Inset day plans… who is unreasonable here?

[OneDenimSquid]

Would appreciate views on who might be being unreasonable here…

Two children have inset day next Friday. One parent suggested an overnight stay somewhere (abroad - had been looking at half term but flights were cheaper for next Friday as term time). Other parent says they can’t really go next week because they have a work project they need to complete and planned to do so Friday and Saturday, but could maybe go half term. Parent one made some suggestions for half term although options a lot more limited and more expensive. Parent two asked how the trip was being funded. Parent one didn’t really respond as got the impression parent two doesn’t want to contribute, and is now planning to go next week on their own with kids. Parent two is annoyed that parent one would go without them.

Who is in the wrong here?

I think this family needs to revisit their financial arrangements if there is this much angst over how a trip for the children is funded.

I've seen so many arguments caused and so many others avoided, by each person in a partnership having some of their own money.

The mistake is not the separate funds, it's not planning forward for holidays with the children and having that in the budget for the money in the joint account.

Op are you Glasgow, inset day Friday before the October week, so essentially schools are off for 6days?
So one parent wants to fly out on the Friday evening though the other parent can't get the Friday off?

Waiting until the Saturday the flights are much more expensive because holiday company bump the prices?

I think thats quite selfish actually. Surely a family holiday you want time together.

Why is it a concern of Parent 2 how Parent 1 is funding their trip? And why are they coordinating trips like this if one of them can’t attend?

Surely if you choose to go on holiday with another family, you only commit to dates that are mutually convenient. Just doesn’t make any sense

Yes, I agree - they're definitely not on the same page.

Parent one is unreasonable. Parent 2 asked a valid question, how was it to be funded? It didn’t allow Parent 1 to decide Parent 2 didn’t want to financially contribute so booked without them.

Parent 1 wanted to go next week, so it made sure they did.

Parent one is unreasonable. Parent 2 asked a valid question, how was it to be funded? It didn’t allow Parent 1 to decide Parent 2 didn’t want to financially contribute so booked without them.

Parent 1 wanted to go next week, so made sure they did.

Whoever is being tight with their money is being fucking horrible.

Fancy being "well I'm not paying for my own kids and spouse, the 3 people I love most on the ENTIRE PLANET to go and have lovely time of I can't go...."

Weird.

This all just sounds really disorganised tbh. We generally know how our leave is going to be split/shared and how things are working months in advance. We have mooted taking the kids away alone before but haven’t done it due to cost really.

If I was having to work a weekend, I’d be grateful that the other parent was sorting the kids and getting them out of my hair.

Surely everyone should go together

I thought you were talking about two separate families with a child each. Very confusing.

Anyway, it appears that you’re a couple with two children. My husband is self employed and if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t earn. So when my children were school age I took them here there and everywhere by myself because otherwise they wouldn’t have done anything!
If parent 2 is put out because they really want to go to the overnight city but clearly can’t because of work, why doesn’t parent 1 take them somewhere else instead and save the overnight city for when everyone can go? Or just go to the overnight city twice? Bonkers.

It wasn't a valid question. It was a power play to try and coerce the other parent into doing what they wanted and get the outcome they wanted.

I dont know how a lot of you stay in these relationships. They sound so fraught all the time.

Why though?

Do your family do absolutely everything together? Take the kids to the playground together, no parent left behind?.

You've never once taken child 1 out for tea and cake alone?

All go or noone goes. That's being a family.

Very confusing to read.

If one parent can’t go on the trip then it’s fine for other parent to take them

No.

😂😂😂

Do you go as a family to absolutely everything?
If your spouse can't get to the Christmas show at school, neither of you go?

You naturally all go to the kids swimming lessons every week.

And obviously when the child's brownies/cuns pack goes away for a weekend/school trip is organised .... your child obviously doesn't get to go.

Grandparents want to take kids to a theme park for the day, no , sorry kids can't go because one of the parents can't make it???

People are so fucking weird.

I wouldn't take ds away alone if we could just go the week after all together and could afford the extra cost. I would if DH was saying realistically I'm not going to be able to get a full weekend off until after half term , meaning no one would go.
. You don't sound like you communicate well as a couple

I think it's not so much about the trip, really.

You see these couples at kids parties and think why can’t they do something separately?

But I suspect OP family can afford to do both.

There's just a tight selfish sulker trying to stop them having both.

It just goes to show that people have very different ideas on this.

It's normal for us to do things separately with the kids. Of course our main holidays are as a family. One of the drivers for this is annual leave. We need to cover the school holidays, which is much harder if we take all our annual leave together. Neither of us would expect the other parent to stay at home because they were working.

We go to parties together sometimes although most are drop and leave these days. Today DS has a party at the rugby club, if DH wasn't working we'd both go, there will be loads of other parents there who we are both friends with, some are my friends, some DHs, some bothand we'd likely go to the nice pub round the corner for Sunday lunch after, why is that weird? We don't have any other DC so should one of us sit at home so as not to be perceived as weird by people like you?
I find it stranger that DS is nearly 8 and there are some of the dads I have never seen at a single party or school event, who live in the family home.

Thanks. I'm not weird. Obviously I do things without my husband. But holidays are not every day events and have always been for the benefit of the whole family.