Inset day plans… who is unreasonable here?

[OneDenimSquid]

Would appreciate views on who might be being unreasonable here…

Two children have inset day next Friday. One parent suggested an overnight stay somewhere (abroad - had been looking at half term but flights were cheaper for next Friday as term time). Other parent says they can’t really go next week because they have a work project they need to complete and planned to do so Friday and Saturday, but could maybe go half term. Parent one made some suggestions for half term although options a lot more limited and more expensive. Parent two asked how the trip was being funded. Parent one didn’t really respond as got the impression parent two doesn’t want to contribute, and is now planning to go next week on their own with kids. Parent two is annoyed that parent one would go without them.

Who is in the wrong here?

Except the planes only fly when people are on them, and if they are full they put on more flights. So more emissions etc.

I had a McStroke reading that!

it's selfish for any parent no to consider the kids first.

you don't leave kids at home being bored doing nothing because one parent has work commitments, how ridiculous.

Generally, you don't fly away for a short break on an inset day!

Surely this, it's a win-win? Unless it is more of an "event" trip like eg. Disney where perhaps both parents would want to be there for the kids... Do a whole family trip another time.

Since when?

When inset day is a Wednesday, not really
When they are around a weekend, you do?

Monday inset days are especially great for overnight stays, Sunday nights hotels are cheaper generally

We are different in the sense one loves travelling more and a bit more “yolo”, whereas the other is a bit more sensible and “just because we can, doesn’t mean we should” about things and doesn’t get the extreme day trip concept. I do get what you’re all saying about communication although the summary of the conversation is very basic as I didn’t think anyone would be interested in a full transcript, but there was no argument etc. The summary does make the conversation sound worse than it actually was. And parent 1 was always looking after the children on the inset day. The whole idea was based around the chance of getting cheap flights on that day. It probably won’t happen in half term as costs of everything is a lot higher so defeating the object of a cheap trip when we’ve already been away three times this year AS A FAMILY. Hence parent 2’s “do we really need this trip” sort of outlook which parent 1 does agree with hence them going back to the “cheap” overnight stay next week. Parent 2 also isn’t withholding funds as punishment etc for not going, parent 1 feels if they are the one wanting the trip they are happy to cover.

It is quite funny though how many people are quick to call people weird/odd/ridiculous/wild etc because their families/relationships do things differently 🤷‍♀️

I tried to say parent 1 and parent 2 as much as possible just to confuse you coconut - ChatGPT told me to

The thing is you don’t need any of the trips.

Generally, you don't fly away for a short break on an inset day!
Things may have changed since my kids were at school but Inset days were always on a monday.
I could have all the boys stuff packed and ready to go, pick them up from school at 2:55hrs snd be st the airport for 17:30 or in our camper van heading to Scotland by 15:30 to beat the worse part of rush hour

Well no obviously not but you could say that about 90% of things we do/have…

Exactly so why is night away any different?

No idea who is right or wrong. I would like a trip away with my kids but I would also quite like a weekend at home alone. It’s win win really.

Sorry I actually don’t know what you mean…

Welcome to the club.

I'm part of the YOLO tribe, so I'd say take the flight. But then I'm taking mine to Sweden for 36 hours next month on a random inset day. Plus I'm a single parent, so the only thing that stops me is flight times 😂

Rightio!

Life happens and parents don't always go together. They're not conjoined twins. If I was working and we couldn't comfortably afford to go during half term, why would I make everyone miserable and make them stay at home? Kids are the priority, not parents having fun. One parent can't go, the other one is taking the kids on a trip. It's not a lad weekend, parent 1 will have plenty of responsibility on that trip handling the kids alone and organising everything. Also it's very clear that you're parent 1 because no man would suggest taking kids alone on a trip, they need their wives with them to avoid responsibility 😂

I hope the children are more grown than 'parent one' and 'parent two'.

I take my DS away overnight while my DH is working or using the weekend to recover from work quite often, so I think Parent 1 isn't unreasonable to suggest doing that to use the inset day - however I only do UK trips to things aimed at DS, I wouldn't go abroad without my DH for something like that, so in that sense I think Parent 2 isn't unreasonable to object that they would be missing out.

@OneDenimSquid did you do the big reveal?

No, of course parents can take children away on their own. Dh took ours away to a specific place every year for the weekend until they outgrew wanting to go.

I didn't want to go, don't see why I should stop them enjoying their trip because I wasn't joined at the hip to my husband

No why is it selfish. It will leave parent two to have peace and quiet to finish the work project and a bit of time on their own to chill when they’ve done it, having worked half of their weekend.

Which is how most people feel about your post.

Use anonymised unisex names. Assigning numbers makes it very difficult for most people to follow a story like this.

All of the extra details aside (because following who has done what or thinks what has been made unnecessarily hard work by the OP)

The basics that I follow are one person has to work while the other wants to go on go holiday with the kids. Whether I was the one wanting the holiday or the one working I would see this as the working person missing out.

Fairly obvious.

If I take my kids on holiday abroad without my spouse then yes he’s missing out on a family holiday abroad. Obviously.

If my partner wanted to do it then yes he’s having a holiday with all the family abroad while I miss out. Obviously.

If we have so much money that trips abroad are nothing then it wouldn’t matter as it would be like saying you missed a family trip to the park. Not an issue as we can go anytime and will probably go the next week or the week after.

Most people don’t have this much money. I’m assuming you’re one of them.

Is it maybe that Parent 2 (the one who is working) has maybe been disinterested or disengaged from family time/holiday planning in the past? And for that reason Parent 1 has reacted to past emotions and as soon as Parent 2 hasn't seemed super enthusiastic about going away at half-term they have felt hurt and frustrated and maybe jumped the gun on deciding to go by themselves? On the surface Parent 2 saying things like "erm the inset day doesn't really work for me because of work. Half term is a possibility, but can we talk about the money" doesn't seem unreasonable or controlling. But I can understand that Parent 1 might take it as them being disinterested and looking for excuses if it's part of a bigger pattern, and might feel hurt.

I agree that it doesn't seem crazy for one parent to take the kids away if that's the only option, and everyone is onboard with it. But it doesn't sound like that is what is happening. Half-term was/is still an option, and Parent 2 hasn't said they definitely don't want to go. Maybe Parent 1 just needs to answer the money question and ask Parent 2 if they would mind staying home alone.