Half cringing. Half admiring. Turning up at wedding after being uninvited.

[SlothsRUs]

We were at a wedding yesterday and we’re still at the hotel.

Husband had been out with a friend a few weeks ago and she had told him that the groom’s brother had stepped down from being best man as his stepson had not been invited.

I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive

It then emerged that he had tried to stop his own son from going but child’s mother and rest of family stepped in.

Yesterday came along and there is groom’s brother, wife and stepson sitting at back of church in casual clothes.

They then stood at entrance to churchyard at which point mother of groom saw him and started crying Family and friends including my DH shook hands.

We check in to hotel and come down and nephew is being comforted by the ushers

Brother of groom, wife and stepchild had come to hotel as well, where they stayed in the entrance for four hours.

He claimed he just wanted to be on the periphery of his brother’s big day.

I was half cringing and half admiring. I wanted to curtsy for his sheer chutzpah.

No one is talking about anything else.

They are bullies, plain and simple.

This is why many couples elope.

How old was the step son when the brother got with the mum?

I really don’t hold with all this expectation that randomers should be treated as royalty by every other family member.

It’s not up to anyone to force step relatives on anyone else.
Sounds like the groom is close to his nephew. Maybe he feels sorry for him. Maybe he disagrees with how the nephew has been treated. Maybe the groom is just unpleasant, who knows. But turning up like that is vile behaviour and uncalled for.

What does this sentence mean in your opening post?

"I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive"

Not entirely sure I have understood this correctly but if a step son or whatever isn't invited and you think they should be, you have a choice to attend (and accept that the step son hasn't been invited) or not (stay away in solidarity with step son). Really those are the only two choices. Anything else is just self indulgent and attention seeking and personally I wouldn't give them any attention for hanging around outside the event making it about them, even if I agreed wholeheartedly with their original grievances. It's just bad behaviour and speaks of someone who can't accept that others have different viewpoints from their own. (It's Okay if someone disagrees with me on this!)

It sounds as though OP was forcing her child onto her Hs family.

Basically I think the groom's brother is his son and the nephew is the stepson of the groom who wasn't invited but did step down, and when the son of the stepson (twice removed) started crying it all clicked into place.

How would it ruin it?

And people can stand in public places

They are awful people. At least the bride has a very clear idea what these new in laws are like.

Actually I think you and also everyone in this situation, except maybe the 12 year old, are overdramatic and need to learn some restraint.

OP’s own DC have said she ruined their childhood by not allowing them to have a relationship with their father’s family, because they would not treat her elder daughter from a previous relationship exactly the same. OP’s DC ended up meeting up with them and recieving money from them in secret, that was another issue, as well as the lack of wedding invite for the eldest and her two DC, who the nephew had no relationship with whatsoever.

The usual shitshow in these cases; eldest’s father is not around and it was assumed new partner’s family would stand in.

Why did your DH involve himself in this drama? You said he shook hands with the brother. Does he know groom and the brother well?

Reading your op I think it is fine for steps to not be invited. Perhaps there was an age cut-off? I thought it was ok to turn up to church, but perhaps brother should have gone on his own. I thought casual clothing was fine, messaging clearly I am not an official part of this wedding. But going to the reception location. Just wrong.

Utterly ridiculous.

Thank you for explaining 🙂

What a terrible position both kids were put in. Brother didn't do his step-son any favours at all by his actions. If he thought he was being a protective step-dad, he was very much mistaken.

Yes!
Weddings have become silly in recent years - and hurtful to some people.

So much drama and lack of grace all round.
While lurking at the hotel was weird and definitely not good, anyone who wants to can come to a church wedding whether they’re invited to the other celebrations or not - they’re public not private events. At my own there were various people who’d known me as a kid, people who went to that church who I didn’t really know but who enjoyed a wedding etc. Well, maybe those were all attending with nothing but good intentions and the groom’s brother wasn’t, but wouldn’t it have been better all round if his mother had welcomed them all to that public part of the proceedings rather than crying?

That poor nephew. What a way to show that your new family takes precedence over you.
awful behaviour.

Nothing to admire. Ex best man made his stance by stepping down and not attending wedding.

He was a total dick to turn up with his wife and step son and hanging around all day at the venue. Sounds like total narcissist.

I can see why he was uninvited.

This man has put his annoyance of no step child invite above the feelings of his biological child.

His child was crying and he could have made that right by leaving, but didn’t. What an arsehole.

The poor nephew.

What a sad situation.

Who is in the wrong here?
If the groom's brother is living in a blended family and an established active step-parent to his step-son then it's a shame that step-son wasn't invited (assuming other family children were there).
However if it is a less established group and/or very restricted children only over the age of 12 or whatever, then it seems as if groom's brother has prioritised feelings of step-son over feelings of his son, brother and mum.

Attending the church wedding ceremony and sitting discretely at the back seems fine.

Hanging out in the hotel reception area for 4 hours and observing mum and son be reduced to tears seems to be putting yourself smack bang central focus point of the day to make a point.

Why would any of us admire this absolute nonsense from a bunch of adults who should know better?
(Although, of course, anyone can legally attend any marriage service - it currently has to be in a public place).

It is horrendous behaviour, I don't understand why the vote is so close or the other posters are celebrating it.

That's because a stepchild is involved, and unfortunately Mumsnet is full of women dreading the day they hear the words 'I've met someone'. It is that simple.

All sound petty and odd.

Loads of egos out of control.

Let them... as Mel Robbins would say - just let them and get on with your own life. The best revenge is being happier without them!

Attending the ceremony in appropriate attire would have been a bold, but acceptable move. It would have shown that being there for his brother was important. Showing up in casual clothing and then hanging around the reception was a tantrum designed to disrupt the wedding.

Instead of showing up to the ceremony and being the bigger person, he turned himself into the villain.