AIBU to resent DH treating my work marathon event and long distance running in general casually?

[Gnrunningmummy]

NC for this as outing and I am aware this is a really stupid argument, but want to know if I AIBU to find this so irritating.

DH and I have had a disagreement this evening because I don’t want him to sign up to run a marathon at a running event hosted by my work next month. DH has not run long distances apart from one half marathon 7 years ago and I don’t want him essentially my job (I’m fairly senior) as some kind of personal joke to show how great he is / blowing up because he’s under estimated it and pushed himself too hard (he thinks he can do a sub 2h50 marathon, or without training 3.5 to 4 hours). There will only be about 50 people there and he doesn’t work in my industry (which is not fitness related) so really doesn’t need to be there, I plan to run the half marathon option.

I was especially annoyed about the work thing because when I ran the Great North Run a few weeks ago at exactly 1 year post partum, he spent the entire weekend going on and on about how he was going to sign up to run a full marathon (without training) two weeks later to try and get a good for age place for London. It was obvious he wasn’t going to do this - why not just enter then? (and I was right, he didn’t do it). In the end I told DH I found him constantly going on this was annoying when I was nervous about running a half marathon which I had trained for. Generally, DH often makes comments about how easy it would be to run a marathon but I have run London marathon twice (both time pre baby) and I think he has no appreciation of how hard it actually is (and not really comparable to a half).

For context DH has competed at high level for over 20 years, initially in rowing and more recently in cycling but is not a runner. He is a naturally gifted athlete but I think he has no appreciation of how difficult marathons can be for the majority of people and doesn’t respect the effort. I find it belittling and like he’s minimising my own efforts when he keeps going on about how easy it would be to just run a marathon. He was very supportive in the run up to the GNR with making sure I had time to train alone and without taking the baby in the running pram, but AIBU to find his attitude and comments immature / disrespectful / annoying / undermining / ridiculous / hurtful? He could put his money where his mouth is and run one and then if he wants to still say that - fine. But he has no experience to go off!

What's interesting about the gels? I've used the electrolyte gels when doing hard hikes and they don't taste the nicest, but they're just small jelly like mouthfuls. Nothing awful about them and no side effects?

Dh, you’re welcome to run a marathon
bht for years now you’ve been all talk no action and pretty bloody belittling to me. I don’t come home to have someone make me feel small. So no more mention of a marathon until you’re paid up, and not my work one. You can sleep on the sofa if you enter that one, because my job and my career matter to me and as my husband you should have some respect for that. If you’re going to bomb out you nedd to do it elsewhere and since you’ve been nothing but talk for years you have no facts to go on, so you’re not finally signing up for one at my workplace with your main motive apparently to make me feel lesser, whether or not that would happen I’m not risking it. Good husbands never try and make their wife look small in front of her colleagues, so id hope you are listening. I’d like you to say out loud that you understand and agree or it’s the couch for you.

If you’re running they can trigger more internal movement…

He sounds really annoying! Try to shrug it off and not let him wind you up OP.

Thank you. That was the implication I assumed. I guess gels are optional though.

Next time he does it - sign him up there and then. Tell him to out his money where his mouth is!

Gosh the rivalness and one upmanship must be suffocating in your home.
Let him do what ever he wants, it seems he supports you.
If he dosnt finish the works run then thats too bad, you will survive.
Can't see a problem here except your both very competitive.

I really don't see the issue. Any and every running event I've ever done, particularly endurance events, have encouraged as many people as possible to participate, and if they're worried about people being too slow, they have cut-off times. As for running a 4-hour marathon being embarassing... words fail me.

AIBU to find his attitude and comments immature / disrespectful / annoying / undermining / ridiculous / hurtful?

Yes. If he's generally athletic, then he'll be able to run a marathon with a curtailed training programme. The only thing that's unreasonable is 2:50. 3:15 is pretty achievable if you're reasonably young, fit and healthy, but it's a huge difference between that and 2:50.

