AIBU to resent DH treating my work marathon event and long distance running in general casually?

[Gnrunningmummy]

NC for this as outing and I am aware this is a really stupid argument, but want to know if I AIBU to find this so irritating.

DH and I have had a disagreement this evening because I don’t want him to sign up to run a marathon at a running event hosted by my work next month. DH has not run long distances apart from one half marathon 7 years ago and I don’t want him essentially my job (I’m fairly senior) as some kind of personal joke to show how great he is / blowing up because he’s under estimated it and pushed himself too hard (he thinks he can do a sub 2h50 marathon, or without training 3.5 to 4 hours). There will only be about 50 people there and he doesn’t work in my industry (which is not fitness related) so really doesn’t need to be there, I plan to run the half marathon option.

I was especially annoyed about the work thing because when I ran the Great North Run a few weeks ago at exactly 1 year post partum, he spent the entire weekend going on and on about how he was going to sign up to run a full marathon (without training) two weeks later to try and get a good for age place for London. It was obvious he wasn’t going to do this - why not just enter then? (and I was right, he didn’t do it). In the end I told DH I found him constantly going on this was annoying when I was nervous about running a half marathon which I had trained for. Generally, DH often makes comments about how easy it would be to run a marathon but I have run London marathon twice (both time pre baby) and I think he has no appreciation of how hard it actually is (and not really comparable to a half).

For context DH has competed at high level for over 20 years, initially in rowing and more recently in cycling but is not a runner. He is a naturally gifted athlete but I think he has no appreciation of how difficult marathons can be for the majority of people and doesn’t respect the effort. I find it belittling and like he’s minimising my own efforts when he keeps going on about how easy it would be to just run a marathon. He was very supportive in the run up to the GNR with making sure I had time to train alone and without taking the baby in the running pram, but AIBU to find his attitude and comments immature / disrespectful / annoying / undermining / ridiculous / hurtful? He could put his money where his mouth is and run one and then if he wants to still say that - fine. But he has no experience to go off!

Send him out with the running pram today to get the knack while you have a nice solo run (or a sit down with a cup of tea if you prefer).

YANBU about the work event: it’s your work, colleagues and event, you’ve trained and running (with one lung!), him even making that suggestion is unacceptable. Pathetic.

Other than this he’s supported you in practical ways (as you have for him), which is good, but his comments about his plans and how easy a marathon would be for him seem insensitive, self absorbed and dim when you (and most people) find it hard.

I voted yabu because I think you should just let the idiot do it. What a twat

I actually think he’s jealous of you. He’s this athletic bloke who feels the need to prove how fast he is and how easy running is. Doing what you did PP was a massive achievement and I’m assuming you got some praise for it. Has he become more competitive since you had your DC? It screams attention to me.

This, I just want to understand if he only does it to OP to “keep her in her place”, whether he does it to all women, or whether he speaks this way about everyone’s accomplishments in general. Why is he doing this and how far does he cast the belittlement net?

So why dont you both run and just get on with it, i dont getx3hy any of this needs to be complicated you want to run ao run he wants to so leave him to it

How on earth does him running effect you?

Or drop him off 26 miles away, say "see you later darling" and then go out for the day leaving your phone at home 😌

You sound like you don't like him very much.

Because it’s OP’s work event, 5 people are running the marathon, everyone watches the whole thing, and DH wants to run off of the back of his weekly Park Run as training.

OP will look like a fool for having chosen to marry a man who behaves like this. He needs to launch himself into a marathon without any training where he can crash out anonymously, rather than in front of all of OP’s work colleagues in a small running group.

Maybe you're not sending the right message. Tell him he can book any marathon he wants BUT the one organised by your workplace.

He sounds profoundly irritating but the best remedy is to encourage him to register and watch him hit the wall.

I don’t quite get the issue about him coming along to your work event - presumably you can just avoid him if you’re running the half - but his attitude in general would piss me off

I’ve run ONE marathon and it took an enormous amount of blood sweat and tears over many many months. Generally speaking someone who does it without proper training is a bit of an idiot but some otherwise very fit people do manage, annoyingly

super impressed that you ran a marathon a year postpartum btw. It took me until my kids were teenagers

Tell him to go for it, then laugh really loudly.

