AIBU to resent DH treating my work marathon event and long distance running in general casually?

[Gnrunningmummy]

NC for this as outing and I am aware this is a really stupid argument, but want to know if I AIBU to find this so irritating.

DH and I have had a disagreement this evening because I don’t want him to sign up to run a marathon at a running event hosted by my work next month. DH has not run long distances apart from one half marathon 7 years ago and I don’t want him essentially my job (I’m fairly senior) as some kind of personal joke to show how great he is / blowing up because he’s under estimated it and pushed himself too hard (he thinks he can do a sub 2h50 marathon, or without training 3.5 to 4 hours). There will only be about 50 people there and he doesn’t work in my industry (which is not fitness related) so really doesn’t need to be there, I plan to run the half marathon option.

I was especially annoyed about the work thing because when I ran the Great North Run a few weeks ago at exactly 1 year post partum, he spent the entire weekend going on and on about how he was going to sign up to run a full marathon (without training) two weeks later to try and get a good for age place for London. It was obvious he wasn’t going to do this - why not just enter then? (and I was right, he didn’t do it). In the end I told DH I found him constantly going on this was annoying when I was nervous about running a half marathon which I had trained for. Generally, DH often makes comments about how easy it would be to run a marathon but I have run London marathon twice (both time pre baby) and I think he has no appreciation of how hard it actually is (and not really comparable to a half).

For context DH has competed at high level for over 20 years, initially in rowing and more recently in cycling but is not a runner. He is a naturally gifted athlete but I think he has no appreciation of how difficult marathons can be for the majority of people and doesn’t respect the effort. I find it belittling and like he’s minimising my own efforts when he keeps going on about how easy it would be to just run a marathon. He was very supportive in the run up to the GNR with making sure I had time to train alone and without taking the baby in the running pram, but AIBU to find his attitude and comments immature / disrespectful / annoying / undermining / ridiculous / hurtful? He could put his money where his mouth is and run one and then if he wants to still say that - fine. But he has no experience to go off!

He just asked me how many km a marathon was 🤣

Hahaha he’s actually on another plant if he thinks an untrained marathon of 3.5-4 hours is equivalent to a sub-2:50 trained. DH (who runs regularly, and has a background in endurance sport, but hasn’t done more than 10km for a few months) could probably bash out a 3.15 tomorrow, but to lose another 30 minutes (and he’s a former sub-2:40 runner) he’d be looking at months of consistent training.

Amazing 🤣🤣🤣

This is not an argument worth having. He's being an idiot but you don't need to take it so personally. It's not a slight on you that he's an idiot. Perhaps encourage him to run a marathon without training. That might put an end to his nonsense.

I think his attitude would annoy me a lot, and it being a small event (50 people?), he has the potential to stick out and embarrass himself.

He should go for it 😁

Gosh, I would not want to be married to you. He supports you and this is how you react. It's about charity not your job

..So you are annoyed that he’s signing up to run a Marathon, because you found training for a half marathon difficult?

He was supportive with your training, and because he’s a more natural athlete this somehow means he’s minimising your achievements.

Maybe him wanting to run a Marathon is not about you, maybe he wants to challenge himself.

He sounds like a prick.

He ruined your excitement for the Great North Run by saying he can do better and run the London marathon (but never did).

And now he’s ruining your work event by signing up for an event that only 50 people are on.

Tell him it’s a work thing and you don’t want him there.

I definitely think he should go for it and do one - I just don’t want him to do it in front of my colleagues 😁 I would have preferred he did the bigger event he kept going on about but I guessed it was all talk.

There will probably only be 5-10 people running a full marathon and everyone else running shorter distances (in laps) so he would definitely have an audience!

Why not let him give it a go? He hasn't been unsupportive. The fact you've been able to run the London Marathon twice suggests he's been very supportive of your running. The term 'running widow' came about for a reason. It costs a lot to be the partner of someone who runs like that. While my DH is out training for hours, I don't get to just leave the kids at home and go and do things myself. I also give up time as a couple. At times the running has pissed me off as I've felt him more committed to time running than with me.

