AIBU to resent DH treating my work marathon event and long distance running in general casually?

[Gnrunningmummy]

NC for this as outing and I am aware this is a really stupid argument, but want to know if I AIBU to find this so irritating.

DH and I have had a disagreement this evening because I don’t want him to sign up to run a marathon at a running event hosted by my work next month. DH has not run long distances apart from one half marathon 7 years ago and I don’t want him essentially my job (I’m fairly senior) as some kind of personal joke to show how great he is / blowing up because he’s under estimated it and pushed himself too hard (he thinks he can do a sub 2h50 marathon, or without training 3.5 to 4 hours). There will only be about 50 people there and he doesn’t work in my industry (which is not fitness related) so really doesn’t need to be there, I plan to run the half marathon option.

I was especially annoyed about the work thing because when I ran the Great North Run a few weeks ago at exactly 1 year post partum, he spent the entire weekend going on and on about how he was going to sign up to run a full marathon (without training) two weeks later to try and get a good for age place for London. It was obvious he wasn’t going to do this - why not just enter then? (and I was right, he didn’t do it). In the end I told DH I found him constantly going on this was annoying when I was nervous about running a half marathon which I had trained for. Generally, DH often makes comments about how easy it would be to run a marathon but I have run London marathon twice (both time pre baby) and I think he has no appreciation of how hard it actually is (and not really comparable to a half).

For context DH has competed at high level for over 20 years, initially in rowing and more recently in cycling but is not a runner. He is a naturally gifted athlete but I think he has no appreciation of how difficult marathons can be for the majority of people and doesn’t respect the effort. I find it belittling and like he’s minimising my own efforts when he keeps going on about how easy it would be to just run a marathon. He was very supportive in the run up to the GNR with making sure I had time to train alone and without taking the baby in the running pram, but AIBU to find his attitude and comments immature / disrespectful / annoying / undermining / ridiculous / hurtful? He could put his money where his mouth is and run one and then if he wants to still say that - fine. But he has no experience to go off!

Banging on about him being able to run a marathon with little effort on the weekend of you doing the GNR feels very much like he’s just trying to belittle your achievements.

I would switch tactics and encourage him to do it. . Mainly because he may finally shut up about it 🙂. If he does well, great. If he makes an idiot of himself that's on him. I have been surrounded by runners my whole life, the marathon is incredibly difficult, and you are right, a 5k time isn't of any consequence. But he may well discover that for himself.

I’d say to him he can’t run in the work event as you need him to look after the baby and cheer you on. He’ll find it hard to say he doesn’t want to do that surely??

Then to shut him up I’d feel very tempted to surprise him Christmas Day with a marathon entry as his gift. Say well you’ve been saying for so long you’ve wanted to do it, so i bet you’re thrilled i was able to sign you up to x marathon!

Firstly, ignore all the people on here who have clearly never run a marathon or understand the level of physical and emotional commitment it takes to go for a fast time. As for those talking about 'running bores', they are unable to make any contribution to this thread apart from their own reactions to their petty little office non-dramas.

Your husband is being annoying and baiting but perhaps feels inadequate in comparison to your achievements. I suggest you sign him up to an achievable event he has time to train for - Manchester marathon comes to mind as it's flat and fast, and being a Spring marathon he has time to put in the groundwork to realistically go for a sub-3 time.

Good luck to you both.

Agree with all of this. I’ve done London once and training was so hard. A half marathon on the other hand is a much more do-able distance being a smidge over a 10 miler. A completely different mindset and impact on your body.

My friend did London 3 years before I did and explained the run on the day as the celebration of all the effort to get there and treat it like that. Really good advice and it helped in the last 3 killer miles.

You could also just say that’s nice dear, let him crack on and see what natural consequences arise.

I can't imagine what sort of work event it is that unless he decided to strip half way round that it would be embarrassing for you? He either does it or he doesn't, but the idea that work colleagues would be saying "how embarrassing for Gnrunningmummy that her DH didn't complete the marathon" is bizarre

I think a company having such an event unless there is a wheelchair option and one for those with limited or no sight is not something I would support.

Even if I did, I agree with the OP.

I don't understand.. you find it annoying that he talks about running but doesn't do it. This is fair enough. But now he wants to do one and you are annoyed again. I don't get why? Because his running isn't good enough for a partner of yours? Or because you don't want him to hang out with your colleagues. I genuinely don't understand the issue, it's a non competitive event surely anyone can run. Why would it be embarrassing for anyone?

Really? What do you talk about 'in the pub'?
I like a variety of conversation and enjoy listening to people who set goals and go for them.

He sounds very annoying @Gnrunningmummy running is your one thing and he can't just let you have it. I would encourage him to do your work thing though, I'll bet as soon as you start encouraging him, he will start with excuses. Call it a hunch 😁

Good on you both for supporting each other practically though. You can spot the posters who are seething that they don't get any time for themselves.

