Son. Nice but dim

[YourSharpTealWriter]

I’m struggling with my son. He’s 20 with ADHD. His behaviour is reckless and he doesn’t care about consequences. There’s always some drama or other. His latest prank is he drives around with pretend blue flashing lights he’s got from you tube on his phone that he places on his dash board and stops cars of people he believes are drunk / drug driving. He jumps out of the car pretending to be undercover shouting at them, gets their details then gets back in his car and drives off whist his mate records this.

I’ve explained it is illegal to impersonate a police officer but he just thinks it’s hilarious. He’s also very moralistic and has no fear. For example he saw someone mistreating a dog on a walk and gave them a right bollocking. Or if he sees younger teens getting bullied in the park he’ll intervene and threaten to beat up the bullies who are trying to recruit ‘drug runners’. He’s got into a fair few fights. I tell him you never know who he’s confronting, they may have a knife etc. he just shrugs and says it’s the right thing to do.

He is lovely at home, respectful, pays his way. He earns a lot of money as he has a dangerous job working on the highways, I really can’t fault him. He also has a brilliant girlfriend, he treats her well and she adores him, but she works with people who have mental health issues so maybe she’s well equipped to deal with his behaviour, and enjoys a project? But he’s out all the time causing mischief and he’s going to get in real trouble.

how can I navigate this? I don’t think he’s showing any signs of growing out of it.

But you said he had been working for 8 years. Then said he was 25. Then said he changes his car every couple of years. That sounds very different.

A massive sense of injustice is prevalent in people with adhd. He feels like he is right doing this so it’s not a silly choice he is making. I would come from this perspective and maybe suggest a medication review or check in with his partner and see if she knows of any services out there to support him.

Psychiatrists diagnose ADHD and ASD, sometimes with other professionals but usually alone given all the info

They also prescribe the meds.

What do you mean by 'medical doctor' - what do you think a psychiatrist is?

How does he hold down this very well paid/ dangerous Job at 20 yrs old with mental health problems.

Its very common autism behaviour, I said much earlier in the thread.

A lot of children/adults on the spectrum have black and white thinking that essentially means they're right no matter what and combined with a sense of 'justice' (not necessarily according with the actual law or social norms, just their understanding of justice) means they'll often take actions which are anti social and inappropriate but 'right' in their eyes.

He shouldnt have access to a car and needs intervention, my view that is achieved by reporting him to the police.

I have a son who is similar to the OPs son. I agree one of the few things that makes a difference to my son’s behaviour is me explaining how it impacts me mentally or physically. My DS hasn’t done the police car thing but is like the OPs son in many ways. It’s exhausting and heartbreaking. You are not alone @YourSharpTealWriter

@AllezAllezPronto The poster DoctorDr said she was a psychiatrist.

I am a teacher. And have several family members diagnosed as ADHD. None of whom were diagnosed by psychiatrists or psychologists. An ADHD diagnosis has to be made by a medical doctor.

Please quote where I said I was either a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Or you could try reading what was actually written, rather than making an assumption based on skim reading. A bit less pronto and a bit more meticulousness might help.

There is a lot of good advice on this thread and a lot of ignorance as well. The people with relevant life experience are tbe ones you need to listen to OP.

ADHD and Autism are not in themselves 'mental health' problems though a lot of ND people have MH issues.

My child is 20 and is AuDHD. I,'ve been told that they are "dopamine seekers", in that they do things to get the dopamine hit as their levels are low. In my child's case it's shopping amonst other things.

It's up to you whether he lives with you and I can see why you prefer having him living at home. You should establish more boundaries around his behaviour if he wants to continue living at home.

The pranking people is idiotic and is goimg to end badly. I don't have the answer but I do have an understanding of that type of youmg person.
As a PP said, could the mate's parents hrlp?

Ah that’s really kind thank you I appreciate that. Do you really think I’m over reacting? Going by most other posts I seem to be under reacting 🤔

If he gets arrested some day for impersonating an officer....Don't bail him out of jail. Let him suffer the consequences. I'd be really afraid that he'll get himself unalived some day by playing these games.

Sorry, incorrect. Both a medical doctor and a psychiatrist can diagnose and prescribe. Understand you say you have experience via family members but many individuals can diagnose and prescribe as long as they have the correct prerequisites.

I would be concerned that one day someone he's punked will show up at my house and put us all in danger. I would ask him to move out if he's going to keep doing dangerous things.

My ex did this, but in his 50's.
When he was arrested and released on bail he made a serious attempt on his life.
.
I don't know what possessed him but he had been fascinated by a friend who was a cop and I guess was feeling a bit lost after being made redundant.

I'm not sure I have any advice but wanted you to realise how serious this is.

I am also concerned that you seem to be treating his behaviors as lovable quirks and not the escalating violent criminal behaviors that may bring criminals and bad people to your door. And get himself and maybe loved ones unalived.......

I was explicitly told it had to be a medical doctor. Having just looked it up, it seems that consultant psychiatrists (not psychologists) CAN diagnose and medicate in addition to medical doctors.

Others CAN diagnose but cannot prescribe for it. Which would account for all the Right to Choose companies jumping on the band wagon, but being able to medicate once they've made a diagnosis.

Impersonating a police officer does not make him "fun", just the flashing blue lights are illegal- the first time he stops someone who doesn't think it's hilarious and isn't drunk will report him and he will be arrested- it's only a matter of time. With that in mind I think you had better impress upon him that he needs to stop acting like an idiot, being moralistic, paying his way and having a brilliant girlfriend will not stop him going to prison- you have to make him see that.

@Slightyamusedandsilly Oh dear, I've been told off well and truly by you wearing a teacher hat!

Come on- it was simple question. No need to fly off the handle. This is a forum, not a GCSE comp paper. No need to be nasty.

The op has said he is only been at this job for 2 months. he has had 8 different jobs because he gets fired or quits

For example he saw someone mistreating a dog on a walk and gave them a right bollocking

I like him already. Shame there aren't more people doing this and then that tiny Chi might not have drowned after being chucked in the lake by some moronic reprobates, last week.

And no, I haven't RTFT, and I'm not going to either.

Im sorry I agree with @AllezAllezPronto the way you wrote it made it look like you were a psychiatrist

And wtf is a medical doctor????

I also think this is way beyond ADHD and he is possibly very mentally ill. Very intelligent successful people can also be mentally ill.....not even uncommon. John Nash anyone?

He could kill someone - he’s not trained in pursuit driving and is very likely eventually to cause an accident. That’s horrendous. Think about that.

Pursuit driving 😂 he’s pulling people over with a blue light from a you tube video

And what happens if one of them speeds off? Doesn’t sound like he’d say “oh well, next one then” does it?

He sounds like an absolute dick either way. Not dim. Just awful.