AIBU to resent DH treating my work marathon event and long distance running in general casually?

[Gnrunningmummy]

NC for this as outing and I am aware this is a really stupid argument, but want to know if I AIBU to find this so irritating.

DH and I have had a disagreement this evening because I don’t want him to sign up to run a marathon at a running event hosted by my work next month. DH has not run long distances apart from one half marathon 7 years ago and I don’t want him essentially my job (I’m fairly senior) as some kind of personal joke to show how great he is / blowing up because he’s under estimated it and pushed himself too hard (he thinks he can do a sub 2h50 marathon, or without training 3.5 to 4 hours). There will only be about 50 people there and he doesn’t work in my industry (which is not fitness related) so really doesn’t need to be there, I plan to run the half marathon option.

I was especially annoyed about the work thing because when I ran the Great North Run a few weeks ago at exactly 1 year post partum, he spent the entire weekend going on and on about how he was going to sign up to run a full marathon (without training) two weeks later to try and get a good for age place for London. It was obvious he wasn’t going to do this - why not just enter then? (and I was right, he didn’t do it). In the end I told DH I found him constantly going on this was annoying when I was nervous about running a half marathon which I had trained for. Generally, DH often makes comments about how easy it would be to run a marathon but I have run London marathon twice (both time pre baby) and I think he has no appreciation of how hard it actually is (and not really comparable to a half).

For context DH has competed at high level for over 20 years, initially in rowing and more recently in cycling but is not a runner. He is a naturally gifted athlete but I think he has no appreciation of how difficult marathons can be for the majority of people and doesn’t respect the effort. I find it belittling and like he’s minimising my own efforts when he keeps going on about how easy it would be to just run a marathon. He was very supportive in the run up to the GNR with making sure I had time to train alone and without taking the baby in the running pram, but AIBU to find his attitude and comments immature / disrespectful / annoying / undermining / ridiculous / hurtful? He could put his money where his mouth is and run one and then if he wants to still say that - fine. But he has no experience to go off!

This.

@Gnrunningmummy you need to unclench. Let his fantasies flow over you - just roll your eyes and ignore it all.

You do have a good point about childcare on the day - which means you can't both run on the same day.

Can we just forget your ridiculous DH for a moment @Gnrunningmummy and concentrate on how bloody marvellous you are? Senior position at work, given birth to a baby, and trained For and run a half marathon, all while casually mentioning you’ve had a lung removed?!?!?

You are a magnificent woman!

no wonder you’ve got little patience for your silly husband’s macho, condescending posturing. Knob.

Why don’t you just tell him the things you’ve said here? Tell him he’s making himself sound ridiculous because he’s all talk and no action.

But if he does enter your work event and makes a fool of himself I don’t think it will reflect on you - you’d be able to tell everyone that you’d told him he needed to do proper training first but he wouldn’t listen.

Let him try, no skin off your nose.

It’s weird the work event don’t have some qualification for entry? What if someone who had never even run put themselves down for it? Does everyone just stand there for 20 hours clapping that person?

My exH used to say stuff like this. I have always been a runner. Did my first race aged 5, represented my uni team etc. Preferred distance is 10km but done a few halfs.. my exH played football, never ran. We had a huge argument once because he said he could easily run a sub 3 hour marathon with no training as he was determined and it just came down to having a strong mind!! I managed to get him to join me once for a 10k run one day... he had to stop and said it was because my pace was too slow and made his muscles cramp. Not one to show off but back then I was running on average a 42 min 10k so not crazy fast but not slow. Anyway, not the reason I divorced him but shows his attitude well!!

Is there a marathon anywhere on the same day? Book him a spot and say you think he will hate the laps but this one is scenic or whatever.

all of this. I think this is a nod and smile smile and nod situation. Not sure why you are worried about what your colleagues think though.

He’s an areshole. He’s bigging himself up to put you down in your place beneath him and belittling your achievements. Speaks volumes on how he actually views you IMO

Nailed it.

He's a prick.
A vain, full of himself prick who cannot bear for you to have this.

