AIBU to resent DH treating my work marathon event and long distance running in general casually?

[Gnrunningmummy]

NC for this as outing and I am aware this is a really stupid argument, but want to know if I AIBU to find this so irritating.

DH and I have had a disagreement this evening because I don’t want him to sign up to run a marathon at a running event hosted by my work next month. DH has not run long distances apart from one half marathon 7 years ago and I don’t want him essentially my job (I’m fairly senior) as some kind of personal joke to show how great he is / blowing up because he’s under estimated it and pushed himself too hard (he thinks he can do a sub 2h50 marathon, or without training 3.5 to 4 hours). There will only be about 50 people there and he doesn’t work in my industry (which is not fitness related) so really doesn’t need to be there, I plan to run the half marathon option.

I was especially annoyed about the work thing because when I ran the Great North Run a few weeks ago at exactly 1 year post partum, he spent the entire weekend going on and on about how he was going to sign up to run a full marathon (without training) two weeks later to try and get a good for age place for London. It was obvious he wasn’t going to do this - why not just enter then? (and I was right, he didn’t do it). In the end I told DH I found him constantly going on this was annoying when I was nervous about running a half marathon which I had trained for. Generally, DH often makes comments about how easy it would be to run a marathon but I have run London marathon twice (both time pre baby) and I think he has no appreciation of how hard it actually is (and not really comparable to a half).

For context DH has competed at high level for over 20 years, initially in rowing and more recently in cycling but is not a runner. He is a naturally gifted athlete but I think he has no appreciation of how difficult marathons can be for the majority of people and doesn’t respect the effort. I find it belittling and like he’s minimising my own efforts when he keeps going on about how easy it would be to just run a marathon. He was very supportive in the run up to the GNR with making sure I had time to train alone and without taking the baby in the running pram, but AIBU to find his attitude and comments immature / disrespectful / annoying / undermining / ridiculous / hurtful? He could put his money where his mouth is and run one and then if he wants to still say that - fine. But he has no experience to go off!

As someone who ran a marathon after only training for a half, I cannot think of anything more humbling! Encourage him to do it!

This is exactly it. I’d love him to come it to be honest if he had trained for it or at least had some yardstick by which he knew how it would make him feel! He could do a different distance but he only wants to do the marathon. It’s not his industry either so it would be kind of odd for him to come anyway and the only people that will tackle the marathon distance are fast runners who have done multiple marathons. There’s not much scope for him to blow up and struggle on as they’ll want to wrap the event up, literally everyone will be watching - last time everyone was watching the last person finish. Sorry massive drip feed here but he’s also suggested he does this with the baby when I pointed out it will be a childcare nightmare which is obviously ridiculous as 1 yr old will not want to be in a running pram for 4 hours so would mean I can’t do it.

Yes - it bothers me because it feels like it belittles my efforts (and that of other people). It’s the casual “well I could definitely do it easily attitude”.

I only ran a half marathon PP, but I did nearly all my training either at lunchtimes at work on at weekends I did it with the baby in the running pram while he cycled. It wasn’t a big lift on him apart from the actual weekend where he had him on the day

Where have I said running a 4hr marathon is embarrassing? That would be a great time. I find it embarrassing he’s so confident he could cruise a marathon when his main experience of running is doing parkrun, and I find his general attitude disrespectful to me and everyone else that trains for marathons. (I appreciate a lot of people could run a half marathon fairly comfortably without training including myself pre baby)

Ok, I see where you’re coming from. Are you saying that he’d run the full marathon at your work with your one-year-old in the running pram? If so, that would give more of a ‘reason’ that he wouldn’t manage to finish it, and would allow him to save face. However, I’m not sure if it’s allowed. A friend of ours does loads of running with his DC in the pram, but most official events won’t allow it due to health and safety. The whole thing sounds like a nightmare though, and I’d definitely try and shut it down, as you are doing.