I think he’s jealous of your achievements and likes to put you down.

He doesn’t actually WANT to run a marathon. Because it’s a lot of work. But mostly because then you would be able to compare your time directly with his, via age grading. And he knows your result would be better.

So it’s easier just for him to bang on about how easy it is and how well he would do [ compared to you ].

BTW he’s not “ supporting you “ by looking after his own child at weekends . It’s called parenting.

He sounds like a bit of a tosser, I hope for your sake that he’s got some other redeeming qualities.

I agree. How you feel about the challenge of a marathon is up there with competitive cycling. I’m sure he’s talked about “the suffering” which is, to be honest, celebrated!

It does sound annoying OP, but I also like his enthusiasm!

but wouldn’t it just be easier and happier for everyone if you got divorced if you hated your spouse this much?

Came on to say this. To be honest (and I don’t often say this) I think the OP is the one being a tiny bit of a running bore. It sounds like he does support her having time to train (last bullet point of her previous post), it sounds like he’s currently fit from lots of cycling, and if he used to row competitively at a high level he definitely knows how hard things can be. Rowing is over comparatively far shorter distances so there’s obviously a different type of fitness and training for more endurance type events but sounds like that’s covered by the cycling. Playing devil’s advocate is his assertion that he’s going to sign up for the OP’s work marathon not him actually trying to support her professionally as well as in sports?! (Even if done so in a slightly cack-handed, overly confident way).

My friends husband is also a gifted athlete, an England level (world class) and known name. He was going to do a marathon and weirdly didn’t train that much - he’s an athlete, how hard can it be.

He DNF

Having run marathons (and not gifted), I think the emergence of ultras make people think running a marathon is easy. They don’t give it the respect it is due. I’d place money on your DH being in a fucking mess or an ambulance.

Cycling does not prepare you for running

Tell him if it’s so easy, why don’t you work out a marathon length run from your house, tell him to start running and you’ll pick him up when he is finished.

Indeed, lots of people are walking straight past the bit where the OP says he's been a competitive rower/cyclist for 20 years. Those sports are no joke at all. Yes a sub-4 marathon would be a big ask for a typical puffing lardarse man who doesn't do enough exercise. But if he's already fit as a butcher's dog then, annoying as it may be, it's not particularly unrealistic. Quite a few male rowers from my old club had a go at the local marathon over the years and got round in sub-4. To me this seems a golden opportunity for him to put his money where his mouth is. If he fails he'll hopefully shut up about it, if he doesn't then you have to give credit where it's due.

It's actually really rude and insensitive of him to belittle your achievements like this when you are a) female and b) only have one lung!! He should be celebrating you.

what a load of cobblers. a one year old in a buggy, pushed by Dad doing a marathon, is he planning on wearing the rhino suit too?

I think it's fair that you have first dibs on the work event as it is your work event, so make sure he knows he needs to sort out childcare if he plans to participate. If he wants to run the race with your kid, let him. Yes, it will be a disaster. Maybe suggest he attempts a half by himself with the pram and little one first, to get a feel for how feasible it is (my guess is absolutely not 😂).

I do get worrying about him embarrassing himself in front of all your colleagues, but I don't think anyone will hold it against you even if he makes a total spectacle of himself.

Is arguing with him about it seeming to make him more entrenched? Just focus on your training and leave him to it and don't engage. "Uh-huh, yeah, sure, sounds great, yep, I'm sure you will", etc.

Can you get him to go a timed, long distance run one weekend to prove he can, and if he can, then let him enter. It might just show him that he needs a different set of muscles/fitness. Maybe triathlon would be good for him?

There are a few issues here, the first is that men can be aresholes and say immature things and don't take things seriously.
I suppose the marathon is open to the public and adults can choose to sign up means technically is free to sign up . If this was a reverse, it would be rather unfair for a dh to stop their dw from doing something.
BUT , because you have committed to plans that day , he isn't available to run. And that's a fact , rather than an opinion. So because of that , yanbu.

It sounds like the general public can’t participate so why did you even tell him about it? You could have just presented it as a work event. I wouldn’t mind him participating, but I would mind him negatively impacting your personal participation at a work event, which by running at the same time as you it appears will be the case.

He sounds like such a berk! How do you stand it?!

Do him a deal get him to go in a 18 mile run then if that goes well he can enter
I’ve a good level of fitness run for years could do a 1/2 marathon sub 2 hours
I did a marathon with very little training got round but took my time paced myself
I think another problem with this event is it’s only 50 people which isn’t great because at races you can usually pace yourself with a fellow runner and also you get a boast from the atmosphere of big events

The other issue will be that your colleagues and staff may judge you negatively if you and your DH have organised things which result in your baby becoming distressed by being in a running pram for hours. Surely it should look like you have your priorities right as a couple and put the children first. I would expect you to participate as it is your work event and your DH to look after the baby which makes you look professional and organised.