So unattractive.
So narcissistic to have to try and make it about him.

I would get the ick.

Put your foot down.
He's showing you who is in this, and it's not nice.
Don't rush into a second child.
Take your time and see how the adjustment of one child plays out.

It's in these small things you really see a man.

YABU. My DH is very athletic but not massive on running. Lots of gym, weights, 5k runs, and very ocassionally cycling.

He ran a marathon and got a great time with almost zero marathon training.

Just let him do it.

My now exDH did this all the time. Whenever he drove me to a race start line he’d bang on about how he’d get a great time and when I finished he’d bang on about how much quicker he’d be (the two times he didn’t was when I ran marathons 4 and 6 months post partum. Even he was impressed).
My ex hadn’t run a day in his life and did the GNR quicker than me first try. I honestly think competitive men can’t help being like this with their partners. It’s like a bloody annoying compulsion. He may do the race and so really well, but I’d suggest he signs up for a different one. Do some research, maybe a destination one, and say you can make a holiday of it and you can support his run! See what happens.

I find it belittling and like he’s minimising my own efforts when he keeps going on about how easy it would be to just run a marathon

He's seriously fit and athletic, and probably would manage a decent time - he's not just making that up. You are taking it personally.

With my DH, I'd say "I find it belittling and like you're minimising my own efforts when you keep going on about how easy it would be to just run a marathon." Then he would laugh and hug me and tell me that was not his intention at all.

Unless you've already had that conversation, I don't know what the problem is.

I can understand how you feel but equally if your husband is determined to make a potential twat of himself, then let him. If he thinks running the event, without any training is easy, then let him sign up. If he does make an idiot of himself, that's not on you, it's on him. I wouldn't feel embarrassed either, you're not responsible for his lack of training, and if a colleague did comment, I'd be blasé 'well, I did advise him to train, but he wouldn't listen'!

I don't understand what your issue is here. Is it that you think somehow your DH's casual and over confident approach to the marathon is someone going to make you look bad to your workplace colleagues? Why would that be? If he bombs out you can laugh at him along with everyone else. If he aces it, you can be just as surprised as everyone else. What exactly is it you're angry about here?

Some people are annoyingly talented. I know someone who ran a pretty decent marathon on minimal training. He did get shin splints though and couldn’t move comfortably for about 6 months after.

Just smile and nod and let him get on with it.

Thinkg is, he doesn't want to run a marathon (he has had ample opportunity). He wants to run this marathon.
One has to ask, why?

Why do people do this 'he is just jealous' (or anyone) do people genuinely think the person is actually jealous or is just some weird thing

Well, he should be able to sign up if he wants to run it. Either it will be ok or, preferably, he’ll make an arse of himself. You’ll have to work out how to manage him if he does a decent time, though. Perhaps downplay the training that’s needed. Say that men find it easier or something?

I agree with those who say encourage it. He is either doing it to get a rise out of you or belittle you, in which case he will most likely never go through with it and just wants a reaction (in which case he is quite frankly a twat!) or he wants to do it and genuinely thinks its easy and maybe he needs to learn the hard way, as some people just wont be told and its the only way they grasp it.

I wouldn't be able to resist asking why he seems so keen to do a marathon...until its time to sign up. If its that easy just smash one out next weekend 🤷‍♀️

Thank you @BitOutOfPractice thats kind :)

why not?

Thanks for all the comments. I had told him everything I said before about him sounding ridiculous @Auntiebenita but he just said it wasn’t ridiculous as he would do it…Anyway as someone else suggested he’s now read this thread and is off to run a marathon this afternoon 🤣

He’s made himself two big energy gels with a bag of sugar but least none of my work colleagues will be there to witness any Hyrox style accidents 🤣

Baby and I are going out for lunch with a friend 😁

OMG I have just seen the casual reference to the fact that you have done all of this with one lung and I am 😮.

My advice stands, let him crack on, reality will bite hard.

PLEASE come back and list all his injuries tell us his time 😆