Until the doing-it-in-a-decent-time-with-a-baby-buggy bit I really didn't see the problem. You say you'd be happy for him to do a marathon. He has said he's going to sign up for a marathon. You are very unhappy about this. I don't see the fact it's a quasi-work event makes any difference really; either he'll publicly die on his arse and you can say I Told You So or he'll do OK. It seems you're actually more worried about the latter. Which if he's got a background in competitive cycling and rowing isn't that far-fetched; I had exactly the same and turned my hand (well, legs) to long-distance off-road running quite easily. 2h50 is doubtless pie-in-the-sky but sub 4 is doable if he pulls his finger out. Well, it would be doable without a baby buggy, that does make me think he might be a bit of a fantasist.

🤣🤣🤣

Hes baiting you and you are reacting exactly as he hopes
Its a control thing, he gets a kick out of it
Stop reacting

Sorry, but I read a thing like this and I think that some people have strange relationships. There seems a lot to unpack in that statement!

Agree with this. He is winding you up with his competitiveness and you are falling for it by letting him get to you.

Just ignore his little boasts. Tell him to sign up for any other marathon but he is not allowed to do your work one. I also think this is a classic male ego thing to put you down and big himself up.

This is quite trivial to have such an extreme reaction over. Which makes it worse. I remember when it got to the point i absolutely couldn’t stand a colleague, he only had to say ‘do you want a cup of tea’ and I’d be thinking fuck off. My point is - do you like him op?

You're both marathon bores. We have one at work who just goes on and on about it and expects us to fund her hobby through donations. Yes for charity but we would all prefer it if she bore off and just donated some money herself to her charity and ran without having to tell us all about it.

hes clearly very competitive and feels uncomfortable by your achievements…

does he belittle other achievements / efforts / successes you have? I suspect the answer to this is yes..

id let him run it either way no training. He’ll embarrass himself x

Let him do it if he thinks it’s so easy. Leave him to it. Sounds like he has some leverage with you regarding marathons. If he was serious about it he would have run one by now. Sounds a bit like because you are his audience about this currently he is performing to you. Let him be with it and see what happens. Get on with your stuff and stop speaking to him about it. You know what training you need to do.

You do both sound terribly boring.

This feels like there is a weird rivalry between the couple which is one thing but it’s really weird and disrespectful to play it out at the OPs workplace.

He should either come and look after the kids (if that’s appropriate) and cheer her on if she’s taking part, or take the kids off for the day and leave her to it.

Have you tried just nodding along when he talks about it? Don't let it get under your skin.

I wouldn’t want my colleagues to know if married a twat either. How embarrassing!

I used to run half-marathon distances to work twice a week. I signed up to a full length marathon thinking I'd nail it.

Cue me walking like the tin man over the finish line at 5h03m.

I get why you're annoyed, OP.

Is there not a deadline for entries which, unfortunately, has already passed? (So sorry OP's DH, but here are some other ones which you can sign up for...).

Personally, I'd do the entry for him then laugh when he blows up and fails.

I think you’ve got more problems than just your DH wants to run a marathon with no training. Does he see your hobbies as less than his? Does he see you as less than him? How much weight does he pull at home? You said he supported you with HM training, but then say later he only really did childcare on the weekend of the event. Cycling is a time sucker hobby, is your training time even remotely equal? I would focus on this, not his stupid ego about an event that it sounds like he won’t follow through with entering.

Suggest DH enters two events and trains.
Then he can decide the length nearer to the day.
It's totally sweet that he is prepared to embarrass himself (or complete well) in your work event. Concentrate on your own race, leave his to be a surprise.

Drop it, if he’s getting a rise he’s more likely to do it. With luck he’ll forget to register himself.

Just Ignore him, he won’t sign up. He’s not stupid enough to realise that you can’t run a marathon without training even if he is an annoying cunt who clogs up the roads for other road users on weekends with his stupid peloton