Yanbu to want him to back off from your work event. You are juggling enough on that day doing your own half marathon which is going to be a challenge for you and doing that in a work context where your actions will be reflected into your professional reputation does make that higher pressure than something like the GNR where there's so many people running that you can do it fairly anonymously. Having your DH part of that at all increases that pressure but the risk that he might do himself an injury or make himself unwell by tackling it with insufficient training could really ruin the day as your performance in how you balance persevering with your own efforts vs paying attention to his struggles is going to be judged negatively by someone no matter what you do - so him entering that particular event is creating an unsustainable pressure that you are not at all unreasonable to find intolerable.

However you should encourage him to enter a (different) marathon and stop mouthing off about how easy it is until he's done it. He sounds very much as if his fragile ego is finding it difficult to contemplate that you might exceed him in fitness and endurance.

She’s said many times over this thread that she has encouraged him to enter one though? She’s found him ones to enter even… he’s just been talk talk talk

Let the tosser run it and stop wasting your breath about how hard it is.

To be fair to him though, I did a lot of cycling pre-kids and that general fitness alone meant I could run a half marathon distance without any training - so I totally get where his arrogance might be coming from.

How do you resist reminding him that kids play on their bike all weekend too, it’s hardly challenging if a tiny human can do it too

As it’s work-related he should respect your wishes on this occasion without question. Anything else is crossing a boundary.

I don't really see the angst here, just let him sign up. From everything you've said, he's unlikely to actually follow through and do it anyway, but it's also not a big deal if he does.

I also don't think it's that hilarious he asked how many km a marathon is. I've done many, many marathons but work in miles but km, so wouldn't immediately know without converting it in my head.

Just reply “so you keep saying” when he says it.

make a point it’s all talk (so far!) and it closes down the conversation.

I don’t think he’s undermining you - just being more vocal in his own (yet unproven) abilities.

He sounds very competitive. Is this a pattern with him elsewhere? Does he say other things you’ve achieved are “easy”, eg, career, childbirth, education, etc? Does he do this with other people too? Maybe cars, houses, holidays, careers? Is something else going on here? I’m just trying to get to the bottom of what is actually going on here.

I think I would change the subject every time running or run times came up. It is just running. It doesn't have to take over too much. He has got his cycling.

At this point, every time he goes on about how wonderful he would be at a marathon and how easy he would find it, I think I would respond with, "well, maybe one day we'll see!"

I'd draw a firm line about the work one, though - no, DH, this one is too close to home for me. Either you'll be absolutely fabulous and there's no need for my work colleagues to feel shown up, or you'll find it considerably more difficult than you expect, and we don't need to test the theory in front of my work colleagues. Here are a bunch of alternative events to choose from. Let's see you put your money where your mouth is!

I mean your husband isn't you but they do sort of represent you in the sense that they show who you decided to marry! So I can understand why if they were going to come for a work event you would want them to be behaving in a way that represented you. And I also think attitude is a big part of that, right.

I may be wrong, but I suspect if he had done his training and was going to come along and your work marathon was the one he'd decided to do, and he wasn't going to be arrogant about it, that would be one thing. Or if he had entered ages ago, came along, was clear with people he hasn't had as much chance to rain as he wanted, but was going to do his best. But if he's going to come along, tell all your work colleagues why he's so great and how he's going to run a fab time, he's going to look like a bit of a twit - either an arrogant one if he goes and does it, or a stupid one if he blows up mid race.

He definitely does know how hard things can be if he's cycled and rowed competitively.

Just ignore him. The proof is in the pudding, after all.

But I also don’t completely understand why you have to so strongly doubt him. Maybe he could do it in the time he thinks, maybe be would find it easy. So what?

I think I'd just roll my eyes and say
I'll believe it when I see it.
And let him do it if he wants.

I don’t really understand the issue to be honest. I’m fairly certain that my DH could run a marathon without much training, as he has with other fitness events in the past. I, on the other hand, would need a lot more training and preparation, since I’ve had 3 DC and way less muscle mass and aerobic fitness. I know someone (a woman with young children) who recently ran a marathon in 3:50 with barely any training, but she had a good aerobic fitness base from cycling and doing other sports.

Why doesn’t bother you so much? Is it that he’s talking about how he could do it and you feel like it belittles your efforts? Is it that he’s trying to edge into one of your hobbies? If you ran a marathon 1 year post partum, then it would have involved a large amount of support from him, taking care of the baby while you trained raced.

Tell him you’re going to do the Fred Whitton in 4 hours with no training.