This sounds like a perfect opportunity for a Christmas present ...marathon race entry and if you're feeling generous a hotel stay near it! "oh you've just been soooo enthusiastic about it" 😂

Omg yesss!! Take a spin class and extrapolate the time/mileage. Then boast about how you could cycle to Spain for lunch if you wanted too.

OP I just wanted to validate your sense that he is devaluing your efforts and achievements. You had trained for a race while post partum and with one lung. This is a huge achievement. He is really being an asshole. I would be inclined to encourage him to do this run, minimise how difficult it would be and then Watch him crash and Burn. Then - I’d do exactly what he has done to you, once he’s failed it miserably or injured himself - I’d make statements such as “ I have no idea how you couldn’t manage that in x time, I mean it’s such an easy run” etc - maybe even do some unfavourable comparisons “X ran it in X amount of time didn’t he do well?”

Agree with PPs you are both in running bore territory here. Even if he did participate and DNF, why is that embarassing for him or you? Are you expecting your colleagues to point and laugh, or is it more likely no one will notice or give a fuck.

The childcare issue is valid and that alone is reason enough for him to not participate but you seem more arsed about competitive bore

:actually think he’s jealous of you. He’s this athletic bloke who feels the need to prove how fast he is and how easy running is."

Might be on the mark. If he's athletic and competitive in his sports that's probably a big part of his self image. And there's you, a "girl", finishing the GNR, with one lung, having trained running behind a pram at lunchtimes. You haven't made it a competition but men hear "beaten by a girl" as the worst insult from when they're old enough to walk and talk pretty much. It's not your fault that he's stewing over that and maybe he has some subconscious "oh I had better do more than her faster than her or might as well cut my bollocks off with a rusty penknife" and also - if you look after the baby while you are training (running pram) and while he is out on long bike rides, maybe he knows the unfairness of that and wants to make himself feel less guilty by doing a marathon with pram once so he can console himself with "oh actually running with the pram is easy so it's not that big a deal that she has to train with it".

I wouldn't be surprised if he has had friends or family say "oh well done on winning that cycling race. Jolly good. How's your missus?" "The GNR? Fecking fab. I thought she only had one lung? She does??? But I thought she had a really tough birth and....oh, she did? But it wasn't that long ago and how did she get time to trai...oh, she ran with the pram at lunchtime? What a shero. She is an absolute machine, that is brilliant. Just amazing, you must be so proud of her, what a feat of athletic awesomeness and mental fortitude etc etc" while he has to agree enthusiastically or he'll look like an arse 😉

Perhaps he’s a bit fed up of you banging on about your running?

He has two sports that he does to a high level but that you don't share. So he can't use those to show that he's better than you.

You have another sport that you are good at. He doesn't share that one, but can't cope with the idea that at that one you might actually be better than him. But instead of putting his money where his mouth is and doing it - and possibly finding out that you are better - he's decided that telling you how good he'd be is equivalent to being better.

Does your work do this run annually? Could you tell him he can do it next year when he's already done one?

But in the end, if the run is open to anyone, you can't stop him. Even if he does make an idiot of himself it will soon be forgotten and I doubt your colleagues would see it as a reflection of you as much as you seem to fear. Tell them 'He decided to prove how easy it would be to run a marathon. Ha! He found out.'

but surely in the set up given it would be highly embarrassing if the other 4 runners finished and everyone else has to politely clap for another hour at the husband. When they all wish to go home.
and everyone being so polite about it forever more when the topic of the event comes up.

If your work colleagues judge you on the (pretty harmless) behaviour of your Husband, then more fool them. They sound horribly shallow and judgey.

I would be on the sidelines cheerleading him on, good on him for having a go.

Yes. Cringe.

I don't know what to say to you OP, what an annoying bastard he is.

Call his bluff. Sign him up for a marathon as his Christmas present and announce it in front of the whole family so he can't back out.

Sounds like an arrogant little twerp who needs to reality check. He should do it!

On a serious note, does he feel threatened by you in some way? He seems intent on putting you in your place and indermining you with his male 'prowess'. Isn't this a wider issue than a marathon?

I wouldn't say that's an issue - things can go wrong during a marathon, even for an experienced runner. Sometimes solid runners don't finish, or the goal becomes solely to get around, regardless of time.