Let him give it a go and either he'll succeed, or fail and be more appreciative of what it takes. I don't think it will have any impact on your job as most people will just think 'good on him for giving it a go'.

I really don't think all that running is good for you anyway. Check out how it affects the heart health of marathon runners. Mine had to stop for this reason. He now drives to his cardiologist.

I think you are both at risk of becoming running bores. Those who brag about what they can achieve over long distances, with or without training properly, are high on my list of people to avoid in the pub, the latter more so than the former.

He’s not signing up though, that’s the point. I would be happy for him to run a marathon, I think he’d be great at it and get a seriously good time if he put his mind to it and trained and have encouraged him to give it a go for many years. I know full well he’s a more gifted athlete, I’ve had one of my lungs removed 🤣 and especially recently wasn’t able to do anything for many months under medical after a horrific birth.

i just find the constant banging on about how quick he would be and marathons aren’t that hard and he’ll just get carbon plated shoes really bloody annoying when he hasn’t done any long distance training and has no real idea! When he’s not actually ever signing up to put his money when helps mouth is. He’s been saying this for around 5 years

I think he's being an idiot. Let him.

You're married to him, you dont represent him. Let him sign up and run the marathon.

If he under estimated it and embarrassed himself, thats on him, not a reflection of you. He's your husband, not an extension of you.

Agree. Let him do it. He might surprise you. I don't think anyone is going to think he's embarrassed himself anyway. More likely they'll think 'good on him for giving it a go'.

I would just keep saying 'it'll be great to see you do it!' He didn't sign up for the last one. He probably won't sign up for this. He clearly wants to believe that he could do what you can do if he wanted to could be bothered.

I'd also consider taking up one of his interests and then talking lots about how easy you found it.

Exactly! unless he turns up in a full 3 piece suit and brogues; he is more likely to have people thinking good on him for trying!

Rather than reply to all the comments saying these individually:

• Work thing isn’t a charity event. Would be great if he ran a marathon for charity, I’ve found him spots for charity places that are meaningful to him for London etc before because he keeps saying he could do it (he hasn’t taken them up)
• Definitely happy for him to do one, just would prefer it’s not in front of my colleagues if he is going to push himself so hard without training! He can push himself to the absolute limit and my colleagues don’t need to see that :)
• He cycles which is a time consuming sport so isn’t like it’s all one sided. He’s said to me before it’s easier if I have a target too because then we know we have to make exercise opportunities equal between us eg rather than him going on his bike all weekend

Meant to quote!

Thank you, - this articulates how I feel well. I wouldn’t care if he actually did it but I don’t think extrapolating 5km parkrun times is comparable!

🤣🤣🤣

Ugh what a bore!!! It’s even worse because what he’s proposing (running a marathon next month) as a not frequent runner is actually dangerous! The first rule of the marathon is respect the distance. When you do 16 weeks of hard training- hours of running alone, in whatever weather, overcoming obstacles/life, keeping healthy, eating, fueling, sleeping- making sure you’re uninjured on race day, getting to stand on the start line is a privilege. Getting to finish is an honour that you earn.

I totally understand why you don’t want him to do this in front of your colleagues. It’s either embarrassing as he slogs it out or you’ll end up looking for him in the medical tent.

Would the element of competition entice him to the half with you?! Then you can show him what it’s all about!

Thanks - I’ve suggested he gives it a go before the event so he can compare times 😏

He doesn’t want to do the half marathon at my work event because it’s “too easy”. He thinks his (admittedly quick) parkrun times will mean the marathon will be a breeze 🙄

If he’s that stupid I’d be tempted to let him suffer. There’s no pain like mile 22 of a marathon and if he’s not trained it’s going to kick him before even halfway. Shame though as if he’s as athletic as you say and does lots of cycling, he’s probably got a cracking marathon time in him WITH appropriate training!!! Sounds like he doesn’t have the mental strength though 💁‍♀️

Has he trained his stomach to take gels etc….?! There’s potentially fun to be had there 😂