Inset day plans… who is unreasonable here?

[OneDenimSquid]

Would appreciate views on who might be being unreasonable here…

Two children have inset day next Friday. One parent suggested an overnight stay somewhere (abroad - had been looking at half term but flights were cheaper for next Friday as term time). Other parent says they can’t really go next week because they have a work project they need to complete and planned to do so Friday and Saturday, but could maybe go half term. Parent one made some suggestions for half term although options a lot more limited and more expensive. Parent two asked how the trip was being funded. Parent one didn’t really respond as got the impression parent two doesn’t want to contribute, and is now planning to go next week on their own with kids. Parent two is annoyed that parent one would go without them.

Who is in the wrong here?

The parent who wants to go on the trip should just go with the kids and fund it however they fund extra treats for themselves

It will be fun and not unfair if the other parent has to work. But I also think its a nice, extravagance so I don't think parent 2 should be expected to fund it when parent 1 could choose to do something cheaper.

"Parent 1" is BU here. You were going to work on Friday and Saturday anyway, so at least let the others do something fun.

Re: finances, who cares about who contributes. You're a family. Next time Parent 1 can go away.

Both are unreasonable for not sitting down and having a mature adult conversation about the cost and funding of the holiday.

We wouldn't like one big pot even though we are married

We both contribute to bills proportionally, have a joint contingency fund and then whats left is left for our own personal use

This is both of our preference and works well for us. Certainly doesn't stop us living as a family

You've done a decent job of your anonymisation op seeing as I was going to say you must be parent one but plenty are saying you're parent two!

It's fine for parent 1 to take the kids on their own while parent 2 works. Then parent 2 can do something else fun in half term. Not sure about the funding question as we just share finances.

Lovely for parent 1 to want to take the children somewhere while parent 2 works. If parent 2 really wants to come then yes arrange it in the holidays. Parent 2 was wrong to ask about how it’s being funded as a family trip should come out of joint funds (regardless of wether one or both parents go) it reads like parent 1 was doing the leg work of finding holidays and parent 2 was being dismissive and putting blocks up. In that instance I would also assume parent 2 didn’t want to go and would plan accordingly.

I think if, for example, there was chat of going to Paris over midterm and my co parents suggested going to Normandy for a long weekend instead without me when I had to work, I would be miffed. If I’m reading it right this is an instead of not as well as. I don’t think taking our kids out of the country is something either of us would do without the others buy in. In that situation I think I would maybe look to take them away more locally and try and go ahead with mid term plan or save that for another time.

but agree with others this sounds like relationship. Vi strained and communication v poor.

Neither parent is communicating well.

A holiday with kids isn't really a holiday for the parent. Its bloody hard work. If one needs to work and the other wants to do the trip it sounds like a win win all round. The working parent gets peace to get on with it and the holiday one gets a trip that they seem excited about. I think there is more going on than this trip what with the proportional contribution so one person is more skint than the other in the relationship and the word selfish being throw around. Sounds like resentment is present which realistically is a relationship killer.

The parent taking the DC away alone is a hero and the parent who gets to stay at home in the peace of a quiet house is unreasonable to complain.

Going abroad for inset day? I thought you meant a day out or something? I’ve never heard of anyone doing this it sounds a bit extreme for an inset day!!

Does parent 2 want to be involved in the trip, just at a time when they can actually take the time off?
Which parent has the lower income, and does this influence their choice of timing? For example, is parent 1 pushing next week because they can afford those prices but not half term?
Will parent 2 contribute to the cost of taking the children away without them? I'd they are the lower earner, is that an issue?

If parent 2 said they’d be working across a Friday & Saturday when I, as parent 1, had had a flash of inspiration to take the kids away for those 2 days, I’d feel like I was kind of doing them a favour - solving the “who covers inset day” issue as well as keeping the kids out of their hair so they can get some work done.

Very true, it shouldn't have got to this. The children have a long weekend on these dates, shall we go away?

At first I thought the post was referring to two families, one parent from each family.

I personally would be miffed if my husband suddenly decided to take the kids abroad for a long weekend knowing I had to work.
I know plenty of people say they will take kids away on their own, but surely that is based on previous discussions. I have a friend who does this as her holiday entitlement is more than her husband's but even then if she does take the children away overnight it's in the UK.

Depends what “abroad” is. Getting an early Eurostar to northern France/Paris or a couple of hours flight to a European capital for 2 days/one night wouldn’t be completely unreasonable. 7 hours to Dubai and back, I’d probably baulk at.

No, not at all. Allows parent 2 to concentrate on their work thing. Teachers do stuff with their kids in school holidays leaving a spouse with a normal job to carry on working. They have to. What's the alternative? Should they say you can't enjoy anything without me in your school holidays unless I can join in? Of course not. I've buggered off to a caravan in the UK with 5 kids while OH works. I wouldn't see that as me enjoying a break with my feet up!! Its a lot, taking them away on your own. Parent 1 might deserve a pat on the back for managing it! And parent 2 gets to focus on their work thing in peace so hopefully will have the good grace to be grateful.

I think it's nice for parent 1 to take the DCs away. Parent 2 can get on with their project in peace and can enjoy a childfree weekend.

If someone suggested to me a trip on the Eurostar on inset day I’d think that was preety randome to be honest and expensive - people might not have that sort of money kicking about.

Are Parent 1 & 2 fully functioning adults or highly pubescent teenagers?

Parent 2 either needs to thank parent 1 for sorting out inset day, and taking the kids away so they can work in peace over the weekend. OR pull their finger out, catch up on work this weekend, and go away with the others.

@OneDenimSquidits clear as day you’re parent 2

I think its nicer to wait for everyone to go together as a family- so in the half term. Perhaps parent one can just go somewhere closer for one night in the uk