Son. Nice but dim

[YourSharpTealWriter]

I’m struggling with my son. He’s 20 with ADHD. His behaviour is reckless and he doesn’t care about consequences. There’s always some drama or other. His latest prank is he drives around with pretend blue flashing lights he’s got from you tube on his phone that he places on his dash board and stops cars of people he believes are drunk / drug driving. He jumps out of the car pretending to be undercover shouting at them, gets their details then gets back in his car and drives off whist his mate records this.

I’ve explained it is illegal to impersonate a police officer but he just thinks it’s hilarious. He’s also very moralistic and has no fear. For example he saw someone mistreating a dog on a walk and gave them a right bollocking. Or if he sees younger teens getting bullied in the park he’ll intervene and threaten to beat up the bullies who are trying to recruit ‘drug runners’. He’s got into a fair few fights. I tell him you never know who he’s confronting, they may have a knife etc. he just shrugs and says it’s the right thing to do.

He is lovely at home, respectful, pays his way. He earns a lot of money as he has a dangerous job working on the highways, I really can’t fault him. He also has a brilliant girlfriend, he treats her well and she adores him, but she works with people who have mental health issues so maybe she’s well equipped to deal with his behaviour, and enjoys a project? But he’s out all the time causing mischief and he’s going to get in real trouble.

how can I navigate this? I don’t think he’s showing any signs of growing out of it.

He wouldn't get a badge without extensive training and vetting. The training would teach him the right and wrong ways to do it. He might respond better to this than to the concerns of his mum, which probably feel silly and out of date to him.

MN is often skewed against young men, which I understand the reasons for, but you can't lock everyone up who might potentially hurt someone in the future (aside from the fact he could genuinely get locked up for this actual crime - which would be fair) IMO the best thing to do is channel the positive bits of the urge into something more productive. With a 20yo who owns his own car, OP is limited in what she can do anyway, she can only suggest things, she can't do very much against it. But if it was my son interested in this I would say look, if you want to stop drink drivers, you go through the proper route and do it properly, stop messing around playing games like an overgrown 5yo playing cops and robbers.

Thank you for such a helpful post, it makes a lot of sense. I do try and find a balance between lecturing him and also adding humour. Humour is a much better outcome, he shuts off if he feels I’m telling him off’. He will actively do the opposite if he perceives someone telling him what to do.

He’s just poured a bottle of water in his clothes drawer and now wondering why all his boxer shorts are wet. I honestly hope things will get more normal as he gets older

He’s breaking the law on a regular basis and is going to end up in prison or beaten to a pulp.

If he’s earning such good money, I would suggest he lives independently and then at least I wouldn’t know on a daily basis what ridiculous situations he was choosing to get himself into.

i hope so too! He honestly is lovely aside from his antics. He helps anyone, he chased someone out of the pub last month as he saw someone steal a mobile phone off a table. He got the phone back and returned it to the lady in the pub, last year he saw an elderly man collapse and stayed with him until the ambulance arrived, this poor man after regaining consciousness was trying to give money to the shop keeper (I think he was confused) - the shop keeper was about to take the money but my son told him to stop being a cheeky bastard. He helps his Grandma with the garden and shopping etc. Sadly he can also be a complete idiot

😆Why on earth has he done that??

I don’t why he does a lot of things! I could write a book 🤣

Have you read the Sarah Templeton books at all? She has one for teens/YAs and while I do think her books are a bit simplistic she does get the tone very well of how it feels to be presented with their strange behaviour. I often find it inexplicable and I have ADHD myself and do understand bits of it. To get a sense of her sense of humour, the one for children is called "How not to murder your ADHD child". This one has a less funny title but might still be good?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739958837?ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_dp_VH2DMVBPF8MR9A7FJTT9

Brilliant I’ll have a look at that thank you 🙏

Impersonating a police officer is an offence- and he could get in serious trouble.

To be honest he needs a sharp shock - I’d go to your local station and ask them to have a word before he chooses the wrong person to stop with his toy lights flashing.

I wonder what the police would say about the state of his driving whilst attempts to pull over these drivers?
Also, how far would be take it, would he get into a pursuit if someone refuses to get away?

He sounds very aggressive, selfish righteous and a hypocrite.

There seems to be a bit of a link between his opinion about himself based on what he is able to afford. Being able to afford a fancy car and expensive clothes doesn't make you better than another. Feeling like you drive better than another person doesn't give you the right to be aggressive and harass them. It must be terrifying for the people he pulls over. I'm also concerned about what opinion of the police it would leave with those people and whether it would make them feel about approaching the police when in need.

Dude. Men are doing this to rape and kidnap women and to harass and rob people. This is criminal. There is no good intent here.

There's no way a stupid 20 year old already harassing people and terrorizing them is going to make a good cop. He's already commiting criminal acts when he goes out and impersonates an officer to stop and harass people on the road and he's filming these confrontations. Wait until he pulls over some dealers. Or a cop sees him in pursuit but there's nothing through dispatch.

It’s ok he has zero interest in joining the police force. I think he’d make a better informant

Yes he can be all those things. I agree with everything you’ve said.

To be fair, if hes working on the roads doing works, a criminal record isnt a barrier. He sounds an utter tit though. How far will he take it? Pretend to be a police officer to stop women if he wants to?

he has no interest in stopping women. He is a tit and has plenty of colleagues with criminal records, you’re right

People don’t read the posts 🤯

Vigilante informant roadman?

If he's driving a new Benz, he's going to get clocked as fake law right off.

It sounds like he enjoys the adrenaline rush from having confrontations.

If he's lucky, he's going to end up getting arrested. If he's unlucky, he's going to end up getting stabbed.

Absolutely

Encourage him to join the police force. Failing that just buy him some trunks to wear over his trousers and a cape - he obviously sees himself as some kind of superhero! 🦸

Very worrisome. I might say that if your police have a "community relations" kind of problem, you might be able to get a policeman to come over and talk to him. But that's just a tiny part of the problem.

He doesn't appear to be nice or dim - more calculating and violent. You need to report his behaviour to the real police so they can take action.

He's exactly the kind of person society doesn't need in the police.

What is his job OP?