may happen or has happened is not enough. Words disappear especially if you aren’t attending to them completely. I recommend sitting down and visually using a flow chart or series of boxes, and simply writing or drawing/using pictures the sequence of what’s happening with an end box of the possible consequence. Get him to come up with what he thinks could happen and you write/draw (depending on how best he takes in information) your own ideas.
keep these as reference.
i also think he needs an adrenaline type of hobby. Something he can talk about and be excited by which doesn’t involve uncontrolled risks

Yes, echoes of Wayne Couzens.

I’ve explained it is illegal to impersonate a police officer

Literally written in the OP 🤦‍♀️

Oh he’s because the extensive vetting and training works so well and there isn’t a problem at all with a significant number of male police officers being thugs in uniform enjoying and abusing their power? This guy really does not need to become a police officer. He demonstrates he has no common sense, is no way near mature enough. He also doesn’t seem to demonstrate that he has kindness and compassion at the heart of his character which I think is necessary police officers to have (sadly a lot don’t).

plus he has anger issues! I imagine members of the public spend a lot of time trying to wind the police up. My sisters are coppers, my nieces are coppers, I was a Special for a bit. He really doesn’t sound suited.

It’s called reading comprehension.

Yes she says so in her post 🙄

What happens if he forces a woman to stop and she asks for ID? Only a step away from Wayne Couzens now. Or he stops an aggressive driver who doesn't respond well and pulls out a knife/machete?

The blue light thing is not a
prank if he’s stopping them and taking their details. That’s quite serious. All it will take is for someone to panic and maybe crash or someones ( especially a female) to feel uncomfortable to make a complaint and they find out he pretended to be an officer and now has her name and address and they would come down on him like a ton of bricks and rightly so.it’s really not on.

I’ve already posted this, he works as a contractor for the highways agency and earns about £900 per week

He sounds like a wanker, and you sound like you see him as a "cheeky chappie". Get him out and attempt to ask him to take responsibility for his awful behaviour.

He’s a contractor for highways agency