Inset day plans… who is unreasonable here?

[OneDenimSquid]

Would appreciate views on who might be being unreasonable here…

Two children have inset day next Friday. One parent suggested an overnight stay somewhere (abroad - had been looking at half term but flights were cheaper for next Friday as term time). Other parent says they can’t really go next week because they have a work project they need to complete and planned to do so Friday and Saturday, but could maybe go half term. Parent one made some suggestions for half term although options a lot more limited and more expensive. Parent two asked how the trip was being funded. Parent one didn’t really respond as got the impression parent two doesn’t want to contribute, and is now planning to go next week on their own with kids. Parent two is annoyed that parent one would go without them.

Who is in the wrong here?

I am going to come from a completely different angle.
Why if you have been away more than once already this year are you going another foreign trip? Impact of flights on global warming, risk of delays and cancellations, amount of weekend spent in airports.
Why not give the kids a chill day, or go to an activity which is cheaper on a weekday, or see if parent 2 can spare a couple of hours to go for lunch.
If there is not enough money in the joint pot for this holiday then it is another reason not to go. Should not be coming from one parents me money.

Terrible communication.

Normal approach would be:
• Parent 2 declines inset day trip because of work. That’s fine of course.
• Parent 1 proposes half term trip.
• Parent 1 responds to queries about funding and they discuss together what they can afford.
• If Parent 2 doesn’t engage with attempts to find a solution, that is unreasonable (unless they have good reason not disclosed here).
• Parent 1 should then say they are thinking of going without Parent 2 if Parent 2 not bothered. But that should be a discussion, not a fait accompli. Parent 1 should not go ahead and book.
• If Parent 2 okay with Parent 1 and kids going without them, book. If not okay, then should find another time to go away with everyone, as a family.

And then you immediately let on that you're parent two by suggesting parent one is being selfish. It's much harder to follow with this parent one and two stuff. Next time just post the issue normally.

FFS, just talk to each

Is it? Oh, I thought they were taking advantage of a long weekend.

This is far too reasonable for MN

Does parent 2 hold the money issue over parent 1 on other family activities as well?

Parent 2 could just pull their finger out and get the work done another time, stop being a martyr and just pay for a holiday for their kids whether they are there or not.

I may have got it wrong, the OP mentioned a short flight and something about one day in one of their updated. TBH some parts of the thread are confusing to follow.

Yes sorry everyone, I know people don’t like the “parent 1” “parent 2” thing but it has provided me with insight I don’t think I would have got otherwise (as I said if I was openly one parent my answer to all questions would be from that perspective”).

Also of course you don’t have to reply if you hate the concept that much 😂

I wasn’t expecting people to all support my perspective, it is the other perspectives and in fact the “actually no, nobody is in the wrong” that have been helpful. So thank you everyone!

True - I thought the DC had the Friday off, so one parent thought they could tack it on to the weekend. Could be wrong, actually because she does say "overnight".
You may be right.

Totally agree with this.

God i couldnt agree more. Who cares about bias etc. We dont know anyone involved!

Only parent one knows whoever that may be.

Work on communication, though - that's good advice!

I have no idea! Confused 😕

Completely agree. I like going away as a family

Is the trip happening?

I didn’t mind the parent 1 and parent 2 scenario.

Now you’ve heard from many MNetters, can you now do the big reveal?

DH regularly has work commitments that prevent him from coming on little half term/last minute trips with me and the kids. Sometimes we take my mum or sometimes I take them alone. If anything I see it as the opposite of selfish, I'm giving him the house to himself to concentrate, he writes academic papers so the long spells of being completely uninterrupted are appreciated.

Either way I'm a SAHM so he's definitely paying. 😂 But all our money has always been joint regardless of working status so there's never been a discussion about who is paying for what, just a straightforward "can we afford it or not". He often joins us after a few days if he can but I've done the whole week without him previously.

This...and if parent 2 wants to they can do something special with the kids in half term.

Are you sure your children actually want to do this? If they only have a three day break, spending hours of it in airports or on planes sounds a crap way to spend the time.

That sounds both sensible and equitable! We've always just had one pot and shared money, regardless of who earns what. We're a family, not house mates.

Cant you just go to the seaside on a train

Where did they say this? Op seems to parent 1 as is the most enthusiastic about the idea.

I think if one parent has to work ( my DH is freelance on project based work so has to work when it’s in) it’s expected one does fun kids stuff alone. The time for a family trip is not this INSET day.

I thought Parents 1 and 2 were friends, didn’t realise this was a family group 😂

If one parent has a major work project to focus on for Friday and Saturday then the other parent taking the kids away would be helpful I’d have thought.