Half cringing. Half admiring. Turning up at wedding after being uninvited.

[SlothsRUs]

We were at a wedding yesterday and we’re still at the hotel.

Husband had been out with a friend a few weeks ago and she had told him that the groom’s brother had stepped down from being best man as his stepson had not been invited.

I was delighted at this as when same thing happened to us my husband wasn’t supportive

It then emerged that he had tried to stop his own son from going but child’s mother and rest of family stepped in.

Yesterday came along and there is groom’s brother, wife and stepson sitting at back of church in casual clothes.

They then stood at entrance to churchyard at which point mother of groom saw him and started crying Family and friends including my DH shook hands.

We check in to hotel and come down and nephew is being comforted by the ushers

Brother of groom, wife and stepchild had come to hotel as well, where they stayed in the entrance for four hours.

He claimed he just wanted to be on the periphery of his brother’s big day.

I was half cringing and half admiring. I wanted to curtsy for his sheer chutzpah.

No one is talking about anything else.

Quite a messed up scenario.
There are often posts like this, though.
If a step-child is treated just like a person's own child in an established relationship then they are family and should be treated equally and invited.

Hey, old thread friend! 🙂

That makes sense I’d forgotten there must be a mother! Was the new wife invited I wonder it was it just the „original“ family ie one mum one dad and one child?

Have you met many rough people?!

How terrible that all those people were not simply - invited.

Good on the brother for taking a stand and bringing his family with whom he lives.
The best man is usually welcome to bring his family.
I would never have had the balls.

Theres tons pf posts where an op complains about who hasnt been invited to weddings and moaning about it. The response is usually that the B&G have the right to invite whoever they want. If people dont agree with it then obviously voice it but to turn up on the day to sabotage the day by just hanging around the event, surely you dont think thats the right way to address this? Probably the mum of stepson guiding this. Its usually the case.

Anyone can turn up to a wedding in a church and they can't be prevented from doing so. Sitting at the back in these circumstances was the correct thing to do. The other stuff, though? No, that was out of order.

Unlikely- the step brother is not a blood relation, which seems to be the sticking point. op said the nephew they accepts mother did not attend.

to be clear the correct manners was for the brother to attend the public wedding to show support for both his brother and his sons,

the weddng party chose to create a scene and cause havoc at their own wedding,.

Even they had no idea how to behave in public and even if they had no clue the brother was doing the correct thing .

Causing a scene they knew would distress the nephew they do accept was way out of line.

Especially when they knew the father wanted to spare his son their drama. After they did not spare him and the mother was not there it makes sense the father would follow.

Knowing the father wanted to keep him safe is the sort of thing the nephew will understand when he is older, even if it is never mentioned again... and if he ever picks up the most basic wedding manners he will know his dad did the right thing about that, also. If I was the mother I would be furious with the wedding party.

It was not the father attending that caused the son to cry, it was the cruel reaction of the wedding party.

Huh?

I wonder if dad has a tendency to put stepchild before his own son. Perhaps son would have liked to have had the day just him and his dad?

Yes, I'm wondering the back story as well. Did the brother's Ex wife bring Brother's son to the wedding?

So, without knowing all the ins and outs of the story, in general, I think it was unkind to not invite the Brother's stepson if other family children were invited. Unless something egregious had happened involving the stepson....I feel it's just mean and unnecessary to exclude him. I would have invited him If I were the bride. That said, The brother was wrong to basically crash he reception. Sitting in the lobby of the venue consuming appetizer food is still attending the reception. That was bad.

Families are just awful and weddings and wills are when they are at their worst!

Step kids/brothers/sisters/grandkids are family. When a marriage happens, everyone becomes family.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is just mad.

Glad they went.

I mean it’s not something I would have done, if I stepped down I wouldn’t show up. But I admire the best man for standing by his step son. If the groom had just done the decent thing and invited him, the whole charade could have been avoided.

Bride and groom can invite who the fuck they want to THEIR wedding that THEY are paying for!!!

There will be a massive backstory that will show the grooms brother to be an entitled arsehole that this is only the tip of the iceberg of his behaviour! Guarantee it!! This kind of thing doesn’t come out of nowhere and turning up to a wedding you aren’t invited to and then staying there intimidating and trying to ruin someone’s wedding!! Doesn’t matter what you feel about not being invited you don’t do that!!! I hope the bride and groom sue the brother and his entitled wife and claim a new wedding from them!

Good on the brother for ruining someone else’s wedding day???? OMG what is wrong with you? 😳

Has anyone considered that the stepson might be a complete nightmare and his mother might have used “gentle parenting” as an excuse not to teach him any manners etc? He might have ruined many a family get together and thrown food, stuck his hand in cakes etc and the entire reason they didn’t invite him is because he’s a little shit who isn’t parented and gets away with appalling behaviour???!!!

Even if we all accept the premise that the stepson was unjustly excluded from this wedding it's still batshit for them to turn up to the reception and hover around outside eating toasties.

THIS!!!!!!!!

I can completely relate to the groom’s brothers pain and I do think it’s unjustified excluding the stepson. By doing so the groom has set a precedent and boundary that the family can be divided. However no matter how unjustified the decision is the bride and groom have a right to invite who they like. And the grooms brother has a right to decide whether to turn up. My own brother excluded both of my children from the wedding (one SEN). I decided that although I completely disagreed with his decision as did the rest of my family I would still attend but my husband didn’t who looked after our children. My brother was offended by this and I was and am offended by his decision so in reality our relationship went down hill from there and has never recovered. I think if you make decisions to split close family on special occasions you reap the consequences.

i think think the brother attending wasn’t right and I don’t quite understand why he let his son still go that makes no sense to me. I suppose the saying ‘you can choose your friends but not your family.’ Is quite apt here!

Quite.

Haven't RTWT, ans this might have been mentioned, but nobody can be stopped from attending a wedding. The door must be kept open during the ceremony for anyone to object.

But it doesn't mean you shouldn't.

He really sounds like one of these pathetic wankers you hear about who ditch their previous family and do whatever they can to please whoever is on the end of their dick. To try to prevent his own son from attending a big family event bc his wife’s son (who probably has zero relationship or prior interaction with the B&G) says where his priorities are - and it’s not his own son’s happiness.